How to cope with Bullying

[HerNibs1980]

Hi

My 7 year old son is finding it difficult to settle at school. He had the same problem at his old school, was constantly coming home saying no one played with him, and went a full school year without being invited to a single birthday party. We moved home as I needed to be closer to my university and my son had to change schools. I thought this would be good for him, a fresh start so to speak. But the problems are developing at this school as well. After the initial "new boy" interest had worn off, all the boys at his school now reject him constantly and my son ends up spending most play times alone. Every time he strikes up a friendship with a new child, within a couple of weeks the child is rejecting him again and being rude and refusing to play with my son.

I have spoke to the school many times asking for help. As I am at University I rarely do drop off or pick ups so I do not know any of the mums in his class to be able to ask children over to play. The suggested they ring a couple of mums about possible play dates which I was very happy about. That was 3 months ago and every time I remind them I get told they will ring the parents when they get a chance. I'm getting to the end of my tether and can see me going in to the school and starting to get really angry about it as I just feel they arent doing anything. my son has started begging not to go to school as he is so fed up of constantly being on his own and even asked me to Google what to do if you have no friends today. It is breaking my heart. I have organised a big birhtday party for him in August and am going to invite the whole class, but at this rate I am worried no children will show up and will break his heart.

What makes it worse is his younger brother is getting on great and has been invited to 2 birthday parties and I can see the disappointed dejected look on my older sons face everytime he comes home with an invite.

I just dont know what to do, the whole thing is breaking my heart as I can see how hurt he is, and I just dont understand why these kids are being like it with him, as he is such a lovely, lively funny little boy at home. I just dont get it.

Any advise greatly received.

Why don't you put a note in DSs book bag for a specific child he says he likes...the teacher will put it in the childs bag. I've had notes like that and sent them too.

That's not the trouble though. The school needs to be doing more...your DS needs help socially...plenty of kids do.

And they're not giving that help!

My Dd moved to a new school also aged 7 and wasn't joining in. Her teacher told me the other kids were asking her but she would not. The teacher introduced a new game whereby she taught them old fashioned circle games at breaktime...and one child would be the Games Master. That child would have cards with the games on and they were in charge of choosing who was what.

She made DD be the Games Master a lot and it helped her to join in.

The teacher needs to come up with a strategy for your DS...he'll need a different one than my DD.

You say that at first they included him and then stopped. Can you think why? Have you seen DS interacting with other kids much? Is he a sore loser? Perhaps he's playing too roughly or not sticking to rules?

I don't mean to place the blame on him...rather help you to get to the bottom of it all.

Poor DS...also he does sound proactive...asking you to Google, means that he is willing to learn if that IS the trouble.

There are books on Amazon...How to Be a Friend is a good one apparently.

I also suggest that you join him up to Beavers. It's excellent for kids who need some entertainment...very inclusive and arranged in such a way that there is no exclusion.

Also, is there any way you could join the PTA? Ours meet in the evenings...to make it inclusive for working parents. I met a lot of parents at ours and through helping out on fetes and things....

Yes this is the trouble figuring out why they initially make friends with him then reject him. He is a bit of a sore loser, and gets sulky when he doesnt get his own way and can be too rough with his younger brother and sister. I've spoken to him loads about it though and there never seems to be any improvement. It's like he doesnt want to take it on board. He is alot better then he used to be but he still sulks alot when not getting his own way. I dont know what to do to get him out of it though. PTAs would be difficult for me as I would have no one to have my children as I am a single parent with no family what so ever and no friends in the town i live in as only been here a few months. X xx

Is he well behaved in class? Or have they pointed out any issues?

I would suggest sending him to a Martial Arts class...it's very, very good for lively boys and gives a lot of confidence too. Many boys and girls who have struggled with social issues go to my friends classes and they seem to get lots out of it.

not so they can fight...but they learn self discipline and concentration.

Ninjitsu and Karate are good.I would reiterate BEavers for him too so that he can be around good male role models and lots of other boys.

He has been going to Karate for the past year and a half but it doesnt seem to be making any difference. The school has only pointed out him being unfocussed at school and nothing else. Am going in this morning to have it out with them as its not on.

Yes...I hope they sort it out. You need to demand action...something put in place to help him socially. And if he is unfocussed, they need to find out why. Can he see/hear ok d you think?

Yeah he can see and hear fine hun as take him to the opticians regularly. :) I spoke to the school again today and they said they'll really sort it out this time as they thought he was getting on ok. They're even talking about talking to the other kids to find out what the problem is, which I think is a great idea as at least it would give them a chance to address the problem and find out exactly what is happening.