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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Sitting here in tears cannot cope with them all anymore

17 replies

sweetkitty · 28/02/2013 20:19

Been feeling really really down recently. I have four DCs, DD1 (8), DD2 (7), DD3 (4) and DS (2) there's only DP and I, no family support.

Tonight DP is away on business, I took DD3 and DS to toddlers in the afternoon, then collected DD2 at 3pm, did her homework with DD3 & DS fighting, picked DD1 up at 4pm (she had an after school club), did her homework then straight into a quick dinner. Then baths, bathed the little 2 and left DD1 in the bath as usual, went back to wash her hair and the bathroom is covered in water including the ceiling and all the walls, she's been told off about it before. Told her off and said she could go to bed with the little two at 8pm (usually 8.30pm), I had asked DD2 to tidy her room before her bath, it was just cuddly toys, 5mins tops, she hadn't done it so old her she could do it after her bath. After her bath d her to go tidy it, came downstairs and she's on the of with DD3, told her to go tidy it and she starts moaning, gave her 10 mins, go back in not tidy so I told her don't worry I'll tidy it for her and she can have an early too. She's starts screaming at the top of her voice, I tidy he room and tell her to go to her room and calm down, cue 30 mins of screaming, banging and throwing teddies about.

Meanwhile DD3 and DS are fighting again so get them up to bed all with DD3 screaming in the background.

All I feel like I do is run around mad after them, spend quality time and money on them. They now all have their own rooms but their behaviours is shocking.

Ok rant over I'm feeling fragile so be gentle

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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JandT · 28/02/2013 20:24

From what you say, they were all being monkeys, you told them all fairly what would happen and they're all still alive when your DP is out so I think you're doing alright!

My DC always behave worse when DH is out (not during the day, just in the evening when he should be home) and I feel the quick dinner and to bed option (not always with a bath) is always the best....

Original poster

sweetkitty · 28/02/2013 20:28

Thank you

It's the constant fighting from the minute they are out of bed, mostly DS being a 2 year old boy throwing things, hitting, pulling hair, DD3 screaming, DD2 winding them both up, DD1 to be fair usually is well behaved but even she has her moments.

OP posts:

JandT · 28/02/2013 20:38

I would put in strong 'winding up' rules and stick to them (but I'm a mean Mummy!).

I have DS1 (12 years), DS2 (2.5 years) and DS 3 (9 months) and we struggle as DS2 knows things are his and is starting to be possessive but likes taking DS3's toys too. The rule is; if you take his toy you go on the naughty step (I ask him to give it back and if he doesn't I go). However, it has now become clear that DS1 sometimes does this to DS2 so he has been warned that the rule fits all and he will be going on it if he takes something.

I'm very lucky as all boys are very calm (I cleverly married a calm man without realising how useful it was!) but I know girls are worse. I think time out/naughty step whatever you can use always helps but only if you get in soon enough...

Oh and anything violent is an automatic naughty step as being 'nasty' and is followed by DS saying sorry to the victim and giving them a cuddle.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 28/02/2013 20:40

Don't worry, I have been there.
DCs are now 13, nearly 11, 8.5 and 8.5 and it does get easier.
Try to be a bit easier on yourself.

MrsDonnieDarko · 28/02/2013 20:43

I couldn't read and not reply. I only have 2 DS's but some days when DS2 is being particularly whingy (most days ) and DS1 is arguing and doing hist best to wind his brother up I feel so torn between them. I always feel like I spend my whole life walking a tight rope of pleasing them both. I think everyone must have days like this where the kids for whatever reason are just playing up non stop. It seems most days here at the moment. It's not so much DS1, usually DS2 who's endless crying and whinging is unbearable so the slightest upset with DS1 age 5 is enough to make it all feel too much for me to cope with which isn't fair on either or them especially as DS1 being 5 is entitled to silly behaviour at his age but I can't stand it because I am so frazzled by DS2 :-(

I could have written your post about them having quality time and nice things bought for them, their own bedrooms, etc etc yet it never seems enough to keep them happy. I am run ragged by the end of the day and just want to collapse in to a heap and cry.

Sorry, not much advice. Just a lot of sympathy. Know that you are doing an amazing job to be doing as well as you are. I am struggling and I have half as many kids as you! It will get better. DP will be back. The kids get older and grow up every day and one day we will look back and miss these times.....apparently!

MrsMushroom · 28/02/2013 20:46

I feel for you as I have 2 DDs who fight too! With 4 it must be crazy.

Do you get enough sleep? I find that when I am knackered I deal with them less effectively...I can't think clearly enough to deliver discipline.

Today, I was less tired and found bedtime much "neater" because I was able to foresee trouble before it arrived...and be on their cases more as they got ready.

Are you sleeping ok? Going to bed early enough? Eating well?

daffsarecomingup · 28/02/2013 20:49

sorry to hear that you've had such a rubbish day. sending you a xx

AppleCrumples · 28/02/2013 20:56

Can't offer any answers but just wanted to send you and

I coukd have written your post! I have 4 ds1 (9) ds2(7) dd1(4) and dd2(8 weeks) the figjting and winding each other up drives me mad. Just wanted to send some suppprt x

Original poster

sweetkitty · 28/02/2013 21:04

Thank you all sometimes it's good jut to have a moan and know you are not alone.

Run ragged is exactly how I feel, I don't want to get up in the mornings as I know when I do I won't sit down again and if I do DS will clamber all over me, come 9.30 or so when I do sit down I can barely speak.

I've been trying to get to bed earlier this week but have been getting wakened a lot by the DCs coming in, DP does do his share. Eating wise it's been all over the place, ate terrible yesterday bit better today, I have no interest in food only eat to stop me feeling hungry, half the time a chocolate bar on the run. My house feels dirty, I never have time to clean it, feel like I hardly spend any quality time with the DCs or DP as I'm always doing stuff.

OP posts:

TreadOnTheCracks · 28/02/2013 21:05

I have two and they drive me mad with fighting all the time. I'm trying to praise them lots when they are not fighting.

MrsMushroom · 28/02/2013 21:10

Can you get DS4 into a nursery for a couple of hours one day a week?

I feel a bit like this...I work from home and sometimes, I just sit and stare because I'm too knackered. The house is a tip...the DC didn't clean their teeth tonight but I'm so happy they went to bed that I didn't want to rock the boat by going in again!

Jessepinkman · 28/02/2013 21:16

Give yourself a break. Your children sound normal to me. You are not doing anything wrong.

Be kind to yourself, and to your dcs, you will come out of this and probably not remember it in a few years.

Chinateacup · 28/02/2013 21:16

What a tough day. Here
And hugs. Hang in there. Tomorrow will be better.

Original poster

sweetkitty · 28/02/2013 22:05

Finally sat down well lay down in bed, am so exhausted then had a sob at Child of our Time because I feel so guilty I have four beautiful, healthy children so should just be happy.

Tomorrow will not be better it will be more of the same, don't want to sleep as I know I'll have to get up and deal with them all again.

OP posts:

fossil971 · 28/02/2013 22:20

I can hardly cope with my two so well done to you for even getting this far. Mine (boys) fight and mess about almost constantly. How does anybody cope with four?

I just wanted to say that it sounds normal behaviour for lively children whose Dad is away and they are trying it on a bit. Parenting is knackering even with lovely healthy beautiful children.

Can you get the little one into nursery for a bit of a break? Do you ever get out on your own in the evening or at weekends, even just for a keep fit class or drink with a friend, to save your sanity? (And if your DP doesn't want to look after them all on his own - then he has no business expecting you to do it!!!) If he's capable and helpful - go for it

When the DS's were little I went out once a month to meet friends of an evening and I almost cried with relief when I got into the car, alone, and the burden of just being bloody responsible was lifted for a few hours.

Chinateacup · 01/03/2013 14:55

Better day OP?

RIZZ0 · 01/03/2013 17:48

Sounds like you're keeping it together pretty well with a lot on your plate. Chin up.

One idea, is 8pm quite late to start with the littlest to go to bed? Realistically mine did the same but I was always aiming for 7!

Recently when I've complained to a friend who has three children and another in the oven that I lose my energy in the evening and can't cope with them running rings around me, she suggested I aim for at least half an hour earlier than usual at bedtime. It is working a bit better for me. I get more of an evening, go to bed earlier myself, feel more able to cope the next day etc...

Hers are 6, 3 and smallest is two. She starts bedtime at 6.30pm.
She reads them all a story in middle one's room, then oldest goes and get teeth done and gets reading book ready from school while she puts littlest in his bed. She then reads with the oldest and reckons bedtime takes half an hour. She is very firm and organised though!

Anyway, just thought I'd mention it as she helped me when I was struggling and I only have two. Maybe an early start to bedtime might help? Good luck anyway.

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