could really just do with a chat.. feeling so fed up.

[ditsydoll]

DD is 4 and usually really well behaved but the last few weeks she has been rude and quite badly behaved (I'm 30 weeks with dc2 so I think she's just venting her feelings)
She's been having some problems at nursery with a little boy and last week came home really upset with a big mark on her back covered in pen. I called nursery and went in for a chat which made me feel better but nursery also brought up that she had been rubbing her bits on the chair at school and that it was normal but she seemed quite upset when she was asked to sit still (iv been on here before over this issue and everyone said it was normal for her age but I'm still concerned)
I have told her offs before when in public for doingit after trying the sit still/bums are for private & distracting her hasn't worked.
I now feel like I might have given her a complex about it and she's obviously been upset by what the teacher has said when she saw what she was doing.
She's not as happy at nursery as she was and I feel really worried about her, I'm due in 10 weeks and I'm too worried about her to even enjoy being pregnant atm.
I feel like a terrible mum.
Any experience/ advice would b really appreciated
Thanks

Sorry for the long post.

Anyone?

When you say "rubbing her bits" do you mean her private bits? As I have seen a child doing this before so I think it is normal. What are you concerned about with the bits rubbing??

Does your DD know she's about to be a big sister as she may be starting to feel jealous and insecure about the new baby. What did the Nursery say had happened to get pen all over her back??

Yes I meant her private bits, we have told her that it's only ok to do in private and she understands but still does it. I don't know how else to get her to stop in public(only seems to be at nursery or in her car seat)
Nursery didn't see what happened with the pen but she told me who had done it. She also had a big red mark on her back where she had been hit.

I just dread sending her into nursery at the minute.

Did they explain where the red mark came from as well and how they dealt with the child that hit her? Could she be unhappy there because she is clashing with another child? Does she get distressed when you send her in?

She's probably too young to really understand why she shouldnt do it in public, she probably just thinks it feels nice so who cares, she'll probably stop when she gets old enough to understand and will probably feel embarrassed about it. I wouldnt worry about it too much. Just try to make light of it if anyone notices, just tell her kindly to stop then roll your eyes at the person who saw and just say "tut, kids eh??" or something like that maybe?

What did the nursery day about the other kid? It's pretty serious if you don't feel she is safe there.

I think it's all a mix of things... Having problems with the little boy at nursery, having a new baby on the way, feeling like she's being told off for rubbing her bits. She seems really unsettled and I can't be there to deal with it, I just have to leave it to the nursery and hope they are dealing with it all well.
I have been in about it all and about her being unhappy but it seems to be getting us nowhere.
She's ok going in but seems quiet and abit upset when she comes home.
I just feel helpless

They said they didn't see who hit her or what happened, but that they would have a little group discussion which they did and she seemed fine that day, but she's been upset again today. I honestly feel like staying there with her so I can see how she's getting on. I spend the tome she's there worrying about what's going on.

Do that then hun, tell the nursery your concerns tell them your staying with her for the morning/afternoon. Have you thought about changing her Nursery? How long has she been going nursery and how long she been acting like this?

She started in September. It's just a school nursery and she will be starting school this September. I don't think it helps that I'm at home just worrying about the situation.
I think pregnancy hormones are making things seem 10 times worse and I'm just worried that she's unhappy.

Probably...i'm exactly the same...i give myself the horrors about things like bullying etc. Being pregnant wont help either as you feel everything ten times worse, but then you have to be careful...stress..baby..blah blah you know the story. But if it will put your mind at ease tell the nursery you want to stay for the session, you may find it does wonders for you.

I think it probably will, I don't know how they will feel about me waddling round the place but I'll ask lol. Thanks for listening.

Ok. I have a 4 month old dd and a 2 year old dd, at nursery. Dd1 regressed in terms of settling at nursery and was v clingy at drop offs. Enough for my nursery manager to hover about when I arrive, ready to swoop in and scoop up dd1 and distract her so I could leave. Dd1 was always ok after I'd left and was fine when I picked her up. In hindsight this was probably normal stuff with an incoming sibling - I separated from exh too so lots of upheaval. Anyway..... Where in going with this is that what's going on with the op's dd seems a bit more than that and if she were mine I'd keep on at nursery until things improve.
This is just my opinion but the rubbing her bits is something and nothing - a friends dd did this constantly and then it just went away on it own it's probably a development phase or something and its quite common. Hope you are ok op

My 4yo ds started nursery (pre-school) in September in the school where he'll go full-time next year, after going to a really nice private creche 3 days a week since he was 2. I got a bit of a shock initially as he was constantly coming home saying so-and-so "hitted me" and one day he had a cut lip and a lump / bruise under his eye where another child had thrown a block at him. Ds is quite sociable and was upset about it all. I hated him going there and wished he could just go back to creche and stay there where it was better supervised and there was no fighting! The hitting still goes on but seems to be settling down now and ds doesn't seem bothered by it anymore. I do think this is a difficult age though as a lot of children who attend nursery haven't yet really learned how to interact and play nicely with their peers. It seems to be more an immaturity issue than bullying at this age I think, although I'm not an expert. I do think that a child coming home with marks needs to have this issue brought up with the teacher, as if they didn't see what happened they need to be keeping a closer eye on her. I agree that you don't want to make a huge deal out of the rubbing herself issue, so that she doesn't get overly upset and conscious of it. Just a gentle reminder to stop fidgeting, and it would b good if the teacher could adopt the same approach rather than telling her off as such. My ds thinks it is amusing to play with his willy when sitting on the toilet and when he gets dressed in the morning he might dangle it at me and shout "da-daaaaaaa!" It is really quite funny but thankfully he doesn't do this in public! I'm sure your dd's behaviour will settle in that respect.

Thanks mummy2benji, sounds like dd is having normal problems and I'm probs just more sensitive with being all worked up on pregnancy hormones!