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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Her heart belongs to Daddy, dammit

25 replies

motherinferior · 20/01/2004 13:37

After reading the thread about children who don't want anything to do with their dads, I have to ask: am I the ONLY MNer with a dd whose devotion to her father would make Dr Freud clap his little hands in glee? Granted, dp is a splendid and hands-on dad, who gets up more in the night than I do, and has the additional bonus of slight novelty value (he gets home later than I do and isn't around on Fridays when I'm off work). Granted, too, that his undoubted shortcomings (untidiness, an overly liberal hand with chocolate and sugar puffs, a tendency to put CBeebies on all the time) can only be advantages to the three-year-old mind. And dd1 and I do get on splendidly. But the fact remains that I do NOT get the unswerving devotion surely I'm entitled to (I've got an Indian mother! I know how these things should work!). It's Daddydaddydaddy who really is the ongoing poster boy for my child (who even referred to herself as 'daddy's little girl' the other day).The last straw was when I gave her some flowers to carry the other day and she said lovingly 'these are for my daddy' - I BOUGHT THOSE, KID, THEY'RE MINE!!!

In case you were wondering, it's always been like this. And quite feasibly her devotion to the non-lactating parent has encouraged the bond between her and dd2 (they're very sweet together) because she's not been driven insane with jealousy for the breastfeeding baby. But it does, very occasionally worry me. And it piques me more of the time!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

katierocket · 20/01/2004 13:42

ROFL about the flowers.

to answer the question - yes - DS (2yrs) is very much a daddys boy and always has been.

Last night before bedtime he said "I don't want you mummy, I want daddyo" (his nickname for DP for some reason)

Oh the temptation to say "fine, well, tell you what, I'll nip down the pub for a pint and your darling daddyo can sort you out. 72 hours, 72 hours of screaming agony I enjured to bring you into this world sonny so I am owed big time on the affection stakes."

Water off a ducks back

CountessDracula · 20/01/2004 13:43

MI my dd is 16 months and is already a total daddy's girl! Every time the phone rings, doorbell goes, she shouts DADA DADA and runs around looking for him! He is a soppy git with her it has to be said, so I'm not surprised.

fio2 · 20/01/2004 13:46

my dd is a complete daddys girl too, there is no hope for her

gingernut · 20/01/2004 13:48

Ditto. I am at best totally ignored when Daddy is around and sometimes actively rejected (ds is 2). This has its advantages - it means I can get on with other things at weekends (e.g. being on mumsnet ).

aloha · 20/01/2004 14:17

My ds loves me best. He says he won't be a daddy when he grows up, he'll be a mummy (er, yes, I know...)
Dh sometimes gets upset about it too. So no help there!

Browbeaten · 20/01/2004 14:20

My dd (also 3) is going to "marry her daddy". If he leaves the room she asks "where are you going" in a pitiful voice. If she wakes up and he is not there in the mornings (he goes out at 6.30) she crys "I miss my daddy" - it is pathetic and I try not to laugh out loud at this. It is also lovely that she loves him so much and he is a fun daddy who does silly dances and voices for her. Ds was a pure mummy's boy but now he is almost 16 mths it it changing and he has been going around the house shouting Dada for the last 2 days as DH had the whole weekend off for once and the kids really enjoyed it. Kids are so funny aren't they

kaz33 · 20/01/2004 14:25

Ds1 (2.5) is a daddys boy - "I don't want mummy, I want daddy - mummy no read a book, daddy read a book, daddy... daddy.... "

Got to admire his powers of communication.

Daddy gives him nearly everything he wants, turns Cbeebies on all the time, has a huge range of "childish" games, rolling around on the floor, allows DS1 to play with any piece of electronic equipment.

I read somewhere that children who had a good relationship with their dads were less likely to resent there youngest sibling. With us it appears to have worked with DS1 mostly ok with DS2 - except now that he is crawling and wants to play with all his toys, pull his hair etc...

Original poster

motherinferior · 20/01/2004 14:52

This is all very reassuring.

I forgot to mention the point a while ago when her devotion was such poor Daddydaddydaddy couldn't even take a shower in peace. She insisted on following him into the bathroom and watching in besotted awe, reminding me irresistably of David Attenborough confronting a particularly impressive gorilla.

(And dp is quite a shy sort of a bloke)

OP posts:

Hulababy · 20/01/2004 15:04

My 21mo DD is a real daddy's girl too and adores being with him whenever he is at home. I work pt so am with her much more but as soon as daddy gets home it is all him.

Issymum · 20/01/2004 15:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request

sis · 20/01/2004 16:17

ds is five and has been a daddy's boy for yonks now - I am used to it and it doesn't usually upset me but sometimes, it would be nice to be number one!

linzoid · 20/01/2004 17:57

both ds definatlty prefer daddy. It gets me down actually as they are always actively rejecting me e.g at the weekends dh lays in bed showing no sign of budging (which really narks me) and eventually after much prodding, arguing and whinging from the boys i go to get up and hey ho i am met with tears and anger...we don't want you, we want daddy!

bobthebaby · 20/01/2004 18:01

My ds says "daddydaddydaddydaddydaddydaddy" for about about half an hour after dh gets home. But when he hurts himself, wakes in the night or has a pain the plaintive cry of "mammmmmma" goes up and my dh smiles and says "oh, he wants you." Yeah, nice try sunshine.

katierocket · 20/01/2004 20:04

issymum -

Bozza · 21/01/2004 09:21

Issymum thats the same as with DS - who will be 3 next month. He was always a mummy's boy but has now switched allegiance to daddy. Since we are expecting a baby in May this is quite convenient for us. This has happened since Christmas. At first I put it down to the fact that he had spent so much more time wth DS than normal. But we have also noticed that he has become a "grandad's boy" too when with grandparents so maybe its a male identity thing in his case.

Blackduck · 21/01/2004 10:16

Biggest smiles are saved for DP...I'm definate second best....! But this may have something to do with DP leaping up and down and waving his arms around in front of the entire nursey staff, much to ds's amusement....!
My sil says they change and just make the most of it when you are not the One - you can get stuff done!

GenT · 21/01/2004 12:55

My dear DH says he is Flavour of the Month even after being told off from a temper tantrum. That I think can't be bad. Normally the child would go to the other parent but dd still sticks with him.

I am happy for this since when she was younger he felt like a failure if she didn't adapt to him, or he couldn't calm her down but others could. It gives me a break as well, free up these octopus arms to do something else if dd is fascinated with dh.

In the end, mum still rules and she always comes to mum anytime, which doesn't always happen with dh. So, let him enjoy being flavour of the month and months to come.

gingernut · 21/01/2004 13:18

Bozza - it is definitely a `male' thing with my ds. Both Grandads are preferred over his Grandmas, despite the fact that the latter take far more interest in him. He also favours his little pals' Daddies over their Mummies. It is quite marked.

scoobysnax · 21/01/2004 13:40

DD aged 4 adores her dad (although he has less patience and takes less trouble than me) and is entranced and hugely impressed by men in general. This has been the same from birth. Surely it is genetic???

Tallgirl · 27/01/2004 09:30

Can relate to all the messages on here as when just me and DS (2) he is fine and affectionate but when DH around - he just wants him all the time and not just that but actually rejects me. I will sometimes go into his room in the morning and he says 'mummy out the room' and other such incidences. If he falls over he always wants DH and it is starting really to upset me. I dont want this to be the pattern for the rest of his life - cant remember how long it has been going on but seems to be getting worse and not sure whether or not our behaviour is helping? I could be accused of taking this too seriously but I do find this upsetting and feel sorry for DH as well who doesnt get a break from it at the weekends. I am also not allowed to sing in front of DS but DH is!!

Tallgirl · 27/01/2004 15:08

Anyone with any advice out there or who feels the same??

Thanks

Evita · 27/01/2004 20:56

Tallgirl, my daughter's too young yet to be that severe about her parental preferences! But it may come ... When did your DS start wanting his dad so much? I wondered because my dd seems to flit between us a bit more now than a month or so ago.

Anyway what I did want to say was that I remember as a child my brother and I were mad on our dad and my poor mom really got shoved away. I remember vaguely doing all those things you mention or things like them like refusing to let our mom bath us and screaming for our dad. BUT it did all change round really drastically as we got a bit older.

Do you think there's something particular about boys and their dads?

podgegl20 · 27/01/2004 21:14

Tallgirl, I am in exactly the same situation as you, including the singing!! Ds1 was a total mummy's boy until i was pregnant with ds2.Now when DH is at home DS1 can't bear to be parted from him. We decided we needed to try to let ds2 have some of daddy's time too, so we make sure we take turns getting them out the bath and going out with each of them. Mind you ds1 definately prefers to be with daddy at the moment. It does sometimes upset me but i suppose i'm just glad they have got such a close bond.

Metrobaby · 27/01/2004 22:00

I can also relate to this. My dd absoultely adores her daddy. When he's on the scene I ma as well as not be there. She says "daddy and her are best friends together". It does sometimes irriate me but I now use it to my maximum advantage - I get to talk to friends when they come over, or to do other things around the home, and he tends to get for her at night etc. I have to admit dh tends to get much more involved with all her games than I do so maybe she prefers him as a playmate. However, after a while when he needs a break from it and wants time to go off and do something else, I step in then. Or if I feel like I am missing out I send DH off on an errand. DD seems to like this changeover between us. I do think its nice though that dd has such a close relationship with her daddy, and I think its great that dh takes such a genuine interest in her. He's much more into her now she's older plus I reckon it'll come in handy when no2 arrives. However, all that said, when dd was sick today - the person she wanted was me

Tallgirl · 28/01/2004 09:07

Thanks for your replies and for accentuating the positive aspects - of course it is great that DH and DS have a great relationship and he is a hands on Dad. Was feeling a bit down yesterday as had a slightly stressful morning getting out of the house. He also fell over and although i picked him up was screaming for DH! Was better this morning although DS still wouldnt let me get him out of the cot! But was better later and even made me a (pretend) cup of tea from his little tea set. Cant remember when this started -probably a few weeks ago now? Cant think of any reason why but will just have to get on with it and cherish the times when we are alone.

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