Feeling a bit stressed and worried about 2.6 DS

[Ozziegirly]

I have DS1 (2.6) and 3mo DS2. DS1 has always been hot tempered, gets frustrated, but is also quick to laugh and get over things (like me....). Wears his emotions close to the surface, but he has always responded well to firm boundaries, positive praise etc.

For the last month though, his behaviour has really deteriorated. He seems tired a lot even though he sleeps for 2-3 hours in the day and 10ish hours at night. Eating is fine.

We have had huge tantrums over things like leaving playgroup\park and he used to be fine with this. I do the normal "last play", countdowns etc but he still erupts into a rage when we leave.

Also, he is becoming increasingly physical, both with me and DH but also with his friends - not hitting per se, but kind of barging them, pushing them away from what he is playing with, occasional biting. I do time out and then warn him that we will go home and then follow it through. How else to deal with this, as I feel like I really don't him to be labelled "the pushy one", especially as a few of his (lovely) friends do burst into tears at minimal physical contact, which makes me feel awful.

We have tantrums over teeth cleaning, getting in and out of the bath, he seems to get over excited when DH comes home and we have had excited tantrums almost every night.

But then other times he is wonderful - beach on saturday and he played for ages so nicely, ditto in the park with some random children.

Just don't know what to do as the tantrums are increasing in ferocity and seemingly over tiny little things.

Feel down that it is making me walk on eggshells every time we are out with friends.

I do lots of positive praise but don't want to be hovering over him all the time as he plays, but at the moment it feels like I am spending so much time telling him off.

Is there some testosterone surge or growth spurt or something at this age?

Any suggestions for what else I could try would be great - I am not being the mother I want to be, I love chatting with him, doing fun things and being silly but at the moment it just feels like I am being strict all the time.

Yes boys can definitely get more demanding around that age, perhaps it is a testosterone surge. My ds (now 4) was quite difficult at that age, always running off and not heeding "stop!" or "come here!" You'll be glad to know he's (mostly) well-behaved now! Lots of boys are quite boisterous and I found at play centres or playgroup there were always a couple of them that age who barged into others and wrestled toys off each other. My friend's little boy is just over 2 and while he has always been a placid laid-back little boy he is now starting to do this. Most likely the arrival of a sibling in your case has exacerbated this behaviour - he may just be acting out aggression or playing up because change has taken place and he is still getting used to having a new db. Obviously don't tolerate aggressive behaviour but you may have to overlook some milder naughtiness, so you don't feel like you're telling him off constantly. I felt like I was completely overusing the word "no!" and worried it would lose its meaning. The naughty mat (our take on the naughty step - a small mat in the dining room) worked really well for us since ds was 2. just the threat of sitting on it if he didn't stop a certain behaviour often worked. But you might need too be careful introducing new forms of discipline shortly after the arrival of baby - if he is feeling a little pushed out you don't want him to associate new discipline methods with baby and blame them. It will pass! Believe me, it isn't you or anything you are doing. Just a very difficult age! When they get a little older you can reason with them better and it gets a whole lot easier and then the new challenges like school start Keep going and plenty of !

Hi Ozziegirl' wish I had advice for you however I can tell you that you are not alone!! watching this with interest as we are in a similar situation with DS who is 2.3 and who also has a baby sister of now 6 mo. DS who is usually a very calm, cheerful and social little fella has now suddenly found joy in hitting .... His parents, sister, playmates...everyone....and only yesterday i found myself completely helpless in a playgroup where he had caused several children to cry . So really hope that some wise MNter has got some advice for us!!

Thank you! I do think it's to do with having a new DS - I have him in the baby carrier quite a bit to stop him crying and I think DS1 sees it as a physical barrier between us and it's like he needs to get his physical interraction elsewhere.

I need to work on getting ds2 sleeping in his cot, he co-sleeps (again, only through convenience and an attempt to avoid prolonged crying) and I can imagine DS feels pushed out by this too.

Agree that I need to let some of the milder stuff go, but he is a boundary pusher so I have always been quite strict but also fun and daft too and at the moment it's like all the fun has gone out of everything :(