Scary trailer triggered fear in my 10 year old daughter..

[Anuja]

Hi all,
This is my first time on mumsnet and it was my GP who suggested I should join. I have two daughters, 10 and 4 years old. My older one had gone to a friends party and they decided to do weird searches on you tube! They ended up looking at horror trailers, mainly related to a clown.
Since that day, been two weeks now she is scared to be alone, does not go to any part of the house without my younger one. Plus she has nightmares.
I have no idea how to get rid of this fear she has. Please help...

Hello

We've moved this to 'Behaviour/development' now

Welcome Anuja - hope you get some good advice.

I don't really know what to suggest but I had a similar problem with my DD1. She stayed at a friends house when she was 8 and they watched something scary about vampires. Since then she won't stay anywhere overnight and I she is now 10. I have tried talking to her about it, but she just clams up and then she says it doesn't matter. She has never been a fan of anything scary, and that includes Harry potter, dr Who or anything like that.

My DS struggled with the fiction/reality aspects of film. What helped was viewing the extras on a film, where they show the special effects, the makeup and the actors taking when not in role. As BTP suggests.
Might not help with this specific incident, but for the future.

I was scared by a trailer at a similar age. All I can really suggest in be patient. Allow her a bed side light, and her little sister for company if required
I'm sure she will be fine with time

I watched The Shining at a friend's house aged 11. I slept with my Mum for a year and then, after my Dad turfed me back into my own room, I slept with the bedside light on and all my teddies lined up around my bed to protect me from axe murders for a further year. I was pretty traumatised. I still can't watch the vast majority of 18 rated films...I'm in my 30s!

Big hug for your dd!

Maybe try to explain to her that everything on television, movies and also this movie trailer is not real.
It's just a man with make-up on and a mask.

Maybe look at a making off from a scary movie with her. For example the making of of thriller from Micheal Jackson.

It all looks so scary, but if you see the making of then it's so different.

Also on you tube there are a lot of Halloween makeup tutorials to be found on there. First you see how the person looks normally and then they apply the make-up, masks, contact lenses etc step by step.

You can tell her there are some wrong people out there in the world. I wouldn't talk about killers, but keep it to thieves and people who are not that very nice.

But they don't look scary. They are just normal and behave normal. Otherwise everyone would know that the person is a thief and then he/she wouldn't be able to steal anything anymore.

Try to keep things light and funny. Like:
Would you trust someone with your money or become friends with someone if on their forehand would stand: 'I'm a thief'?

Or if they look so terrible as the clown that you did see in that youtube film?
If you see a clown like that you'd run away, wouldn't you? The clown wouldn't be able to do anything. If he tries to run after you he'll fall over his big shoes and brake is big red ugly clowns nose.

Good luck with this problem,

Sylvia

Sorry forgot,

I'd also thank the parent or adult who was suppose to watch the children on that party for letting them watch scary movie trailers on you tube.

Maybe their child isn't scared of it. But they should have been aware that other children of that young age might get very upset when they see such images.

I never had any problem with horror films. I couldn't handle the true stories. Because I understood that those events truly happened.

I'll never forget my history teacher. I never was able to get along with him. Then one day he thought it was educational for us to see a 16+ movie about the true story of a family that was being taking to a concentration camp.

I was only 13 years old at that time. No one in my class was 16 years or older.

It was terrible and the idiot (teacher) said before he showed us the film that it was a very sad film, but in the end things turn out well.

I remember so well that I didn't wanted to see it. It was so sad, but I thought there was going to be a good ending of this film. Because the teacher had said so.

The ending was this:
First father was killed in the concentration camp on a horrible way. Then his mother became ill and also was killed there.

The young boy survived the war, but after everything that has happened to him he didn't wanted to live anymore.

That was the end of the movie.

I've been crying my eyes out!!!! Even worse everyone was smiling and laughing at me, because I was the only one who was so upset by seeing this film. That made me feel even worse.

For a whole week I've been crying and I've slept terrible. I even had panic attacks, hyperventilation. It was terrible!!! All because of some idiot who didn't understood that if a film is rated for 16+. It means that you must not and are not allowed to show it to anyone below that age.
Neither did he understood that those warnings are there for a good reason!!!

He learned his lesson, not to much later we had a different history teacher.
But never not ever did the idiot apologized to me.

Sylvia

I'm with the others in thinking showing her how films are made, especially special effects, as mentioned above DVDs of behind the scenes stuff & maybe a film museum or videos online.

I have wondered over the years as my own DD would be watching the scariest 18 slasher movies & horror if we let her, though we don't of course, she really has no fear of any of it, never has had, though we do still monitor what she watches but she is fascinated by special effects so we do let her watch some carefully vetted 15s - I'm wanting my light on, but not DD, its all just very clever art to her & she loves to look out for the cracks, be it a shaky stone wall, inappropriate watch or trainers etc

I realised a long time ago this stems from her knowing a few actors over the years since she was tiny, she's spotted them for example in films such as 101 Dalmatians & has seen through the character they played as " why is xxs Daddy pretending to be so nasty, he's not, I know he's lovely etc etc - so she has grown up being able to immerse herself in the story yet never believe in it IYSWIM, - getting your DD to see it in that way too is most likely the way forward

Oh & get her a dream catcher too - hang it in her window, explain that is an ancient protection that catches bad dreams & saves her from dreaming them & then make a ritual of shaking it out every night so that it can catch more - this reminds her every night its there - I've known this work well with friends DCs

Good luck