Sad mummy of 3.6 ds

[Raspberrytorte]

Feeling very sad following a few challenging weeks with my D'S and behaviour. He is a bright little boy and can be a real pleasure to have around. He plays well on his own and with DD (5.8). He has always had a real temper and been stubborn but these 2 things seem to have escalated post Xmas. The standard temper tantrums seem to now be accompanied with hitting, kicking, generally the person who has said no etc, screaming and shouting in the persons face. Throwing toys, refusal to move etc. I know some of this just comes with being a 3 yr old but its becoming such hard work and I'm on my own a lot with husband working away. He has always been stubborn but now everything is a power battle, I can't find something that might motivate him, sticker charts, time outs, 1,2,3 method don't seem to have made much of a difference. I'm feeling like such a bad parent. Forced to leave his sports class today as he threw a massive tantrum and started hurting me, other mothers looked on aghast and one actually said 'oh wow what a horrid boy''. Help!

I think this may be an age thing. My DS (3.7) has just started being the same in the last week. It's somewhat wearing; I could do without him crying because....wait for it....I wanted to get some clothes out of my wardrobe! The nerve of mummies who want to get dressed in the morning. If it is the same thing, DS also seems really tired at present.

I would focus on your DD (DS is an only so I don't have this to cope with) and encourage your DS to join in when he can behave, and ignore, ignore, ignore when he can't. Oh, and get both of them out of the house as often as possible. My DS had a huge meltdown in the park yesterday, and refused to walk back to the car, but I think he was calmer as a result of getting out of the house and having a run around.

Oh, and your son is not a horrid boy, he's a confused little boy who doesn't know how to express his feelings. Stupid mother at the Sports Class. Repeat after me "in what way is that a helpful comment?" if she says it again. Cretin.

That is exactly how my son has been and he's the same age, I just came on here looking for advice because he threw such a big tantrum at bath he threw a cup of water at me and I smacked him on the bottom it never helps so I don't tend to use it as a method but I just was so upset angry and hurt that it happened. I honestly don't know what to do and am shattered feel like a terrible mother and failure and am worried for him.

Reassuring to know there are others in this boat

Yes and the same here with DS 3.6. He'll be starting school in September and I'm wondering how I can send a tantrum-prone toddler to big school .

He gets frustrated by a lot of things. Like he'll decide half way through an icecream that it's the wrong type. Or if I give him the wrong colour bowl. Or if he wants to go on the computer and it's not his turn. There's a lot of frustration as the result of trying to compete with older siblings.

He will attack me and generally cry and shout. I try a range of things. I try to ignore him. I praise the children that are behaving appropriately. I take him away from the situation and tell him he can return when he's calm. I try to help him by telling him 'you're cross' so that he can recognise what emotions he's having. I try to teach him that it's not 'wrong' to 'feel cross' but that the resulting behaviour is not ok and I try to help him find different/acceptable ways to express it instead, e.g. pretend to blow out candles, blow bubbles. Have a cuddle etc.

But it's not easy. Sometimes my well thought out strategies don't work and I end up feeling emotional myself....

Thx for all the replies, good to know others are in the same boat and will keep repeating 'it's a phase' x

My ds gets like this - he's 3.5. They have a testosterone surge around 4 - maybe the beginning of that? Mine is a lot worse when tired.

I've been working on him expressing his feelings - so when he's angry, I tell him he's angry and he can now tell me he's angry. I also tell him what to do if he doesn't like something "if you want something, you ask nicely", "if you hit mummy I won't give it to you" etc etc.

Don't underestimate the impact of being tired though - does yours nap? Mine is dropping his but is a demon after 3pm.

Also he does better if he gets a bit of one to one time from me. So if I can read him stories in my lap he seems to be in a better mood for example if I have to go to work.

Also get him out of the house! Fresh air works wonders.

As does the odd chocolate button