Whispering - is it me or is it rude ?

[Norah]

Really would appreciate some other opinions on this one !

I was brought up to believe that it was rude to whisper - in front of other people I mean ! My mother maintained that if you had something to say you should say it - or if it was private save it for later. Also - by implication I guess - if someone is whispering in someone else's ear they must be saying something nasty about someone there ?? Does that make sense ?

Anyway - I sincerely do/did believe this and don't let my dd whisper in this way ! She now has a friend who does it all the time and it is driving me quite mad ! dd knows not to do it - but this friend seems to think it's fine as does her mum (she has been seen doing the same) - and her mum is otherwise a thoroughly nice lady - so I am now wondering whether it's me ?

Is whispering rude ? What do you think ?

Yes I agree - I think whispering is very rude.

Mind you, in a child it is a child like thing. But I wouldn't encourage it. Adults doing it is something else.

I don't think 2 ittle girls whisper to each other is rude - just playing. If it was at the dinner table though or if it was excluding another child I think that would be rude

I think it's rude. I know they often don't mean to be rude, but let's face it, it would be rude if we did it wouldn't it? So they have to be told.

Like everything else it depends on context - if it's going to lead other people to think they're being talked about it's rude, but say you're with a group of adults and your child comes up and whispers in your ear that he needs to go to the toilet, rather than interrupting the flow of conversation and informing everyone else, then that's good manners.

whispering is definitely rude

No Kathy. I think he should be made to stand on a chair and proclaim his needs, specifically, for all to hear.

@Spidermama

yes it is rude, really grates on me because it's only purpose is to exclude others who are in the room - how much ruder can you be!!

it probably is..but shy children also do it

Thanks everyone - glad I'm not alone in this !

The whispering this morning was the friend talking about me to dd - I did say "Please don't whisper it's rude" but said friend said "No it's not - Mummy lets me !"

Just set me off wondering whether I was way off beam with my view !

zippi, I know what you mean, but speaking from experience (VERY shy child I was, blushed as soon as anyone glanced at me, etc) my mum still told me it was rude. If I was too shy, I would be quiet!

Maybe it's one of those 'in this house we don't ...' things you sometimes have to explain to visiting children. Like some people insist on taking shoes off inside.

I think it is a bit rude but also natural for children, so I would discourage it but without being too heavy.

I was taught exactly the same as a child. I think it's rude if someone whispers in an obviously covert way that is clearly excluding someone else, such as little girls who usually whisper while staring at someone, and cover their mouths with their hands so that person can't see or hear... definitely rude! But the "I need the toilet" type of whisper is OK as it's meant to exclude others for their benefit and not in order to make them feel bad.

That's what I'll be trying to teach ds anyway!

Sorry I do whisper to my kids and them to me, but then our kind of whispering is not to say bad things about other people.

I use it to quietly ask them to do things or to tell them its time to go. Beats screaming like a fishwife.

To let them know if they have a treat to get or some other special thing.

I love it when DD whispers silly little cute things in my ear.

WHen you say its rude to whisper in front of people, would it not be pretty silly to whisper if no one was there. Usually the other people (usually PIL) know what I am on about anyway and I am usually winking at them.

I agree that it is rude.
I have a friend who does it every time we go out in a group of girlfriends ( and never to me).
It makes me quite uncomfortable!

Skribble - I do that with my dd too - but never with my hand over my mouth - I think that's the rude bit probably - kind of really emphasising that you don't want anyone else to know (even by lip reading) what you are saying.

I think as others have said - it's much worse when adults do it.

I shall persist in asking my dd to desist then - safe in the knowledge that it's not just me who thinks it's rude !

Yes it's rude and then you have parents speeding up their words and not pronouncing them correctly. It's like"Pig Latin" went wrong.

It's nice to see people still reading your post huh?