4 year old messing around - how to deal with?

[BertieBotts]

DS is really irritating me at the moment with his messing around and refusal to follow instructions properly. He seems to do it especially when we're in a rush too and I get so frustrated, so I need a strategy here!

An example is: I ask him to get dressed, he refuses to do it himself (he definitely can) and insists I help him, then he jumps on his bed, or dances around in a circle, or lies around in all sorts of unhelpful positions and puts on a silly voice saying "I can't move. I'm too tired." if I try to get him to sit/stand still so I can actually put his clothes on. It takes forever, and I get really irritated and usually end up shouting or saying "Fine, do it yourself then!" which just makes him cry and he still doesn't even do it so I end up helping him 5 minutes later

It's not just getting dressed though, it's anything I'm trying to get him to do, and it's totally random. An instruction he'll follow without question one day is met with raspberries and silliness the next. And he tries to sidetrack me and it often works which is another issue I suppose - how to teach him to focus when I'm not especially focused myself

no idea, but my 3.6 yo DS is EXACTLY the same, and driving me nuts with it.

Snap with my 3.6 year old DD too. I'm happy to be playful sometimes, but there are times when I just need her to do it!

Sorry, no advice. We're having a week of epic tantrums too.

I can so relate to this as my DD does the same. I still do help her to get dressed though. I think my DS (now 9 yr old) was older than 4 when he started to dress himself but I know every child is different.

You are not alone with the shouting though! I ended up shouting at DD the other day.

The only advice I can give is try to make it fun for him, - "if you get dressed now you can have a sticker" or whatever works.
Maybe turn it into a game.

Suggest a trip to the swings then when he gets his coat ready to rush out You loll around saying you want someone to dress you, can't find your shoes etc etc like he does. See how he likes it ....... maybe he'll think twice in future.

Have you got a small child, springdiva? They don't tend to think like that!

I've tried reminding him of all the great things he can do once he's dressed etc, and I've tried witholding the next part of the morning (breakfast or TV or whatever) until he's dressed - if we have time as I wouldn't let him go out without breakfast! - Or saying he can have something extra with his breakfast, like a yoghurt or some fruit or something (high value for him) if he gets dressed quickly, but it doesn't work because he still messes around and is then genuinely surprised and upset that he can't have the extra thing, it's like he thinks he is being quick.

If it's inevitable and they all do it, when do they grow out of it?? I don't particularly mind dressing him (although I'd prefer him to do it himself) if he's going to stand/sit and let me do it, it's when he's dancing around the room or lying holding one leg behind his head or something that I get cross.

Make it a game. Or ask him to be mummys great helper.

DD1 is the same, especially with getting dressed. If we start the whole thing with a "Be a great helper and put your pants on" it usually goes better.

My ds too is just like this and it drives me mad. I'm forever counting to three!
I try not to end up shouting by distracting him - putting his pants on his head etc as I do his socks. That's if I've managed to catch him tho!!

Watching for the answer with interest! My dd aged 4 is just the same and none of my tactics work ( ranging from distraction, rewards for good days to frustrated shouting!)

You've made me feel better in that its not just my dd, or my parenting though!

I started a thread like this recently as getting DS (4.5) ready for school was similar. And lots of kind MNtters helped.

A routine and ignoring him until he does what is required has worked a treat.

In our instance we (DS, DH and I) all get dressed before anyone is "allowed" downstairs during the week.

I will induldge a few mins of chatting, laughing and "bum, bum" chants but I then say to him "The next time I will speak/listen to you, you need to be dressed". And 9/10 it works.

I have also mentioned to him that I will take him to breakfast club/school in his pjs if doesn't get dressed.

We drew a series of pictures to explain the routine.

Importantly it also means that there is time between getting dressed and leaving. So the stress of getting him dressed quickly/for a certain time is removed.

Sounds like you aren't doing the school run yet? Are you able to start the getting dressed routine earlier?

If it makes you feel any better (it won't), my DS2 is nearly 6 and still does this!
He'll grow out of it, right? Right?

My DS1 was the same. He did grow out of it (he's almost 6, takes pride in being dressed by 7am and darts out of the door as soon as he can!).

Routine helped, but I also found he was utterly unmanagable until he'd had breakfast - silly, floppy, totally unfocussed and uncooperative, and any telling-off from us made him cry. So we changed things so for a little instead of a leisurely wake-up, we got everyone straight downstairs for an instant breakfast. With food in his tummy he became so much more reasonable and fun!

I've got three small boys and am now convinced that most awful behaviour coincides with ravenous hunger!

My DS did this when he started school - was being daft and silly and not getting dressed. Threats and shouts would ensue and the morning routine was stressful. Over Christmas I bought a kitchen timer and on Xmas eve I explained he had 10 mins to get dressed and he would get sticker for reward chart and tv. Worked like a dream and an ideal time to start. When he went back to school he only tested the new system once and was distraught when he didn't get his sticker or tv. Sometimes he still acts silly and dances around his room but he soon sorts himself out in time. Also helps that I leave the room but am about to help with his school shirt buttons.

My 4 years old boy is the same . The quick kids app sometimes help or a competition with his brother - he explains it that his brain tells him to do silly things and he can't stop them .

Have you got a small child, springdiva? They don't tend to think like that

Mine found it funny!

All I can suggest is a spanking and I mean a HARD spanking!!

It didn't do my Kaleb any harm

I find sometimes that if I put the timer on the oven for 6 minutes and make it into a challenge they will want to beat the timer - but often the desire to bugger about overrides the desire to beat the timer!

Lol Spring - yes I think DS would too and I don't think it would help :)

It's specifically situations where we're in a rush that I get stressed about it. Normally if there's time to spare I don't mind so much, he does it eventually if I stop engaging and if he's quick he has extra time to watch TV or something. It's when I'm trying to hurry him up! I'm going to set the alarm half an hour early tomorrow so we're not rushing about in the morning.