Still constantly worrying help!

[mumtolilh]

Hi

When my lb was born 16 months ago it was the best thing that ever happened to me but I have been worried since day 1!
I worried every time he cried for more than 5 minutes
I used to think when he had a cold he couldn't breathe
I worried he would never crawl...& he did
I worried he would never walk...& he did
Now I worry he's not talking at all...& he probably will soon???
I always compare him (which I know I shouldn't) but my cousins baby is 9 days younger & speaking alot!

But I just can't believe how much I worry that he won't develop normally even though I know he's perfect deep down!

Is this normal? Have you been through this?
& does it end...obviously you will always worry about your kids but I mean when they are a bit older will I calm down? lol ;-)

Oh love. I lost my first through miscarriage and so it took me a good five months before I could relax at all with DD. But that was mainly to do with me worrying about cot death and accidents and things like that. They're such hardy little things though, even as babies.

In terms of development - just look at the threads on here - so many worried mums but the one thing everyone says it that it all evens out in the end and you won't even remember what you were worried about and when. Some poor parents really have challenging things to worry about.

Try to relax and enjoy your LB. These are precious times. He'll only be 16 months once!

Worrying is normal, and I still compare my ds's to other children even the eldest is 13.

Try to relax and enjoy your child. Everyone has concerns about their children - that's normal - but everyone develops at different rates.

Is there any particular incident that has made you into a constant worrier - difficulty in getting pregnant? Difficult birth? Etc. Are you suffering from post natal depression? If you feel that your worrying is more than normal, then it may be worth having a chat with your doctor.

It's perfectly normal to worry. I know that I do and that this is the feature of many conversations that we have together (e.g. Discussing what to do about sleep, eating, travel quandaries, etc.).
However, it sounds like you might be aware that your worrying might be getting you down and making you feel anxious. If this is the case, a chat with your Health Visitor or a Sure Start Centre worker might be really useful to you. My Sure Start centre also offer free counselling with an excellent childcare nursery.
Personally, I'd steer clear of anyone who may advise sleeping / anti-depressant medication. Instead, focus on sharing your concerns with a professional and getting their objective feedback. I know it's hard, but really try NOT to compare your child to ANY other.
My son and daughter have been significantly different to the children of my friends - in every respect.
I have to say that I was sceptical of the Health Visitors at first but did come to trust one after a while and it helped. PN Depression can reveal itself later on and there are lots of professionals who are super keen to help us mummies when / if this happens/ looks possible.
Try to go to lots of Sure Start / other toddler groups. Talk to other mums too. Realising that we all have similar concerns is also helpful.
Being a mummy is like getting a job as a mechanic before doing an apprenticeship qualification. Talking to an expert on 'cars' and to other people in the same situation really helps!
Xxx

I am deffo going to try & find a local toddler group so I can talk to people going through the same thing! It's so odd because I know deep down he will do everything he's supposed to.My main concern has been the whole talking thing...but that's because of the comparing all the time...thanks for all the advice.I have to try & just get it into my head that it will even out in the end & just stop worrying! He's my first so I wonder if I'm doing everything right but I know I have done a good job so far just gotta keep telling myself that :-)
Ps: I spoke to a hv the other day & they told me he is right on track & they are pretty useless really as I did raise my concerns/worry & just got the usual response...he's fine! X

They can be totally useless and ... in my area most are v old. This doesn't help. I had to almost write it on a blackboard to get their attention 'I AM STRUGGLING.'
If you don't find them helpful then do def find your local Sure Start Centre. I personally found the staff there much better at helping me to adjust to and feel confident/ competent at parenting. I was doing things right but also questioned things.
It was good to have experienced, up to date and emotionally uninvolved (objective) people to chat to as and when I needed to (at their groups, for example).
The talking thing: talk to him, read to him, sing rhymes and try to let comparisons go. Ask the HV and Sure Start staff about his progress here. I'm sure you already had.
I didn't find private toddler groups as helpful but ok at meeting other mums.

I'm an assessor of dyslexia and happen to have a book which contains a couple of pages on developmental warming signs related to speech and language. Message me and I will email them to you ;)

Did you, your hubby or another family member have related developmental difficulties? Is this why you're worrying? Or are you just worrying that your parenting skills might not be up to the job of getting your son to where you see others' children?

If it helps, I'm the same mummy and yet have two totally different children.

Warning - not 'warming'

Anyway, here's the book:
Check this out on AMZN: Childhood Speech, Language & Listening Problems: What Every Parent Should K... amazon.co.uk/dp/B000T4CU64

If you read it, please don't go looking for problems but use the pages on Warning Signs to reassure you. Pages 13-15

My dd only had a few words until she was 3. I spoke to my HV and she said that as long as dd listened to me and could follow simple instructions not to worry. If you think speech might be a little delayed (which I don't think it is personally) get all proactive on your worry and do something, that should scare your worry away .

Look in the Mn archives at speech delay, teach Lo some simple makaton s signs and use them all the time yourself and talk to your HV and ask about a hearing test for Lo.

All of these should help you and Lo.

Ah see you've already spoken to your HV. If you think hearing may be an issue just ask him if he wants some cake very quietly, that should see if he can hear or just talk to your HV again but push for the hearing test.

Some children's centres do speech development groups so it might be worth asking about those too.

Lots of mums worry, it's normal. I think I'm probably one of the more chilled out ones, but even I can't help comparing my DD to others. She said virtually nothing until a couple of weeks ago (she's 18 months), but in the last couple of weeks her speech exploded and she is learning and saying a new word every couple of days. It's amazing. I always expecte a delay though as we are bringing her up bilingually. I fully expect her to be mixing her languages for a long time to come.

Don't worry and do your best not to compare to others as difficult as it is!

Thanks that's what I'm hoping...that his words will just come from nowhere very soon...see I said hoping again lol
IM SURE THEY WILL VERY SOON ;-)
Positive attitude x

The thing about comparing is thAt it stops you enjoying your child for who they are and enjoying the here and now.

So true! I know one day I won't even remember all this crazy worrying & it is somewhat stopping me enjoying him for who he is! Fresh week Coming up & I'm gonna do my best to just chill ;-)

I hope you do find a way to relax. My delayed talker can now read fluently at 5.5 and is well above average at school. DS who didn't crawl until he was 12 months is now sport mad. Wish I'd learnt how to relax more and just enjoy them for who they are, it took me far too long.

Have a lovely week together and enjoy the here and now with your Lo