19mth old Son screaming tantrums! What would you do?

[airhostess]

Hello!
My Son is 19mths old and is usually very easily pleased but strong willed! A spirited child is probably the best description. Last weekend he got got a second stomach upset and is still not 100% so I'm trying to take this into account. He's started screaming as loud as possible and hitting furniture or us in what seems to be frustration,when he can't have his own way. He has a very good social life, does classes, goes to the park and plenty of attention. Today has been emotional to say the least. I've put him in his cot for two minutes after a verbal warning if he screams again he will go to his room. Naturally he screamed in there but very sheepish when brought downstairs. What would you do? I appreciate he's young.
Thanks in advance.

I'm not sure that at 19mths I would be putting him in time out like that. I also worry about putting children in their bed as a sanction - bed should be a nice place to be.

I would simply not allow the screaming to have any effect on my decision and work on distraction instead.

If you stick with that he will get the idea that there's no point in screaming and give up.

Just try to ignore it, distract him wherever possible (eg I have used such lying tactics as "ooh look there's a dog! ... Oh sorry darling it must have gone) or try to joke him out of it. Or even just sit there and say "when you're ready mummy will read a story / get you some milk / whatever". It's not easy and I have got very exasperated with DD on quite a few occasions but the less fuss made usually the quicker it blows over. It's worth trying to remind yourself that he's very little and is not being deliberately naughty. Good luck!

watching with interest....

I could have wrote your post Airhostess I have a DD 19 months (next week) and she is the same as your ds. Do you get the stamping of the feet too?! I get that, and the dropping to the floor and flipping backwards on the floor (sometimes banging her head if I don't catch her in time!)

Here is first

Ignoring is extremely hard isn't it?

DD made me cry on Tuesday and this week has tested me to the limits. I got scared when I heard my voice the other day, I sounded like my mother

I have been trying distraction. But to my DD she sees right through it. Once she has something in her head that she wants/seen/has to do, it's full tears and screams. A simple walk to the local lake the other day resulted in her crying half way round because she said no to 1) walking, 2) buggy, 3) sling, or 4) carry. I was on my knees negotiating with her when a lovely couple came past and coxed her to follow their doggy (god bless those lovely people!)

Repeating 'this too shall pass'

I just wanted to add that you need to ignore the tantrum, not the child.

All you need to avoid is reinforcing the behaviour by rewarding it. Therefore if a child is screaming because you said no to a biscuit you can still offer a toy, give him a cuddle, etc. What you don't do is change your mind and negotiate on the biscuit.

Fadbook I walked to the postbox with a toddler today who felt the same as your DD. He either needed to hold my hand, have me hold the reins or be carried. He threw himself on the ground every few feet, waited for a reaction, got up and walked a few steps holding hands, asked to be picked up, got down, threw himself on the ground again,......

We eventually made it to the postbox and back while doing one of those things for every step. We will keep doing it every time we go out until he realises that throwing the tantrum doesn't mean he can run around freely next to the road. We will get there but I will only try to get him to walk when we have time to stop every few paces all the way there and back.

It is hard but you are right. It will pass

Goldmantra - sorry you are going through it too but it is nice to know it isn't just my dd. I like what you have said there about ignoring the tantrum not the child That is important isn't it? As I don't want DD to think I'm being mean etc but at the same time, I'm not accepting or pandering to her every single demand.

I'm out and about all of the time and I don't see other toddlers doing the same!! They're all being good apart from mine!

I def agree with the reins, I have scooped her up before now when she's refused to hold hand (no, no no are favourite responses at the minute) or be carried, or have backpack rein thingy on. You just can't risk them running out on the road.

I'm interested to hear how you all deal with giving all of your attention? I've found DD will be playing lovely on her own whilst I'm in the room and then the minute I want to do something (laptop, phone, cooking) she wants my 110% attention, which I then can't give her. Is it a case of saying no, wait until I've done x, y, z or do you give in?

Fadbook - don't give in to the attention seeking ...just say no not until I've ....in my experience anyway - I did for DD1 but not DD2 - DD2 is much better at entertaining herself than DD1...
As to tantrums
Distraction works if you catch them early enough (and it can be ludicrous - I have seen elephants in the supermarket) ... and the waiting till it passes
But also (even though they are very young) you can just tell them - not whilst they having a tantrum but after ... if you cry/scream I can't let you get what you want because then you will learn if you scream and cry you will get what you want - you have more chance of getting what you want by not having a tantrum' .... this has worked with DD2 - very very few tantrums - did go through a stage of hitting herself on the head/pulling her hair - just said doesn't that hurt? You know I definitely can't let you get what you want if you hurt yourself...
Also learn to pick your battles - as someone pointed out to me - if you never compromise/give in a bit -it is showing them that is the way to behave...
Also reward when they do show restraint. Only eg that springs to mind is from when she was a bit older - DD2 wanted 3 types of a toy - I said she could only have two...because she accepted this and choose two I got her all three - and said you get all three because you didn't make a fuss about only getting two...
Having said all that I had absolute nightmare with DD1 - I got asked to leave a shop once because she was lying on the floor screaming (by that stage I knew that it would be over in a minute or so and anything I did until she calmed down a bit would just make it worse) - as I was leaving another assistant was nice to me, and was horrified that I had been asked to leave (we have all been there!) - at which point I burst into tears! ....
And I loved the 'old dears' in shops - even if they are building up to a massive blow out somehow someone else talking to them can stop it completely ....
(But - always remember it will pass....and now DD1 is almost a teenager and tells me I am embarrassing - I tell her she embarrassed me when she was a toddler - this is my revenge )

My dd is 22 months old and has horrendous tantrums. I agree about not putting your ds in his bedroom as a timeout. It had crossed my mind but my dd is good at night so I don't want her to see bed as a punishment.

I try singing, books, looking out of window etc. She usually goes into a blind rage and I can't do anything to console her, so I leave her to it and carry on as normal. Then when she starts to calm down, I try to distract her.

It's so hard, dd is my 4th and I had forgotten how hard this age is. It's just frustration and will pass!