4 year old daughter problems

[NinaBabina]

Hi,
I'm a single parent, with a friendly relationship with my ex. Yesterday, after a weekend spent with a friend I was reunited with my daughter. She was being quite upsetting, saying things like ' I don't love you, you're not my friend' etc, which I know isn't true but I did find it hurtful and upsetting, being a sensitive soul! I just feel that when I spend any time apart from her we lost that bond and she is making me pay. Anyone else had a similar experience? Thank you.

just make a sad face, and say oh dear, because missed you,

she is just having difficulty expressing and articulating her feelings,

ask her, 'What were your best bits, and what were the worst bits?"

it really helps them to order their feelings and identify the different experiences,

When you pick up a child from school and ask them, "what did you do to day?"

you will get,"nothing" as a reply most the time,

if you ask, 'What were your best bits, and what were the worst bits?", they won't shut upstop with the information sharing.

that way you can pick over any thing that comes up, what her dad say?

Thanks, that's helpful, and good advice re picking her up from school, she does usually go very quiet when I ask what she's done today.
Her dad is very supportive and says be kind to mummy etc, I wish I had a thicker skin.
I have also started working part time this year, the first job since she's been born, and I have noticed her behaviour has changed since the new year so that could also be a factor, as she spends every morning with her grandparents now.

She is testing whether you still love her even when separated from you. My DH went away recently and DD (nearly 4) was really cross with him when he came back.

The best thing to do is to be really loving and show her she is not going to drive you away just because she happens to have some negative feelings at the moment. You are being strong and showing her that your relationship is strong enough to survive being fed up with each other (valuable life skill!)

Also be totally frank about the sadness of being apart, and try to articulate for her what she is feeling. eg "Why do you feel you don't love me at the moment, is it 'cos I was not nearby" (hard to do when you feel guilty, but it really helps make things better and re-cement the bond). And tell her you love her and you missed her.

If she can express and talk about these feelings, she will feel safe and close to you.