PLEASE HELP! BEHAVIOUR PROBLEM WITH MY SON'S BEST FRIEND

[KeepCoolCalmAndCollected]

Nearly every day my son's best friend comes over after school to play (usually has tea here as well).

My son is 6 and he is 7 (14 months difference). They play very nicely together and get on very very well. At 5 o'clock he is on strict instructions by his mother to go to his elderly aunties house which is 50 yards down the lane where his mother picks him up after work (this suits me because of reading & very early bedtime etc for my little boy).

All great so far, EXCEPT when I tell him it's time to go, he has a VERY SERIOUS MELTDOWN. He shouts at the top of his voice, slams doors, runs off in an extreme temper - it's almost violent (without anything physical iyswim).

What would you do?

What would you say to him?

What would you say to his mother (without offending her - she is really nice)?

Don't get the impression that I am a pushover - honestly I am far from it, but I am at a real loss here and he's only 7!!!!

Please give me some advice - thank you in advance.

Don't wait until he has to go to say something.
As soon as he arrives have a chat and say 'Ok - we are going to do such and such.. but at 5 pm you have to go to your aunties so I will tell you 10 minutes before its time to go so I expect you to be good and get ready without a fuss because its not ok for him to act like that in your house!'

I would also have a word with his Mum and ask her why he seems upset to go to the Aunties?? Why would that offend her? She should be concerned if he is getting upset by it.

I agree with Davsmum, preempt it by talking to him as soon as he arrives and let him know in no incertain terms that it isn't acceptable. I definatly think you need to speak to his mum about it too.

Is it possible he does not like the walk alone?

Thanks for your advice Davsum!

I do give him time warnings as you say, so that it's not all sudden.

With regard to his aunties, I don't think there's a problem there apart from it's boring for him. He does get shoved around quite a bit with different relatives because his mother works alot and sometimes has to work weekends.

I think the problem (without meaning to sound arogant) is that he absolutely loves it here - great games, lots & lots of toys, big trampoline, space etc etc. I think he sees it as being the grass is much greener over here. But paradoxically, I am beginning to dread him coming over now. Bit of a catch 22!

Sounds like he has a lovely time at yours, don't worry about being very firm with him about how you expect him to behave he will still want to come back! Just let him know that if he carries on that he won't be able to come back anymore

MrsMushroom - We always see him in through the back gate or in through the front door, so I know he is hasn't wondered off somewhere.

Catsdontcare - Have done, but he clearly does not take me seriously at all. Yes, think his mother needs to know now. Perhaps I am a coward, because I really don't want to worry her.

I would ask in a non stressed way...."x keeps acting like he doesn't want to go to his Aunties..he gets VERY upset when I say it's time...what shall I do next time?"

Or...could his Auntie call for him instead so she sees the meltdown? Maybe one day you could call her and say you've hurt your ankle or some such...

He's old enough to understand 'if you continue behaving like that when its time to leave you'll have to stop coming altogether'. Get his mum on side with this and carry it through if necessary. Then allow him to come the next night - but have that conversation with him as he arrives.

Catsdontcare could be right - He may not like having to leave your house where he is having fun but even so - his behaviour IS unacceptable.
You are doing his Mum a favour so its not really you who should be worrying or dealing with it. His Mum has to know there is a problem and perhaps the two of you could work together to resolve it.

Thanks to all of you for your sound advice.

Arrived home from school and he came running down the lane to meet us with a huge smile on his face - yesterday completely forgotten about.

I spoke to him VERY firmly and told him that yesterday's behaviour was very rude and totally unacceptable, and that he wouldn't be allowed to come around if it happened again. He looked very upset and embarrassed, so we shall see. Tbh I don't hold much hope because he really does have a vile temper - not a nice term to use, but an accurate one.

Anyway so far, so good, but it's not 5 o'clock yet and I shall update later.

Well thanks ladies it all went very well (for once!).

When I told him to get ready (after a couple of earlier kind warnings), I said remember what we talked about earlier. He said "yes, I just get very upset" and sadly he did look very upset when telling me this. However, credit to him he held it all together and behaved absolutely brilliantly. When we said good bye, I said how great he'd been in a very cheerful positive way and that we would see him tomorrow.

Thanks to everyone again - just long may it continue!!!!!!

That's good news I would follow it up with a gentle reminder tomorrow about how well he behaved and that is how you'd like him to continue. Acknowledge that you know he feels upset about leaving and let him know you enjoy having him over.

I would tell his mum and yes I think a big problem is that it's so boring at auntie's. It might only be a small effort by her to make it funner, promise of tv or biscuits, etc.