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DD trouble with friend

7 replies

joe999 · 09/03/2013 20:26

I have a situation with my DD and would appreciate any thoughts on how you would handle it.
My DD is 8(9 in june) and has been best friends with a girl in class since they were in nursery. Over the past year or so DD has mentioned comments from her which have upset DD - things I would just class as school ground tittle tattle and I know my DD can give as good as she gets so I wasnt worried. Some of the issues seem to revolve around new friends coming on the picture. Last week DD was really upset as this child had told her she wasnt invited to her birthday party as she didnt like her and that she'd been forced to invite her to all other parties. My DD has obviously retaliated by telling her she has bcome very selfish since her baby sister was born - which she didnt like and I later got a call from her mum. Though she conveniently forgot to tell her mum the whole story.

How would you normally deal with DD friendship problems - My instinct was that this is normal school ground behavior and if we both had a chat with DD's explaining how words can sometimes hurt peoples feelings that would help. I also explained tomy DD that the reason she wasnt nvited was that she was only allowed to take one friend due to money issues. During the chat with her mum when I told her some of the things her DD had also said and that I thought it was very much both of them she then got defensive. We agreed to chat with DD's and take it from there.

This morning I get a text saying she has had a good chat with her DD and that she was just retaliating - not at all acknowledging that both girls have been a bit mean to each other and both girls had been upset by the situation - No just that it was obviously all my DD fault because her DD would never lie or leave out vital bits of information.

I havent replied - Ive been far too angry!

My plan is to see the headteacher first thing Monday - on the basis that surely if things were all one sided we would have been told there was a problem. I would also like them to monitor the situation.

What do you think??

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Rainbowinthesky · 09/03/2013 20:29

Why on earth are you going to see the head and first thing on a Monday morning? You both need to back off and let the children sort it out. Don't get involved. If the the parent contacts you tell her the same.

Original poster
joe999 · 09/03/2013 20:37

I thought exactly same and said that to her, but she is basically accusing dd of bullying and I want to nip that in the bud.

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Rainbowinthesky · 09/03/2013 20:38

If you have to then see the teacher. It's not something to see a head about.

DuttyWine · 09/03/2013 20:51

My dd is the same age and over her school years has come home with similar fall outs. It often transpires there are 2 sides and my dd doesn't always see her wrongdoing. I think my dd takes a lot of things the wrong way and very personally, partly due to her personality partly due to her age and not understanding social rules etc. there has been times when other girls have said hurtful things and on those occasions I have rang and passed it on to her class teacher. Even if your dd is totally not to blame your first port of call should be the class teacher as she should have more of an insight into what's going on. In future I would also go through the class teacher instead of to the other girls parent as I don't think any good can come out of it! I would encourage your dd to play with lots of other children and not worry to much about a 'best friend' as it can be really lonely if they fall out. My dd is a lot happier now she has got her head round having lots of good friends instead of just one best friend. I would scrap your plan of going to the head and ring and make an appointment after school with the class teacher. I'd txt the other mum and say maybe its best to let the school staff try and resolve it.

MrsMushroom · 09/03/2013 21:00

It's very common. My DD is also a summer born year 4 and she often has mean little spats. one day X is mean, then it's Y and then...it's my DD. I hate this...I encourage her to be kind and constant to her friends. But it's their learning curve..it's them getting to grips with social niceties.

Ignore. Unless exclusion occurrs.

Original poster
joe999 · 09/03/2013 21:27

Thank you for advice, I will try see her teacher. I'm 100% sure dd is not totally innocent she definitely has Gemini tendencies :)

Idea re texting mum is good one thank you

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joe999 · 09/03/2013 21:28

Thanks mrsmushroom I agree,

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