does your ds play with dolls and tea sets?

[kitegirl]

My ds (2.2) is not into dolls. He doesn't have one and never has had one. He's seen them at friends' houses but doesn't care. He likes other toys - cars, trains, diggers, bricks. Ditto tea sets - he doesn't have one, was not interested in playing with one at a friend's house so I haven't bought him one. So, when he recently had a development check he was completely disinterested when asked to 'make the dolly a cup of tea'. The paed thinks this is a sure sign of an autistic spectrum disorder. I'm asking - how would he know what to do with a doll if he's never had one? or a tea set? Is it something that is innate that he would automatically be able to demonstrate given the opportunity? It just came as a bit of a surprise and probably revealed how narrow and gender-specific my choice of toys for him is... So, off to buy dolls and tea sets?

My DS always has because he has an older sister. I did buy him a blue tea set from ELC for his birthday though when he was 2 so he could have his own stuff without wrecking hers! It gets played alot (by both of them) and they are always playing mummies and daddies in the wendy house with dolls and prams. He is also BIG TIME into power rangers, trains, cars, diggers.

Seems a sweeping statement to make about your son to say he's on the autistic spectrum because he doesn't know how to make a cuppa. He's just a man!!

That's a bit pants on the face of it AFAIK while the checklists suggest "making the dolly a cup of tea" they add "or look for evidence of other imaginative play". Will he play any other "pretend" games for example, be a pretend fireman putting out a pretend fire, or pretend that a cardboard box is a car and "drive" it?

DS (1.5) has a doll and will occasionally give it a hug or put it into its box-bed but that's about it. I can't see him as a tea set type at the moment, either, but he does like the play kitchen at nursery so we may get him one of those at some point.

I agree with other kayzed & kbear seems extreme to make such a statement!!

children never do what you want during a check!! my nephew just had his and he wouldn't do anything he was asked not even kick a ball and he does this all day usually!!

Dont worry too much I don't know how a hv/paed can make such a decision based on one observation

I agree it's about teh imaginative play thing they are checking for.

DS has a tea set and he also has saucepans etc and some old kitchen stuff - whisk, wooden spoon.

I would have to get it out and encourage him to play with it, as left to his own devices he will usually choose trains or cars.

Could you involve him in helping you cook etc a bit, then give him his own set of stuff?

Ds doesn;t have any dolls, he has teddies & oterh animals, but woldn;t play with them as such, they are more a comfort thing.

I think they sometimes have dolls to play with at nursery and he loves the Pink Barbie car they've got!

He is also 2.2

It is a bit far-fetched to make an assumption of any disorder at all on such a test! But I would expect your DS to know HOW to play with a tea set, as he has presumably seen people pouring tea etc - but he probably just didn't feel like it on the day.

DS 'failed' his 2 year check for speech because when she pointed at the doll and asked him what it was he just shook his head. He had been speaking in complete sentences since he was 18 months, and afterwards when DP asked him why he didn't say 'doll' he said 'I didn't like the doll - it had weird spooky eyes and it was looking at me'. But he failed on speech.

Was the check routine, or to investigate anything else you have been concerned about? was any follow-up suggested?

DH nearly 'failed' his 2-year check -- but fortunately when the HV, having singularly failed to get him to utter a peep, said in concern to MIL "Usually they can say one or two words at this age" he responded with "I can say quite a few words, actually".

Kitegirl, if that's the only thing the paed is going on, sounds completely daft.

LOL at Blu and LeahE - you'd think HVs would have an idea of the way children behave when strange people ask them strange things, wouldn't you? I failed my pre-school check because when the man asked me how many fingers I had I said eight - because I knew I had two thumbs. My mother is still cross about it all these years later!

Ds has a doll but doesn't really play with her. But he loves his play kitchen, plates and cutlery, his shopping trolley and his doll's buggy. And lots of traditional boys' toys too.

He was referred to the paed because of my concerns about his speech or lack of (he has a v small vocabulary for his age). We are seeing a SALT in two weeks. I understand now that the paed was looking for signs of imaginative play to rule out ASD, however I didn't realise this at the time so when she asked if ds did a, b or c I said no to all of them. If she had asked 'does your son engage in imaginative play and can you give me some examples' I could have done that. So it was that and the speech delay that resulted in the diagnosis. And the manner it was delivered in makes my blood boil as well! Thanks for your replies.

Hi,
My ds1 never played/s (he's 4 now) with dolls or tea sets - when he was 2 we got him a doll - to prepare for the arrival of ds2, but he was never interested and never has been in dolls/teddies/anything that might be a person, as opposed to a 'thing' - i.e. he loves his trains, cars, books but not dolls, teddies etc. (having said that he did go through a big Buzz Lightyear phase).

ds2 is the complete opposite - is now 2 and loves playing with his soft toys and dolls - will set out picnics for them, talk to them, etc.

I think the autistic thing is a really interesting angle because I'd say if I had to put them both on the spectrum, ds1 would certainly be further along it (i.e. towards autism) than ds2 - but it's not at all anything I'd consider to be a serious problem/issue. But ds1 is far less communicative, didn't speak to anyone other than me and dp until he was well past 3, has real problems doing eye contact, much prefers to be on his own etc. Ds2 is a born communicator and very social child. So i think it's down to personalities and certainly with ds1 dp and I know we've got to try to help him communicate with people - he's getting better at it - and talk to him about empathy, feelings etc - we still have a go at playing games with dolls/action men etc. but he's really into puzzles and mazes at the minute! So maybe always going to be more interested in things and the mechanics of them.

Hope some of this made sense!

Imaginative play can be a really tricky area to assess IME.

When ds1 was being assessed the SALT tried to get him involved in a pretend tea party with toys and a tea-set. Ds1 had no idea what to do. When told "Give teddy a cup of tea" and handed a cup he just put the cup on the teddy's head.

Ds2 was assessed in the same way. He was able to imitate the SALT in pouring the tea and so at first it looked as though he had imaginative play. However, he didn't make any attempt to change the game in any way and just repeated the same action and with the same bear over and over again.

Both boys have ASD.

My dd only had one word at 2, 4 at 2.2, but now at 2.4 I suspect she has around 80, and adds several each day. And she is putting words together now as well. SHe does know what to do with a tea set, but would probably offer the doll a choice of wine, beer or tea, as these are the only drinks words she knows .