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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is my child too advanced in this area?

26 replies

blushingmama · 14/05/2006 23:07

I have changed my name because I feel so silly asking this and don't want it to sound like a bragging post - it isn't.

I have just spent a week on holiday with my mum. She has been gobsmacked at how bright my ds is. He is 22 months and chatting quite a bit but his real thing is numbers.

He is able to count to 20 in English and to 5 in two other lanuguages but he recognises numbers and will read them out randomly for example if he sees a phone number etc. He can also spell his name and do a bit of typing on my lap top(mum,dad,teddy). He knows all his shapes and colours too. we have started the alphabet this week and he can recite up to F if I write them down. I am trying to keep up with him but don't feel I am rushing him into anything as I don't suggest anything he asks me.

Well, the reason for my post is mum has been having a go at me and saying I am going to set ds up for a fall as he will learn too much before he starts school and that he should be running around like a loony and not studying with me ( he does run around like a loon too BTW) Mum says what he has learnt makes him extremely advanced but as I don't really know any other children his age (we mainly socialise with mums and slightly older children) I'm not sure how he compares.

Should I stop going through all the things we do so as not to mess up his future study-even though he asks me non stop to do his "numbers-numbers" with him?

I guess I just want some reassurance that I am not doing anything wrong.

OP posts:

hugeheadofhair · 14/05/2006 23:14

I have a friend with a very bright boy, and she has a very laid back approach. She will do the things he likes but simply not make a big deal out of it. He is obviously more advanced than others in his class but still fits in fine. In fact, he is quite popular. He could read (properly, not hesitantly) in reception and remembers every fact you tell him. Just go with the flow, and be proud of the lovely little boy he is (not just because of his academic qualities).

snowleopard · 14/05/2006 23:17

I don't know what's advanced for this age but wanted to say for goodness sake don't squash his enthusiasm or deny his interests just because it might "mess up his future study". What will mess up his future study is kids in his class who play up and take up all the teacher's time! Getting help from you is vital, it's not just the job of schools and teachers to educate - the natural encouragement and learning kids get at home is a huge part of how well they do.

Original poster

blushingmama · 14/05/2006 23:22

Thanks for that.
And can I make it very clear that I think he is fab anyway whether he's bright, average or perhaps having a little moment now. I try to give him lots of options and stimulus or like any child he gets very bored. I think it was me who felt quashed by my mother she seemed to critisize most of the things I did or said. She's lovely BTW but I'm made to feel that perhaps I am over compensating as my parents never even read me a book as a child.

OP posts:

singersgirl · 14/05/2006 23:29

He sounds quite advanced for his age, but don't worry about following his interests. If he loves numbers, encourage him, while still doing all the other things you obviously do. There are plenty of hours in a day to fit in running around and learning numbers and letters, if your son wants to.

FWIW, my older son did most of the things you describe at around the same age, and, while bright and doing well at school, he is not at 7 noticeably prodigious or unusual - he just had an early interest in shapes and numbers.

snowleopard · 14/05/2006 23:31

Maybe your mum's attitude is a bit defensive because she realises she didn't do the same for you...? Anyway it doesn't sound at all as if you're being pushy - if he really wants to do it, let him.

I once saw a little about of about 3 on a bus with (presumably) his dad and the boy was reading all the shop signs and trying to get his dad top take an interest - "Daddy that shop starts with an M, look what does it say Daddy" etc. and his dad was just shushing him - it made me really sad. Just shows how naturally keen some kids are to learn.

snowleopard · 14/05/2006 23:31

That should have been "little boy of about 3"
Too late for trying to type, must go to bed

Original poster

blushingmama · 14/05/2006 23:36

Snowleopard, I think you may be onto something there. It didn't even occur to me that she may feel that way.

OP posts:

Kaz33 · 14/05/2006 23:39

My DS1 was very similar at that age, though physically a bit of a klutz. To a certain extent i think he just learnt by rote. No idea as to whether it is a sign of great intelligence, hes now 4 and at school and certainly not at the top of his class.

Enjoy, follow his interests, don't push him....

Original poster

blushingmama · 14/05/2006 23:41

Kaz my ds is the same very, very clumsy physically. Like I said before I never saw his learning as a problem or advanced until my mum started to mention it.

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 14/05/2006 23:42

i reckon you are physical or mental (so to speak) at a young age

My dd was similar to your ds, she is now 3.8 and starting to get physical at last.

Heathcliffscathy · 14/05/2006 23:43

oioioioioioioi

mzpseudonym · 15/05/2006 00:03

our dd1 ws a really early talker (REALLY early).
Dh used to laugh at my pride and tell me she was simply on a steeper learning curve than most at that time. I would say he was right - everyone else learnt to talk, put two words together etc. she is still a great reader, has a vocabulary in advance of her years...but you know... shes a good student, not an exceptional one. I hope we encouraged without pushing...it may account for her acting ability and confidence. I wouldn't get hung up on it.

waterfalls · 15/05/2006 00:25

My ds could read the alphabet, both upper and lower case before he was 2, he could also read and count upto about 15, knew several shapes and colours, He is 5 now and I am convinced he has a photographic memory, especially when it comes to the pc, his skills amaze me. my dts on the other hand are 2.5yrs and dont yet know any numbers, letters, colours or shapes...............talk about going from one extreme to the other

UCM · 15/05/2006 00:44

My DS can count to 20 and knows what wine I like, he points out Pino Grigio, is that bright? He really does, it's embarrasssing! He is 2

UCM · 15/05/2006 01:07

I have just re-read the original post (taking the piss aside) and your little one sounds really forward. I am not sure what you should be doing but counting your lucky stars that your little one is so brill. I thought my DS was brighter than any other until I read your post. Keep interacting with him cos' if he is that bright he will need more stimulation. Good luck and keep us posted!!!

wannaBe1974 · 15/05/2006 06:44

your ds sounds very bright and I would definitely keep encouraging him but would not push. but ...

if he is academically way ahead of those his age I would look carefully at the school you put him into, as some schools will teach the kids according to the lowest pace of learning, and those with advanced inteligence often become bored and understimulated and can lose heart.

A friend of my dh has a son who is very advanced - he started reception last September and they were told very quickly that he has a reading age of 9 (he could read by age 3). The problem now is that he's reading all the reading books very quickly and has become bored and is not enjoying school at all, and my DH' friend has had to go and see the teachers on more than one occasion to try and convince them to give his ds extra reading material.

But you should definitely encourage, but I do think your mum is right to a degree, not that you are setting him up for a fall, because you certainly aren't, but that he will have learned everything that kids learn before he starts school and that that will cause him to become bored when he first starts school. but if you can find a good school that do extra encouragement for bright kids, or who teach all the kids according to their abilities, then it won't be a problem.

Surfermum · 15/05/2006 08:34

People often comment on how advanced dd (2.11) is. I have no idea if she is or isn't and have no interesting in comparing her to anyone. I haven't done anything special, I just follow her cues really on what she wants to do. She loves books and if she chooses one with the alphabet in then that's what we do. If she doesn't look at that book for another fortnight, then we don't do it again. We play board games so she's learning to count, but I play the game because she wants to play it, not because I want her to learn numbers. Anything she learns just happens naturally through the things we do, and it sounds to me like you're doing exactly the same thing.

Original poster

blushingmama · 15/05/2006 09:27

Well I usually agree with mum on most things and would definitely say that this time I was rather uncertain, she just made me doubt myself hence the OP.

Loved the Pinot comment BTW, much better life skill to have IMO!

OP posts:

Pruni · 15/05/2006 09:36

blushingmama, I think your comment about your parents not ever reading you a book tells you all you need to know about your mum's attitude to this.

I have a friend whose ds is exceptional with numbers, so much so that she had him assessed by the hv to see if she thought there was anything 'wrong'. She said every child has their 'thing' and if it was an exceptional ability to pick out and name colours or shapes, we wouldn't think as much of it, but somehow numbers and letters set off alarm bells in many parents.

Bink · 15/05/2006 12:09

One thing I would say - which you may well be doing anyway - is to try to keep his interests broad. My ds adores his numbers, but I think he'd be enjoying the other stuff at school more if we hadn't let him (and in dh's case, encouraged him) to immerse himself in sums so much. It's meant that, because maths comes so easily, everything else is automatically more of a grind (and therefore "boorrring").

HappyMumof2 · 15/05/2006 14:14

what is he like socially? You say he is clumsy physially but very advanced with numbers/letters. I'm not an expert but I have some experience of aspergers and it can sometimes show in this way, particularly with the being physically clumsy.

Does he interect well with others? If he is progressing well in all other areas then I wouldn't worry and would just follow his lead.

oops · 15/05/2006 14:26

m ds1 is like this and the aspergers stuff flits across my mind every now and then.

He counts up to 30 ish and knows the alphabet backwards first, then forwards and is beginning to read.
His train set goes un- noticed, as do the building blocks and lego
but he likes jigsaws and stuff (2 faves are a numbers one and a letters one tho'

He knows the number of all the houes we visit- even if he's been there once, he also will know the door colour

I think he likes organising things into categories.

We don't massively encourage it per se, but it is what he is interested in.
We'd buy all the thomas stuff it it was trains, or lego, whatever.
So we buy books with numbers in, and of course they all have letters in

i don't think he will be a genius or anything, they are still so young and most toddlers are obsessed with something IME
We have fun with it and he also runs around when the fancy takes him...

I wouldn't be too worried, when he goes to school, if there are probs you can cross that bridge when/if you get to it There is no point in surpressing his interests TBH

oops · 15/05/2006 14:26

ds1 is 2yrs 9 months,

figroll · 15/05/2006 16:49

Following on from UCM, I was walking along the road with my dd and an elderly aunt when she was about 2 or 3 and a tramp was sitting on a bench drinking from a can of cider. She shouted at the top of her voice, oh look that man's drinking the scrumpy jack, just like my mum . . . (Mind you, I don't think she could read the can!)

Dottydot · 15/05/2006 19:37

Hi
My ds2 is just like this - is 25 months and can do the stuff you've said, is starting to read some words (only because ds1 who's 4.3 is starting to!) and stuff like that. We're not pushing him at all - he's actually a really laid back boy who just seems to absorb information and has a good ear, so he picks stuff up - he's incredibly musical which is lovely, and I think that's helped him learn so much.

A good piece of advice I read on MN recently was if you've got a child who's bright in one area, try to help them with the things they're not so good at. Like my ds2 is VERY clumsy, so we do lots of physical stuff - balancing, jumping, running - 'cos that's what he needs help with more than anything. I don't want him to be ahead too much at primary school, although we can't seem to stop him absorbing letters, words etc., we won't be pushing it. I think for ds2 I'll also maybe see if he wants to start doing piano (only because I play and we've got one!), so something slightly different than just academic stuff.

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