Ok all you godless people, help me answer the death question..!

[FSB]

My DD (3.5yo) has recently mentioned death or being dead once or twice. Thankfully, we haven't experienced bereavement first hand since she was born, so we haven't had to go there. But I was wondering what those who don't have heaven to fall back on explain what happens when someone or something dies.

Thanks for your help :)

I'm personally religious, but you could just say that they live on in the hearts and memories of those who loved them?

I have told my 4yo that when someone dies we never see them again but we can still think of them all the time and remem er them. Though its all really gone over her head as we havent had any bereavement either.

Sadly,this my change very soon as her dads (my ex) GM is very poorly in hospital. So this is going through my head now. Trying to work out how to approach itwith her because I know he wont.

We just had DH's stepmum die very unexpectedly and had to tell his two children... His approach was to be quite honest with them, he told them she had died, that she looked very peaceful and that her pain was over so that was good. He told them that it was okay to feel sad that she wasn't going to be around anymore, but that it was also okay to get on with our lives and have fun because she would have wanted them to keep being happy.

Both of them took it really, really well - neither of them asked what happens to a person after they die, but we agreed that we'd say that the person stays alive in our hearts and our memories for as long as we remember them.

I did consider breaking into a rendition of 'The Circle Of Life' to ease the tension... Perhaps not

I told ds that you stop working. He accepted that - he is 3.5.

Thanks, I like the idea of adding the bit about living on in the hearts and memories of those who love them...

I talked a lot about heaven as DS was scared of what was going to happen to HIM when he died. I wish I had not now as I have had numerous conversations about the mechanics of it all etc. Someone on here said that they told their child "Can you remember before you were born? Well being dead is like that, nothing to be afraid of"

I'm a Macmillan nurse so deal with lots of families who are preparing children for bereavement.
I think the general consensus from the experts in childhood bereavement is to be honest. To say that sometimes our hearts stop working when we are very old or when we are very ill. I've recently lost a grandad and my nephew who is six asked about coming to the funeral etc. my sister and mums response was to say no and that he was too young and try and shelter him from any death talk. However he just felt left out and more confused by it all. I asked him why he wanted to go and he said 'to think about grampy' . I reassured my mum and sister that actually its ok for kids to feel sad about death and feel sad that someone has died but its not ok for them to be frightened by it and by not explaining it properly, you make them very confused.
He came to the funeral in the end and was fine. Children are very resilient and death is a normal part of life. Be as truthful as you can and allow them to answer questions. I like the thing about not remembering before we were born too.
Winstons wish and cruise all have info about talking to kids about death if you wanted to read more.

We lost my Mum when DS1 was 3.5 and DS2 is now 3.5.
As we don't believe in God or an afterlife we tried to explain it as honestly as we could. Both boys have accepted that when you are dead you are gone. That's it. They have been to my Mum's grave, but they asked less questions about that part.
I guess you need to tell your DD what you believe happens when people die. I have also told my boys about what other people (Christians, Buddhists etc.) believe and they are very interested in that too.