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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

ds computer addict at 3yrs

23 replies

nuttyworkingmum · 06/05/2006 00:51

Hello everyone,
My ds loves going on the pc and as I thought it was good to encourage at the start,humpf more fool me Im getting a bit fed up with the constant requests to go on it.I gave him 1/2 hour max each day but he started to hit and scream at me when I tried to ask him to come off. I feel a little silly letting it carry on for so long,does anyone have any similar probs or any advice to pull the plug so to speak!!? Oh now trying just learning games but hey they dont seem so entertaining as eating fish and shooting alien chickens!!!
cheers

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bloss · 06/05/2006 03:19

Ummm, bad mother over here lets it go...When ds first fell in love with the computer he would easily spend an hour on Google Earth every day. He was 4 at the time. Prior to that he was on kids' websites. After a few months of intense use, he now rarely touches it. I thought the stuff he was doing was amazing, he really learnt from it, and he certainly grew out of the mania.

Dd is now just getting keen - probably spends half an hour at a time, but getting keener. Am not troubled.

Original poster

nuttyworkingmum · 06/05/2006 03:28

I will try the google earth, he`s not really learning a great deal from shooting aliens If any good websites out there to amaze and thrill em
let me know!! cheers

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anniebear · 06/05/2006 07:55

My DD has discovered the pc to, much to my annoyance!!

I am not used to being pestered by a 4 year old to go on my PC!!!!!

One thing I have done is put a timer next to her and let her have around 30 minutes, she knows when the timer goes of she comes off.

FrannyandZooey · 06/05/2006 08:02

You should look at screen time in total eg total amount of time spent in front of a tv or pc. I know some games can be educational but it is still time sitting looking at images on a screen, and not interacting / playing / being creative / using imagination. It is also a very sedentary activity which is one of the factors involved in childhood obesity.

I think you are right to be concerned. If my child was showing signs of getting 'addicted' as you describe, I think I would consider ditching computer time altogether. I know it would be hard at first, but if you substituted time playing with you or another adult, then your ds would get a lot more from it and probably enjoy it more too :)

CaptainCavemansMummy · 06/05/2006 08:26

Ds (2 on wednesday!!) loves looking at the cbeebies website, especially looking for noo-noo or rabbits hiding on the tellytubbies pages, or parping Brum's horn (?!)
However, only gets 10 mins before bathtime - at all other times the computer is, of course, "broken"!

MamaG · 06/05/2006 08:28

I'm with Franny on this one. My DD has only just, at age 6 1/2, started going on the pc. She's only on it for 1/2 an hour, once or twice a week. I try to encourage her to use her imagination and be more creative in her play.

I would seriously consider NOT letting him on at all for a while, and then only in short bursts.

bloss · 06/05/2006 08:30

Franny!

'not interacting / playing / being creative / using imagination'

I'll give 'not interacting' - but then he's not interacting with people if he spends an hour playing Lego by himself. But in what sense is he not playing, being creative or using imagination??!! You should have heard ds at the bank one day, when a forex noticeboard caught his eye. He identified all the countries by the flag they showed (including South Africa, Canada etc), talked about the cities in the countries and major landmarks... I was proud! :o And it was all down to the computer time. I had hardly shown him any of it.

Oh, and a good site for games is www.abc.net.au/children

Original poster

nuttyworkingmum · 06/05/2006 08:49

cheers everyone its good to hear different experiences, I just have to get dh to go along with this instead of encouraging battle games!!,
I`m going to try the timer idea and if that fails a total ban until emmm that seems a bit harsh.
Oh well with the nice weather on our doorstep I guess waterpistols here we come!! he he!!

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 06/05/2006 10:30

Hiya bloss, I honestly don't think that time spent in front of a screen can possibly be classed as using imagination and being creative in the same way that mucking about in the garden with a stick, or buiding a lego city is.

I do understand that some games and sites can be educational, and it's great that your son was able to take what he had learnt and talk about it with you, but computers and tv are no substitute for playing and chatting with other people. Screen time is passive, sedentary, uncreative activity and it is widely agreed that it should be limited (if not avoided altogether) for young children. I can give you references to studies and suggestions of books to read if you want to know more, but I don't think this is news to most people, is it? I think you may have already made up your mind on this one :)

Pinotmum · 06/05/2006 10:42

Ds is 3.6 yo and gets to use the PC with Daddy or Mummy a few nights a week instead of a bedtime story if that's what he wants. Some nights it's hard to get him off though .

foxinsocks · 06/05/2006 10:47

Mine love the computer but hardly get a look in especially as dh often uses it for work! They'll get to use computers at school so I can't see any harm in them learning how to use the mouse etc. at home.

Instead of giving him half an hour a day, perhaps it would be better to have just one afternoon a week when he knew he was going to get a decent go and then the rest of the week you wouldn't have to worry about it.

Flamesparrow · 06/05/2006 10:53

I think it can definately be imagination and creative - ok, not necessarily a 3 yo, but give an older child a role play game, and see him work out what his character needs, what traits he has, and be able to remember all the different things an elf needs instead of a troll.

i'm amazed at just how much DD (nearly 3) can remember about "Eggs Box" controls - she just liked holding the controller, so DH put on a cute game, and showed her the combination of buttons to change the character into a dragon etc, and she can do it!

Yes, i do think that there should be a balance, but I also think that children can gain a lot from computers - in all areas of development (you can even get exercise with dance mat/eye toy).

cupcakes · 06/05/2006 11:02

I totally agree with Franny. My ds enjoys playing the computer and playstation games but I have had to really limit the amount of time he sepnds on them as I really don't like the behaviour it seems to encourage in him. I found he would become fixed in a game in a completley different way to when watching tv and would be increasingly negative when it was time to turn it off. If he is screaming and hitting you I think it is definitely time to stop. Ds wasn't allowed to play any games for a month or two and now it is only occassionally (at most once a week but more like once a fortnight) and for 30 mins only.
Some games can be educational but a seemingly innocent Bugs Bunny game which involved jumping on the head of Elmer Fudd encouraged very negative behaviour.

23balloons · 06/05/2006 11:38

ds2 also 3 loves playing on the ceebeebies website or the nickjr one. I think it is quite educational and don't have a problem with it. His mouse control is excellent and he can navigate through the games by himself. He doesn't play everyday only now and then.

We have now got a laptop upstairs with pc games suitable for his age range they include learning the alphabet and saying words in spanish with dora etc. His brother also plays with him and is confidently doing the Year 1 disc while in Reception which I think is a good thing.

bloss · 06/05/2006 12:09

'Hiya bloss, I honestly don't think that time spent in front of a screen can possibly be classed as using imagination and being creative in the same way that mucking about in the garden with a stick, or buiding a lego city is.'

No, I would agree that it's generally not as imaginative. But making things up is not the only thing that develops their minds. My ds (in contrast to dd) has never enjoyed role-playing and imaginary worlds etc all that much. But he hungers and thirsts for facts, and is very artistic, musical and expressive. (Dd on the other hand doesn't give two hoots about the real world.) The computer satisfies his appetite for knowledge and facts, and does allow him some satisfying artistic and musical expression. And hell, does everything they do have to be educational? Can't it just be fun?

We can swap studies if we like - one came out last week showing that decrease in activity was NOT a cause in the obesity epidemic. Children are now engaged in more physical activity per week than 10 years ago - but food intake is way up. Anyway, ds went to soccer this morning, swimming lessons at lunchtime, ran around outside collecting firewood in the afternoon... I certainly am not going to grudge him an hour or two on the PC if he wants it. But actually, he hasn't been on the computer for a few months. My point is that, in our case at least, regulation hasn't been necessary. They go bananas for a while, get heaps out of it, and then move on. I'm sure they'll move back to it. But I really find the insistence that everything a child does should be wholesome and educational a bit tiresome. I don't find wholesome and educational enjoyable all the time - I don't see why my children should.

bloss · 06/05/2006 12:10

'I have had to really limit the amount of time he sepnds on them as I really don't like the behaviour it seems to encourage in him' ... and that's a different altogether!

FrannyandZooey · 06/05/2006 12:45

Bloss, I also think the insistence on everything being educational is total crap. Educational came into the discussion because you said you were proud of the things your son had learnt at the computer - the flags and cities.

'Wholesome' is a whole other kettle of fish. If you say you want wholesome activities for your children then you sound smug and pious. But the definition of wholesome is "conducive to sound health or well-being," which of course is what we all want for our children. I don't really mind what my son is doing as long as it is not harmful to his health or well-being - which I feel that long periods of tv and computer use would be.

bloss · 06/05/2006 14:23

Fair enough, Franny. I just think that some things which are not necessarily conducive to their wellbeing can be a hell of a lot of fun. There are plenty of things in their day which would not fit that definition but which I think are a great part of their childhood.

I would want to see good evidence that the activity was harmful (similar to cupcakes' comments - an issue which has not been a problem of any kind for us) before I ruled out something that he enjoyed so much.

FrannyandZooey · 06/05/2006 17:17

Yes it's the difference between 'not actually doing them any good but not harmful', and 'possibly quite bad for them', isn't it? I think we are both in agreement that where no harm is being done, children should be left to get on with more or less what they like :)

bloss · 07/05/2006 01:19

Yes, and you're quite right. The difference is I see no harm at all in what my children do.

FrannyandZooey · 07/05/2006 08:41

Agreed. Debate over

unless you would like to shout a bit, or I could call you names?

flamesparrow · 07/05/2006 11:42

Awww, but I was enjoying it!! lol

Original poster

nuttyworkingmum · 07/05/2006 23:36

Cheers Cupcakes I think you hit the nail on the head!!!smile my ds is only 3 and has shown negative behaviour on the pc due to playing games his older hds has shown him so I guess out goes cartoon netwrk!!

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