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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dd 20 months doesn't like kisses...is this normal?

15 replies

Lulututu · 06/04/2013 22:55

Hi
Just in need of some advice as Gp's have said they are worried that my dd isn't a very kissy baby. If gp's or other close members of family ask dd for a kiss she is very reluctant and often says no. She has never been a kissy baby though but I respect she has her own personality.

She is very affectionate towards me and dh ...although kisses have never been her favourite thing it doesn't bother me as she is affectionate in order ways (she likes to be carried alot and loves cuddles).

I am quite into AP in my approach to parenting and it seems to be working really well. I think dd is very sociable and is just interested in exploring rather than giving kisses... The gp's think its because she should spend more time away from me and one GP made the comment she was the least loving child she has met.

I am really angry at this comment as surely my child isn't here for the benefit of pleasing gp's and to kiss them on demand. Maybe my dd just isn't into kissing for the sake of it...she is a toddler so surely she doesn't understand why people want kisses just yet.

I take it that she feels secure and happy in herself and so she isn't needy and wanting to seek kisses and doesn't feel the need to please just yet. Obviously it would be nice to have a baby who loves kissing...but u respect my dd is who she is.

If me or dh ask her for a kiss we only get one 50% of the time...but I never make a big deal of it. And as I said before she is affectionate in other ways (mainly towards me and dh rather than other family members). She co sleeps with us and always wants to be around either me or dh so she isn't unattached in anyway.

So I just wondered if anyone else's dd's are not very kissy towards relatives or is it something to worry about...

Gp's are making me feel like we are doing something wrong because of the lack if kisses they get :-/

Thanks

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LadyintheRadiator · 06/04/2013 23:02

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Original poster

Lulututu · 06/04/2013 23:07

thanks for your reply
I also give a kiss and always make sure i say i love you saying goodnight but the kiss is often on her head as she will not mouth kiss. and she lays next to me to get to sleep but likes her own space too. I am of the thinking it's just her personality and i'll always make sure I will be there for kisses when she is ready and I always give her a cuddle when she wants...it's just the gp's making me question whether I have caused it and making a big deal out of it.
I'm hoping she will want more kisses as she gets older :-)

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LadyintheRadiator · 06/04/2013 23:15

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Zatopek · 06/04/2013 23:20

I am an AP style parent, always wore them in slings and picked them up a lot. I have one DD who doesn't like kisses and cuddles and will rarely say good night. She has never said "I Love you". Even as a newborn she was not a particularly cuddly baby.

I have another DD who has been cuddly from birth and loves lots of affection and gives it to others too.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 06/04/2013 23:24

Your parents sound very insecure if they need kisses all the time. Do they expect that from other people? I'm sure they don't.

Your DD sounds perfectly normal, who would want to give kisses on demand all the time?!

Jakeyblueblue · 06/04/2013 23:26

I'm an AP too and my 21 month ds will kiss, but only when he feels like it. If he doesn't feel like it, it's a 'no' or he just ignores you.
Perfectly normal I think, ignore it and remind them that funnily enough, kissing grandparents on demand, isn't one of the milestones!!

Quak · 06/04/2013 23:27

She might start to pick up that not giving kisses is an issue if her gp go on about it. You are happy and secure with her and her own personality so make sure that they don't undo your good work. People are different and they should understand that.

janey223 · 06/04/2013 23:42

DS is 15months and mostly pushes me away.

He'll blow kisses and randomly comes up and gives me massive sloppy kisses every few days

Original poster

Lulututu · 07/04/2013 20:01

Well you've all made me feel tons better sharing what your own dc's are like. I just alwsys thought toddlers prefer exploring their new world so i wasn't worried until gp's started to make comments. My dd is a real mummy's girl and i think they'd prefer it if she wad needy for affection from them. They like to blame my parenting style (which they don't agree with ) and say its because she isn't without me enough...

Think i should do what i normally do and keep listening to my insticts about my own dd...

Thsnks again

OP posts:

Original poster

Lulututu · 07/04/2013 20:03

Typos...on phone :-)

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clabsyqueen · 07/04/2013 23:43

My DD is 20 months and never gives kisses, I don't even ask though I do give her tonnes! She will offer her forehead if asked by someone else! She is a very loving fun relaxed child. I wouldn't dream of demanding kisses.

nicki1978 · 08/04/2013 11:05

Our DS is 22mths, he's more than happy to give my mum, sisters and their partners and my niece a big kiss, but we never get one! Lol xx

rrreow · 08/04/2013 14:15

That's kind of hilarious... GPs are feeling rejected by your child not wanting to kiss them, therefore it must be your child's problem...!! Your DC sounds completely normal and I think it's great that she can make her own decisions with regards to how and when to show affection.

ChunkyPickle · 08/04/2013 14:22

Nahh - she's normal - DS has only just decided that kisses and cuddles are OK, and even then, only when he decides/grants access.

His cousin on the other hand has always been into kisses (or sucking chins) and cuddles.

They're all different.

gloucestergirl · 08/04/2013 18:49

I think that it is interesting that kissing isn't inscintive (or at least for my child). DD has a "kiss" book and I kiss the animals in it. She tries to copy me but has a licking action. She is 13 months and very cuddly, but no proper kisses.

My way of dealing with your situation would be to discuss the nature of kissing and how it is different for every person, but I am a science geek who can get away with this type of conversation. Hope that you can come up with something to say to them (hopefully without alienating them) as they have been hurtfully and you need to stand up for your little daughter.

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