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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Why is my baby so miserable??

26 replies

BotBotticelli · 21/04/2013 10:23

DS1 is 19 weeks old today, and I am at a bit of a loss with what to do with him....he just cries ALL THE TIME!

He cries when I'm changing his nappy, when I try to play with him with toys, at baby group, at baby sensory, in his buggy.....etc etc you get the idea. It is not his hungry cry (is FF roughly every 3.5 hours during the day on demand, takes between 6oz and 8oz each feed)....it just seems more like he is clingy and miserable all the time. He also tends to burst into actual tears every time a friendly woman in a shop tries to talk to him/he meets anyone new etc etc

I am wondering if I am doing something wrong, or is this just a difficult phase? I think his gums might be hurting as he is chewing everything, dribbling all the time, and on the couple of occasions I have given in and given him calpol he has seemed to cheer up a little bit....but I cant give him calpol every day, can I??

He had terrible colic for the first 3 months of his life, and we then had a blissful 3 weeks where he seemed sunny and happy, and now he has turned into a tearful upset baby all the time :(

It sounds silly but I am worried that he is just going to be a miserable child?? Can anyone reassure me that this is a phase which will pass - was your DC like this too and did s/he come through it at some point?

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Original poster

BotBotticelli · 21/04/2013 10:25

ps - he is sleeping well at night, so I don't think it's over tiredness either...he goes to bed at around 7pm after a bottle, has a dream feed at 10pm when I go to bed, and then doesn't get up till around 0630. He usually wakes once or twice in the night but usually drifts back off to sleep on his own after a couple of minutes, or if not I give him a quick cuddle and he's out like a light.

He is not very good at sleeping during the day, he seems to have lots of little short naps rather than big long ones, but I am thinking that as he is sleeping so well at night, it must be working for him?

OP posts:

dontmeanto · 21/04/2013 10:26

Silent reflux? Look into symptoms, see if any resonate. Babies are pretty miserable with it.

dontmeanto · 21/04/2013 10:27

Silent reflux babies can settle at night, so don't dismiss it on that account.

Original poster

BotBotticelli · 21/04/2013 10:29

Thanks for replying dontmeanto...i have thought about silent reflux before (I wondered if this was part of the problem earlier on when he had colic), but I don't think he really fits the bill....he is happy lying on his back, sleeps well immediately after his evening feeds, takes his bottles nicely with no fussiness...

It just seems lkle irrespective of the basics of being a baby (feeding, pooing etc, which are all fine), he is just not a very happy little soul :(

OP posts:

FlatsInDagenham · 21/04/2013 10:30

My DD, now 12 months, was just like this. Very high needs clingy baby. She still is to a large extent but improves gradually as she becomes more physically independent. So she can now be left to play with toys on her own for a few minutes if I'm lucky and because she is more playful and interactive now, she derives much more joy and pleasure from life.

dontmeanto · 21/04/2013 10:39

Oh I see. Do you suspect something medically to be the problem? What do your maternal instincts say? Could just be part of his little personality that he will grow out of.

Original poster

BotBotticelli · 21/04/2013 10:52

My gut instinct is that there's nothing medical wrong...he just seems very intense....when he is happy (for about 10-15 minutes out of every 90 minute awake period!), he is rioutously happy, laughing his little head off, very engaged etc etc....it's just there seems to be no middle ground with him. No placid sitting there with a toy or on my lap. He is either laughing his head off being thrown around, or crying and being upset (the majority of the time!).

I just wondered if anyone else's DCs had seemed very sensitive like this at 4mo and had grown out of it??

OP posts:

houmousandcarrotsandwich · 21/04/2013 11:17

How about changing your formula. DN was like this (but also a little constipated), changed from SMA to aptimil (I think) and it really helped.

Also, very controversial, but maybe a little food? (hides behind shield as flames are thrown!). I know it's a little early but helped by DD as she was a refluxer. Although actually just read you don't think it's reflux.

Will he cheer up in a door bouncer or similar (distraction)

Maybe your HV may have some suggestions

TotalEclipseOfTheFart · 21/04/2013 12:26

My Daughter was like this from birth. She seemed utterly miserable all the time she was awake. She could smile and laugh and then immediately start crying afterwards over nothing. She's 16 months now and I am still struggling. Sorry, don't want to worry you but for us we have exhausted all medical routes. She is just not happy. Every day it;s whinging, crying, screaming. We're heart broken.

mamjar · 21/04/2013 12:47

Both my babies have been like this. It's horrible isn't it?! DS1 used to cry in his pushchair, car seat, bouncer chair and just all the time really! He sort of chhered up a tiny bit (but still whined endlessly) once he could crawl, then got a little better once he could walk, then by the time he was 2 and talking properly I would say he was 'average'. Since the age of 3 he's been lovely

DS2 is 15 months now and STILL grotty. He cries and whinges CONSTANTLY. He sometimes does it out of habit I think. We have tried so many medical routes and sent them both for cranial osteopathy when they were a few months old etc but nothing helped. They were both on reflux medication for a few weeks but that didn't help. DS2 has been on dairy free diet since 12 weeks as paediatrician thought it could be somekind of intolerance but still no change. It's a nightmare really. He is every bit as demanding as DS1 was only this time I feel the guilt of having DS1 (now age5) to entertain and try not to let him see that his brother is driving me mad and making us all sad. :(

I hope it improves for you soon. With any luck he'll improve when he can sit up, play, move a bit. DS2 has been diagnosed with low muscle tone and still isn't walking so that is tending to make him frustrated and more whingy than I think he would be if he could walk and entertain himself a bit more. I do sympathise, especially with your comment about crying at the kind ladies, BOTH mine have done this and I always have to make an excuse 'he's tired', 'he's teething', 'just woke up' etc etc. It's awful really.

ZolaBuddleia · 21/04/2013 12:53

DD was the same, it was horrendous. She improved a bit once she could sit unaided, and further when she could walk and talk. I think she was frustrated.

I didn't go to baby groups etc because she was such a nightmare.

She's now a totally fab 2.10 who is really sociable, with fantastic language skills. We turned a massive corner when she finally understood what whining was and we were able to go zero tolerance on it.

mercibucket · 21/04/2013 15:43

Ds2 was like this. Of course, rule out medical stuff, but if it is more 'personality' you are worried about, let me reassure you
Ds2 was a horrendous baby. If he was my first, I would never have had any more. He was constantly miserable
He is now delightful. Everyone comments on how delightful he is! He is sunny, so relaxed he's almost horizontal, and very very easy going and friendly with everyone. Noone can believe he was ever hard work!
It is no indicator of future personality, don't worry.
Ds2 is always on the go. He got much better once he was mobile. Maybe he was a bit frustrated at not being able to move around?

mercibucket · 21/04/2013 15:43

lyndie · 21/04/2013 15:58

One book I read had 5 different types of baby - angel, textbook, touchy, spirited and grumpy! Children can apparently be combinations of more than one type but it focused on your baby's type and working on what they can cope with. So angel, you can take them anywhere, never cry, no problems etc touchy you have to go slowly, avoid surprises and overstimulation and so on.

Slothlorien · 21/04/2013 16:19

Just keep going, find things and people that make u feel better, make sure u get breaks if at all humanly possible, and know that it won't always be like this. I promise. I had two miserable babies and one sunny one, its just the way of things and they change and grow, as will u, u learn so much along the way, keep strong and kind. It's nothing u are doing wrong. Come on here to offload anytime.

PoppyAmex · 21/04/2013 17:53

DD didn't cry a lot or whinged, but she was very grumpy and impossible to get a smile out of her, let alone hear her laugh.

She changed dramatically when she became mobile and now at 13 months she's a very different child.

I have a theory that she positively hated being a baby; she hated being picked up, cuddled, not being able to move and get places and once that changed she's a sunny little toddler.

Original poster

BotBotticelli · 21/04/2013 19:05

Thanks so much for your reassuring posts - have really cheered up my evening, am feeling totally run-down after a day of lots of crying.

Today it has been a mixture of high pitched screaming whenever he is put down, frustrated angry crying, and sometimes just a bewildering upset-cry which I cannot put my finger on the cause :(

Resorted to Calpol twice today: once mid afternoon and once before his bedtime bottle, and both times it seemed to have an almost immediate affect improving his mood. So I think he must be in some sort of pain, perhaps with his teeth? His temperature is normal though.

I did notice at bedtime that he seems to have developed a sore looking rash (think probably some kind of ezcema) on the backs of his legs and his tummy, poor thing, so I wonder if this is hurting/itching him and the only way he can tell me is by crying?? Am taking him to see the health visitor tomorrow morning anyway so will show her the rash and see what she thinks.

He also currently hasn't pooed since Thursday which is very unusual for him (he's normally a 1 or 2 a day kind of boy) so I wonder if his tummy is hurting him a bit?

Gah, seems like it's all gone wrong at once :(

OP posts:

kritur · 21/04/2013 20:10

Do you have a sling? If he wants to be held that would help him. At 19 weeks you would still get some wear out of a stretchy wrap like a Moby if you're feeling flush or Sa Be/Victoria sling lady. If you suspect teething then get yourself a gumigem to wear while he's in the sling. Also there are other teething remedies than Calpol, teething powders, gels, anbesol, they're all worth a try to find what works for you.

Meringue33 · 21/04/2013 20:33

Naps? I've only just figured out when my 14 week old naturally needs a nap and to anticipate it in time before he kicks off screaming. Put him down in pram and push and he goes right to sleep - he's in a much better mood now.

Slothlorien · 22/04/2013 14:29

How's things today op? Any sign if any poo?!
Can u have a break just on your own or with a friend, just go for a walk or something? Can really help when u are at end of tether.

narmada · 23/04/2013 00:03

Eczema-like rashes, grumpy baby... maybe consider a milk protein intolerance?

Oopla · 23/04/2013 00:26

Oh you have my understanding and sympathy x

Ds3 was a horror for the first year of his life. Constant grizzling, clinging, crying, screaming, nor sleeping. Hit 13 months and is a completely changed baby. A really happy little soul now. Though does def have a temper and a flair for danger

I think personality/temperament have the biggest part to play in high needs babies. I spent months and months daily googling different things I thought could medically be wrong with him. Trying to find a quick answer. It will pass x

I read something really interesting in Susan Cain's Quiet recently- she quotes a long term study where a group of babies with differing temperaments were followed into adulthood and a large part of the very shouty, Limbs flailing, fist shaking babies grew up to be more introverted types who preferred low external stimulus. They just wanted to chill out ya know.

Also... how are YOU feeling in yourself? It's really so very tiring and wearing, and quickly becomes a circle of you being stressed baby picking up on stressy vibes, stressing out more. Can you take a little break?
Have a massive hug. Hope things settle down soon

WouldBeHarrietVane · 23/04/2013 00:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

queenofthepirates · 23/04/2013 00:35

My cousin was like this, now a chilled out ski instructor.

There is hope

JessicaRabbit1 · 04/07/2021 08:29

Hi there,

I noticed your comment is from 8 years ago, just wondering how your little girl developed over those coming months? Did she settle? You have described our son and some days it’s so exhausting, does it ever end?

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