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DD referral to a pediatrician - in the meantime she is driving me mad, DR JEKYLL Mr HYDE at 5????

29 replies

evenafterall · 07/03/2013 23:48

Background DD (nearly 5 now) described as a lovely child a school who is always well behaved and bright. Bit of a loner but seems happy with it. However she is noticeably clumsy there, frequently falling over, tripping etc as well as struggling to hold pencil in the pencil grip. This is so noticeable she is being referred and we've agreed. How does that work, does anyone know / been though this?

Meanwhile, at home she behaves like a little shit most of the time. Has basically a huge issue with accepting authority and will attempt to get me involved in endless arguments about the most tedious things, like ITEM - going to the toilet. She will not go, even though she is at the point of wetting herself she refuses. Chatters incessantly. Is oppositional even to treats - when I offered her TV whilst I fed baby DS she said she didn't want to watch it! Will pull faces and talk gobbelygook, pretend not to hear, get stroppy, tell me not to tell her what to do, get clingy and demand ongoing attention when her brother is crying. This evening DS told her to put pyjamas on, she 20 mins later was still running around her bedroom doing forward rolls and creating chaos; during that time I asked her twice to put her pyjamas on. DH came back in the room and gently chided her. Massive meltdown followed with endless whingeing. He spent an hour explaining to her that she needs to be good and not make us sad. She said she didn't care just wanted to do what she wanted to do and us not tell her what to do and that mummy was naughty for telling her off!!!! BTW she has previously said that she was going to hit me or kick me and her baby brother as a direct reaction to being chided. How can she be so good at school and so annoying at home?

OP posts:
evenafterall · 08/03/2013 15:51

fuckwittery I think you have a really good point! I was feeding baby at the time and hence a loop of chaos opened up I think. DH was tidying something up.

I do occasionally shout or use the threat of shouting. I sometimes feel that it is really sad that she responds only to two things either a threat like : if you don;t stop right now and behave etc you will get told off etc OR bribery If you do this you will get a treat tomorrow etc etc... and
Im not happy about that

Sibling is 5 months old she was much better before sibling was born.

OP posts:
mummytime · 08/03/2013 15:54

I have a Doctorate and am Dyspraxic. Being Dyspraxic or Dyslexic doesn't mean you are not able.

Okay rant over.

You have unrealisitic expectations.

Try a star chart, you give her a star every time she is good, your aim is to give her ten stars a day. If she doesn't get 10 YOU have failed. This is the advice of a friend who is a top paediatric nurse. It helps you start spotting and rewarding good behaviour (any kind of good behaviour, any kind of improvement). Spotting good behaviour improves it, and rewards it. Try to ignore the bad.

swallowedAfly · 08/03/2013 15:59

she's 5 - she's not going to be responding to complex, ethical rationalisations of good and bad. bribes, threats etc are how you teach the foundations of that re: actions have consequences and when you've proved that 26589000000000 times it sinks in and self monitoring begins to bud.

ballstoit · 08/03/2013 19:18

You know, you've ignored anything that doesnt suit you on this thread, and seem determined to blame a 5 year old.

If your child behaves well at school, it would suggest the problem doesnt lay with her.

I'll try one more positive suggestion...to change behaviour, you need to change what comes before or what comes after. Youve said twice that DD behaved badly while you were tied up with DS. I appreciate you have to do things with Ds but could you share the attention with dd. Eg.feed ds and also read to dd or watch her do a puzzlr. Or even let dd feed him.

If you cant change the antecedent (whatd happening before), change the consequence. So dont give her an hours attention for not following instructions, but make it into a game. eg I'll close my eyes and count to 5, can you take your socks off before I open them etc, etc.

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