Me and DH at logger heads over DS

[nilbyname]

THe last few weeks have seen my usually lovely DS regress a bit.

He is 4 and has been really independent/quick off the mark to do lots of things like getting dressed, shoes on, teeth brushed, coats zipped and so on. He has been doing all this for about a year. He has a little sister, she is 16m. But he is beginning to try and get us to help him all the time.

Last week DD was very ill and we have been in/out doctors and then hospital with her, as a result DS has been at friends houses rather alot and I know he has "missed" us. He has started to use a baby voice more and more, and lots of pretend crying. It drives DH and I potty, but I know he is just looking for extra love and attention, which we have been giving him, as well as trying to correct and nudge the baby talk out.

This morning I drop him off at pre-school and he starts with the "stay mummy" and pretend crying, I stay for a bit, read a story, lots of hugs, talk about me needing to leave for work. So that is all fine, I get up to leave and he shouts "no!" and smacks me in the neck! It was sore! He never hits out, he is generally really sweet. I told him off, he apologised, we kissed I left.

Spoke to DH, he is livid and wants to know how we are going to punish him. I think that by the time he comes home it will be too long in the past to link it to punishment. I think we should talk to him when we get home, nothing more.

I am being too soft?

I think you were probably just caught off guard since you say he never normally shits out. If you'd been at home or if it was something that happened regularly, I'm sure you would have punished him.

I see where your husband is coming from with not wanting this to become a habit and making sure he knows it's wrong to hit, but I totally agree that by the end of the day it will be too long for a four-year-old to understand why you're punishing him, and also a bit unfair and confusing for him since you already told him off and he apologised.

*HITS out!!

tHanks catlady

lol at shits out!!

I think you do need to allow for the stress he will have had over the last week. Children do really find it stressful to be sent to friends' houses while siblings are needing to be fussed over. I have had a few times where I've taken one look at a child I've known and immediately known something was wrong, and it's been parents with sibling in hospital. I can only describe the look as "lost".*

So I would baby him for the time being-he'll get bored of it. And keep making special times for him. Maybe you could take him swimming, or just do a special day out just with him.
Reassure him that you are there for him just as much as his sister, and he is special to you. Obviously you can't promise you won't do it again, but explain how you had to be in hospital with your dd, and if he was in hospital you'd be with him too.

Don't punish him. He was probably as upset as you were.

*That's not a blame; you didn't have a choice.

You dealt with it at the time. Any additional punishment would be unecessary. He's obviously feeling a little bit insecure, as you realise, so I'd go the other way and give him lots of love so he feels secure again.
(Agree about the baby voice though - it drives me crazy!)

Thanks for all your input, I feel really reassured now that I am not "too soft" and that my instinct is right.

I will do the baby voice back and snuggle him up in baby blankets.

We have been "love bombing" a bit in the eve. We had a bath together last night then, we did some playing in his room just us. I am going to do something special with him at the weekend.