What are the social skills of your 3.7 year old like?

[Judyandherdreamofhorses]

DD is 4 in August. She is very able with language, but has always seemed to me to lag behind socially.

I watched her at a new playgroup today (was feeding 7mo DS, not just leaving her to it). She seemed to want to join in with other children playing, but couldn't. A couple of groups were girls that already knew each other (had come with their childminder). They were all 3-4 years old. DD just tried to take what they were playing with, or copy what they were doing, but with no communication really. After each failed attempt, she came to me despondently and said 'they told me off'. In the end, following my suggestion, she approached another girl on her own and asked if she wanted to play dollies. This went quite well, with both of them really playing in a parallel way, but with some talking .

Basically, does this sound like something I need to intervene with, and if so, how?

She does 9 hours at pre-school - she's in a mixed age early years unit. They're happy with her, she loves it, but she is 'immature' (teacher's word) within the group (aged 3-6!).

She talks about her classmates all the time, but in a pretend sort of way (her toys are named after them, for example, or she uses their names in narrative play). She has a couple of same aged 'friends' out of school (DC of my friends, with whom she is just beginning to show an interest really.

she's young still and developing her skills. The desire is there...some DC just need more guidance.

I would role play with her...pretend to play "school" with her...have a snack etc...then say "ooh it's playtime!" and go into the garden...approach her in a 4 year old style.."Want to play tag?" or "Shall we have a race?"

Model the appropriate way to approach other children...and have her do it back.

Avoid teaching her "Can I play with you?" as it leaves them open to knock backs.

instead, teach her specific things such as "Do you want to play princesses?" that usually works well.

did you ask preschool in what way she was immature?

Thanks, they're good ideas.

The preschool comment was following a fracas with a little boy and the comment was about these skills really. The other girls all play quite differently, I think. DD has always been self-contained to an extent (not at home!) and her CM when she was younger said she was never 'one of the crowd'. I don't want to criticise her.

My older DD was very self contained and very able in terms of language.

She's 8 now and has learned to play and join in....but I had a worrying few years where she'd struggled. I invited lots of kids over for tea etc...put her in Brownies and played with her a lot.

DS1 is a lot like this. He's still only 4 and started school in September, he has a really good friend who we first met when he was 10 days old, but I don't think he's very social with most of his other classmates. DS1 is also very able vocally and I think sometimes this is a hindrance not a help, when we used to go to playgroup he'd rather be chatting to the adults than the other children.

Now DS2 is old enough to play (2), I think he's actually starting to show DS1 how it's done a bit, DS2 is definitely more naturally sociable but they do get on really well together.

Thanks. I agree about the good verbal skills being a hindrance. DD will say 'but he can't talk properly' etc about other children. Can't endear her to them much!

Sounds very similar to my DS at that age (except he wasnt as capable verbally!) especially role playing using names of friends and family ... His imagination seemed sky high in one way but very limited in others.

He's now a year older and much better at socializing with other children, very active and will sometimes take the lead in games, sometimes happy to follow others. We've also been told he's quite emotionally immature (academically he's on course) and this shows as his best friend at preschool is 11months younger. I'm not too worried though - your DD sounds well within a "normal" spectrum!

Judy that sounds SO much like my niece! She hated playgroup....well she liked the toys etc but the other children seemed like babies to her she said. She was one of the oldest.\It all balanced out when she got to be about 7 or 8 and the others caught up.

DS is 3.8 and at preschool 5 mornings a week since sept. He knows some of the children's names from his group, sometimes will play along but mainly likes to play alone or watch from a distance. He loves his teachers but still can be quite shy.

He's really chatty at home with us and lots of fun but will hide when visitors come and take a while to come out. Often he'll close his eyes or cover them to 'hide' the offending visitor!