My best friend's baby has been born with Downs Syndrome

[HugeBowlofChips]

My best friend's baby was born today with Downs Syndrome. She is devastated. How can I support her best, and what should (and shouldn't) I say?

I would suggest not saying anything - just let her talk without judging her.

Two of my relatives have down's syndrome and are both completely different as are all the other people with down's syndrome I know.

she - and her family - will need the support of good friends over the coming days, weeks, months and years.

Can I suggest this.... www.kellehampton.com/p/nellas-birth-story.html
It's very American but Nella's birth story is amazing and the little girl is so beautiful...

The downs syndrome assocuation has a good leaflet on what to say and not to say

Giving her time and space to make her own mind up about how she feels. Just do the best you can for her, and be there for her. You are her best friend she knows that, your going to be her greatest comfort right now by her just knowing your on the sidelines ready to support her, and I am sure she knows that xxx

My DS had downs, diagnosed at birth. Just try not to say anything that's obviously putting your foot in it. Ask about the birth - let her tell her story. Give her space and time, she might not want to talk about it at all or might want to unload. Most of my friends were ok, one obv felt very sorry for us which bugged me for some reason.

(Disclaimer - I haven't been through this myself, but have supported a friend who has)

Don't say you're 'sorry'. Acknowledge that this is not how she imagined the beginning of her child's life and that there will be challenges ahead. Welcome the baby as you would any other.

Down's is often associated with various health problems and the baby may therefore need to be in hospital for a while. Visit in hosp if she wants you to, offer practical help, drop meals round, help look after any older dc.

I would assume that she is getting information about support organisations and hold off on any leaflets, internet links etc. And don't give her that Holland story.

My friend had a baby with Ds a few years ago. I supported her in the same way as I did with all her other kids. I went around, too lunch and dinner, made her cuppas and was there for her. I'm sure you'll be fine.

its a toughy....
obviously if this was only diagnosed at birth and not pregnancy, there is a LOT for her to get her head around. More than anything she is going to be devastated that her "dream" is shattered and will grieve for what she thought her child and future were going to be.

we don't know your friend as to what kind of person she is, is she sensitive, tough, practical, falls apart at the slightest thing??
i would act as you normally would with anyone who has had a baby, helping out, making tea, food that type of thing!!
as for the conversations and what to say, take your cues from her and how she is feeling and reacting xx

Thank you, all of you. I worry anything I say will be wrong - congratulations, sorry... I know this baby will be showered with love and be happy and fulfilled. But writing that in a card sounds glib. They are all in shock at the moment. I will try to give them space without seeming like I don't care or am ignoring the issues. x.