Help! 17week old 2nd son suddenly hates his cot!

[Sjwh75]

He just screams when I put him bad down in cot day and night and will only stay there for an hour, he will sleep in my bed for over 5/6 solid without a peep? Help please it's driving us crazy and poor hubby has no bed!!!

Babies learn very quickly. For him, a week is forever. Unfortunately this means new habits can form very quickly. He has clearly learned that sleeping in your bed is nicer than sleeping in his cot and the longer you let this continue, the harder it will be to change his mind! For daytime naps, put him in his cot and if he cries (but is not hungry or ill) then let him cry. Go back to him every 5 minutes and, without touching him, make sure he's all right. If he's not asleep in 30 minutes, get him up again. Use the same procedure at night but keep going until he is asleep, however long it takes! It is hard (I sat outside my daughter's room for 3 nights, crying while she cried) but it works! With my daughter it was 40 minutes the first night, 25 minutes the second and 10 minutes the last night. After that, she just went to sleep in her own cot, by herself - bliss! And the sooner you do it, the quicker it will work so go for it! Good luck!

Do NOT let him cry it out! What a horrible suggestion for a tiny baby! Nobody recommends CIO or CC for under-1s any more because it's known to be so bad for them. Apart from anything else he's only 17 weeks old and can't physically form the memories yet that habits are based on - so it's not a habit.

It's far more likely to be that 16-17 weeks is a classic growth spurt + developmental leap. And therefore a sleep regression (try googling or MN-searching 16-week/4 month sleep regression and you'll find dozens of threads). All he knows is that he needs to be physically close to you to see him through this period. Have a look up the Wonder Weeks, too.

Try feeding him to sleep, or cuddling him to sleep, and you'll see lots of other suggestions on those threads too, but please don't just leave him to cry!

Sorry to disagree, Zuleika, but my suggestion was based on experience with 2 babies of my own and the experience of many friends who also have young children. It isn't cruel to help your baby learn to sleep - it's vital, for your well-being and for theirs. My babies were both happy and confident and benefited from having a good sleeping pattern early on. I wouldn't and didn't suggest leaving a newborn to cry, but at 17 weeks I think this is fine. I also said you should make sure that baby wasn't hungry or ill. The idea that at 17 weeks he "can't physically form memories yet" is just wrong. Having studied child development (I used to be a nursery nurse) I can categorically say that this is simply wrong. Did you know, for example, that a newborn learns to recognise it's mother's scent within days of birth? Anyway, hope you sort out your problem so you both get more sleep.

Actually cathan sleep training is not recommended before 6 months. SJ if you do decide to go that route then please read this: www.mumsnet.com/babies/sleep-training-and-controlled-crying
and other info before trying it. Some people do find it as quick as cathan did, others do not and it may take a lot longer than 3 days (all babies being different)
I would agree it sounds like classic 4 month sleep regression to me. Around 4 months babies change from newborn sleep patterns (sleeping when they are tired/full/content) to having sleep patterns much more like adult and they DO need to learn how to put themselves to sleep. However there are many other (and some would say gentler) ways to help them learn to do this than CC/CIO. Granted they arent as quick and take a bit more effort, but I'd recommend you look into all the different techniques before choosing one you are happy with. No Cry Sleep Solution being one.
Finally I'd like to say even if you do nothing and carry on co-sleeping/feeding to sleep your baby WILL eventually learn to self settle himself. It just might not be for quite some time so you can either go with it for now or use sleep training. Personally I would just out up with it for a few months until hes six months. You've got to see it from his POV, hes been inside you for 9 months its natural for him to be happier close to you.

cathan I'm afraid I don't care what your advice was based on - it's quite simply bad advice that goes absolutely against medical advice and research into baby brain development. It's complete nonsense that babies have to be 'helped' to learn to sleep. If you go with what they need then they learn to sleep perfectly well by themselves.

I'm afraid it is also true that babies of this age cannot form memories yet. Recognising a scent (or a voice etc) is completely different from memory formation. FWIW I am also a childcare professional.

Honestly? I don't think a spat over sleep training is going to help SJ.

Is there any way you can get hold of a bedside cot/co-sleeper? It saved my bacon when DD went through the 4 month hell. I could feed or cuddle her to sleep and then either sleep myself or during the day ease myself away when she was sound asleep and it meant DH could still stay in with us (although when she was waking every 45 mins I ended up telling him to sleep in the spare room for his sanity) Its also safer than inadvertently co-sleeping out of exhaustion/desperation.