Potty Training - feeling like a failure compared to another mum.

[lill72]

I have a friend who started potty training her DD who is 2.5 a week before I started training my DD (same age) My friend has a very strict parenting style and her DD seems to have mastered it 3 weeks down the track. I am not so strict but we both followed the Gina Ford method, maybe me a bit more loosely than she.

My DD has ups and downs - the main problem being that she will not tell me whether she wants to go. This is ok at home when I can constantly remind her and we have been out and about and she has stayed dry. But the past two weeks in the park we have had disastrous accidents and I feel like the other mothers (one who has not started potty training BTW) are looking at me, thinking I must not have trained her properly and I am doing something wrong. I feel embarassed, but I have to continue the process as my DD is ready and I know it will come. I just feel like turning so red when an accident happens. Silly but true. Have never felt like this with the other mothers.

Any similar stories welcomed or indeed suggestions on how to maybe get DD to initiate would be great! thanks

I don't think it has anything to do with method of training. My DS1 trained very easily in about 2 days at 2.3, DS2 is just about there after months of misery and stress PT and is nearly 3. I haven't done anything different - they just vary when they are ready and how long it takes them to 'click'. There will be very few parents who have not had some horrendous PT related accident they were underprepared for - I think you are imagining that others are judging and they are probably just remembering their own PT traumas. If your friend's DD was easy, have faith that her next child will be a nightmare just to burst her smug bubble, or that there will be something else that your DD does easily and hers struggles with.
We've had months of me making DS2 go regularly and he has just started to tell me when he wants to go. Repeat endlessly after me, and after every accident " if you need a wee or a poo, you need to tell Mummy or Daddy and we will take you to the toilet". I don't think it is something you can hurry until the child is ready, and some are ready to make a start long before they are ready to be completely trained.

Huge sympathies - I too have been in the camp of feeling a failure with this. TBH it took well over a year for my DC to "get it" and in retrospect I started too early. I don't have any solutions on this other than just saying hang in there it is easy to feel down.

Thanks Bakingtins - your story does make me feel a lot better. I know you are right - they all do things at their own pace. I will do as you say every day from now until I get results!

Struckachord - Thank you for your sympathy and comments. I am hanging in there. It is tough but will be forgotten as soon as it's over.

I just wanted to say that as a mum who has not started potty training yet, I probably would have looked at you in the park as well, not in a judgemental way at all though! That mum was probably thinking "Ooh that will be me in xxx months time" and probably thought you dealt with it superbly :)

Thanks ellesabe - that is very sweet of you to say. Good luck to you when you start!

It doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong and please don't feel embarrassed. When children are distracted accidents often happen, even at school.

Was going to recommend Sucessful Potty Training by Heather Welford. It seems to be out of print but is very good. Your local library might have a copy or the local branch of your NCT might have their own copy to loan out, I read and it was great. It's not prescriptive and helps you to relax

Don't feel like a failure and DON"T compare! Potty training can take ages. ONLY silly parents with ideally-wired up children think it's easy. Mine take a year of more to get it, and have accidents for many years afterwards.

With my dc, being distracted/having too many interesting things to do definitely results in accidents [:-)]

I felt my stress was lessened by ensuring that I always had a spare set of clothes/things to cope with accidents with me. Also, ensuring a pattern - go before going out etc.

The biggest embarrasments I have had are: 1) DC making a huge puddle on the floor of a coffee shop (much to the disgust of people sitting next to us 2) DC suddenly having diarrhoea going down legs and having to deal with this in the middle of a shopping street. What did I learn? Be prepared! (wipes!) and also, outer clothes which absorb moisture are your friend [:-)]

Don't feel bad. It's not only you, it's also your child. For some children it takes a very long time to be potty trained and others just do it in a week.

It's good to start the training, but don't feel bad if your child isn't doing it.

My eldest son we started to train and I don't know how long it took us to get him to use the potty.
Then he did it a couple of times and then he used his diaper again.

One time we thought he was fully potty trained and he didn't wore a diaper anymore. We went to do our weekly shopping. Our darling son walked to a corner of the shop and was sitting there doing wee.

We felt sooooooooooo embarrassed!!!!
We had no idea how to respond on our son who just decided to do it in the corner of the shop.
One of these lovely moments of being a parent.

It took him about 2 years before he finally wasn't having any accidents at night.

Our second son just decided to go to the loo on one day. That was it. We barely had to train him. He never had any accident at night or when we're outside.

Our youngest is using the loo at home. He still needs to have training pants when we go out and a diaper at night time.

We're the same parents to all 3 of our kids.
But they're all different.

Don't blame yourself. Keep training and your child will be using his potty and loo on one day.

Sylvia

Forgot to say:

I think it's huggies were you can ask on their website for a free training pack. I did this for one of our sons.

We got 2 training pants.
Lot's of stickers and a training poster for to stick the reward stickers on.

A sign for to put on the door of the toilet with:
Potty training in progress.

It was fun and easy to use.