Really down in the dumps

[mummy2lola]

Hi there, just need some advice to help me get back on track with things.
Dd is 6 months formula fed, and usually me and her dad have a routine that works perfectly, goes something like this:

7am wakes
8am breakfast (Ella's kitchen pouch of puréed fruit)
9am 6oz bottle
12 midday- 6oz bottle
3 pm- 6 oz bottle
5.30pm bath
6pm- 8oz bottle
Then bedtime
Next feed when she wakes at 5/6am

At home she sleeps in her cot in her own room and as soon as she's put down with the radio on, she goes off to sleep, waking between 5-6am, when she is fed 6oz.
During she day dd is a very demanding, clingy baby who whines when I walk out of the room, gets bored easily (despite my huge efforts and having every toy under the sun and my time) and also teething too, which bothers her sometimes.

My partner and I have just got married, and with 2 days notice he's now on a 10 day course with the army.

I'm now staying with my mum until hubby is back, thinking I might get some help, but it seems that I only get help when it's convenient- quite a lot of the time everybody in the family watches me struggle with car seats, prams,baby, bags etc and doing things with one hand, and wonder why I'm a bit moody and flustered.

Dd is in a room with me here, and has started waking twice during the night, but doesn't really seem that bothered when I feed her a bottle. I then try and settle her (unsuccessfully) and end up bringing her in bed with me, which means I cannot sleep, because I can't relax and I'm on edge wondering if she will slip under the covers, try and roll over etc...

Why do you reckon she's waking like this for no reason? She's started recently refusing bottles as well, which may be why she is waking, and it frustrates me because I've always had it down to a fine art filling her up (she's usually v hungry for her bottles etc)
I've been applying teething gel prior to bottles encase tis her gums rubbing, but that doesn't seem tonworknanymore, and I'm at my wits end with no help whatsoever.

What single mums out there do, I don't know....I take my hat off to you!!! I really do!!,

Anybody got any ideas why she's refusing bottles,and waking early. She's stayed here at my mums many times and slept really well...nothing has changed.

Rally really down :-( and missing my new hubby too, who is brill with baby and helps so much when he can, which takes the pressure off.

I'd appreciate any feedback whatsoever. Tanks

Poor you. Could she be hungry for more solids?

I'm not sure. I did try giving solids between the 12 and 3pm bottle, but then she wouldn't take her bedtime bottle, which so the one that really fills her up :-/

I not sure what to do, as a first time mum I'm just muddling through and some things work, and some things don't!!, I just feel like a good old cry...i feel really alone and don't have any 'me time' to even go to the loo.
I am really soft, so if she does cry I do go to her straight away, and if she cries when I go to leave the room, I'll stay, and sometimes I'm so desperate for the loo, I get terrible stomach aches from holding it in, and not having the time to go!!

Sounds exactly like my ds at the same age, he was very unsettled and often refused bottles, although if there was water in them not milk he'd gulp it down. He's 18 months now and I realise it was teething that was the problem. Is your dd desperately chewing her fingers or anything else she can get hold of? I used to give ds a stick of celery from the fridge, that helped and kept him busy for a while. I also used to carry him around in a sling about the house quite a lot......yes, it's possible to use the toilet with baby and sling still attached! You could give her some calpol before bed for a few nights to see if this makes any difference.
Overall, I remember 6 months being a really tough time and ds sleeping particularly badly then. It did pass though, and by 8 months he was a completely different baby, sorry, I know that's not the most helpful advice! What I'm trying to say is just take it one day at a time, it won't last forever. Definitely try and get co-sleeping to work for you, I never wanted to do it but learning to do it and even enjoy it has been a life saver. I'd also start upping your dds solids, some baby rice or something, milk just may not be enough anymore.
Lastly, in regards to getting help from family,don't wait for them to offer, tell them what you need. I had the same thing when ds was small, I didn't understand how people could watch me struggle and be so dense as to not lend a hand. I think they just didn't realise what I wanted them to do, I had to start being a bit bossy and giving out instructions, and they now help without being prompted.
I hope things get better for you, they absolutely will, I promise, grit your teeth.

Thanks so much for those great ideas!
I've got celery, and I've peed with a sling on too- I'm quite small, so I'll try her in the sling again..hope she doesn't break my back....she's a chunky little miss!!
Thanks so much.....all your advice and hearing your experience has reassured me. I'm a true worrier, so instead of worrying about things grand scale, I will take each day as it comes. I've found that having dd in bed after the night feed, helps her settle back in seconds, but if I ut her back in her cot, it's like world war three beginning!!! She gets a right grot on- she actually hisses and froths like a cat in a fight, which in the daytime can be amusing, I can't help but take it personally sometimes, and beat myself up for the fact that she's in such a state.

I'm doing my best, and she's had calpol before bed tonight....she does chew everything in sight!!
I such a soft person, that when people do actually help me, I feel this terrible sense of guilt, but I think I'm going to have to adopt the bossy approach, because doing it single handed whilst others just watch me struggle makes me blooming cross!!

I really appreciate your reply, and I like a challenge!!

Have you talked to your Health Visitor? I am feeling low too and she has been fantastic, came to visit me and chatted about everything, including the best way to start solids, and I found a support group for new mothers with depression. My baby is six months and has just started waking more often at night too, no idea why.

I'm a single mum... When she's in bed with you is ut a double? Google safe co sleeping. My dd shares my bed most nights for some of it, in a double there is plenty of room for the pair of us. You can get blow up bed rails called dream tubes if you're worried she'll fall our.

Does she nap in the day too?

Responding to your dd when she cries is not being "soft", it is being a brilliant mum! Little babies can't express what they need, they can only cry to try and let you know that something is wrong. By responding to her and being attentive now when she is little, she will reward you when she is older by being a secure and confident child.

I take my ds with me to the loo btw - have childproofed the bathroom and have some toys in there to entertain him!

Get a sling to save your sanity too... If she just wants to be near you it will help. If you need a shower take her in with you, i used to sit dd in a nappy in her car seat which i had lined with a towel, shower myself then grab her and wash her over, back into car seat while i got dried. Worked a treat and killed a but of time on a long, dark, winter day... Also helped her nap quite often.

Def take her to the loo! Won't help your mood any if you don't go :)

What's going on with naps? Could she be ready to drop one? We had a torrid time between about 4 and 6 months - at that point for us things got better but they all have good and bad phases at different times depending on learning gross motor skills, teething etc. But our worst possible week was just before she dropped a nap (two actually - went from 4 to 2). It feels like it will never end but she'll soon be onto the next thing!

Sorry your family are so useless - can you ask anyone directly (eg can you bring that car seat for me please?). On the plus side, DH will be home soon :)

Wow. Thanks for those great ideas. I'm absolute
Exhausted, and it's only 8am....I don't know how I'll find the energy and sanity to make it to the end of today!!!
I might start bringing her in with me. We used to swaddle her, which she loved, and settled much better feeling all secure- do you think 6 months is too old to swaddle?
I've tried her in my bed and made it ultra safe with towels rolled up etc, but she gets so easily overstimulated if I'm right next to her, and seems to sleep better in her own cot in the same room with her own space.
Naps are a bit erratic. She gets overtired and I keep looking out for signs of tiredness when I can act on getting her all calm and ready for a nap, but it seems to come without warning, which ends up with her crying, and very hard to settle. When I do eventually breakthrough and she naps, it's sometimes 2 hours effort, for a ten minute nap.
Is it possible she might be missing dad??? She keeps going dad dad dad all the time, and it's only become like this since he's gone away.
I'm thinking of going home from my mums to see if being at home will help, although my mum is really offended and takes it personally, but ice got to think of dd. if being at home is more normality, then that's one less thing she'll be missing and it's more like her old routine, except without dad, who she's really close to.
It's bloody hard isn't it? Christ!!

If your worried she will fall out just roll up pillows into sausage shapes and make a line of them down her side of the bed, putting the sheet over the top to hold them in place.