Ds starting reception, young for year and fine motor poor?

[Whatsdoneisdoneisdone]

Ds is due to start school in reception. He is my only child and I suppose like most parents I have some concerns which may or may not come to anything. He will only just be four when he starts and so my first concern is how tired he will be. I find tiredness affects him massively, he becomes either hyper and manic or upset and cross. He doesn't actually appear tired to the untrained eye!

Secondly his fine motor isn't great. He struggles with getting dressed / using scissors / writing. I'm most concerned about the dressing, he does try but he just can't. We are practicing and I'm hoping by September he will be able to do it, at the moment were still struggling with getting a coat on and zipped. he is left handed which I don't think helps with some things.

Socially he is better with older children generally and be finds large unstructured environments too much. He withdraws or again becomes manic. I have occasionally wondered if he is at the high functioning end of the autistic spectrum. Similarly we have issues with textures and foods (very fussy eater, think he will have to be sandwiches with about two variations on what he takes!) what he eats his healthy,there just isnt much scope. He likes boundaries, structure and have clear rules. He hasn't coped brilliantly at nursery although is better now he knows their expectations. Initially he was worried about doing the wrong thing all the time. He hasn't really made any friends at nursery. He plays with the other children apparently but hasn't made any specific friends. Heis quite sensitive and easily upset.

Academically I think he will be ok, he can count, do simple addition and subtraction using objects or a number line, knows letter sounds and names, starting to read simple words and can write his name. He picks things up fairly quickly.

It is more the social and independence side which concern me. I can't bear the thought of him being distressed and know from my own experience that if he becomes frustrated he just gives up. Which may bea maturity thing, I'm not sure.

I dont know whether to see of school would allow him part time for the first term at least or whether to flexi school, or even home school for reception. I'm not sure that missing the entire year will help him though, but on the other hand I think that if he is pushed in too soon he will struggle.

Any thoughts? I can't tell if I'm being precious only born about it or if there is an issue.

My older DD was similar....she began aged JUST 4 and was the youngest, extremely shy...she is still shy and quiet but at age 8 is now far more confident.

I have another DD...she's in reception and still can't really do her coat up or undo it and she's almost 5.

She's fine with cutting out etc and some DC just take longer about this type of thing.

DD aged 4 is also fussy about food...lots of DC are.

How come he's only just going? What country are you in? Don't they all begin in september in the uk?

Sorry yes...I meant to say September in reception. Six months time.

Hi mine was the youngest as well she is an end of August baby. Don't worry about coat zip etc you know in reception teachers do help them. I was in the same situation with mine I was so worry about how she will cope so young but amazingly she has and is in year 1 now. Young children receive lots of help whenever needed and they know how to deal with children and you won't find 2 children acting the same way.

Nursery have made a massive thing about him not being able to do his coat. Last week they told him he was the only one in the nursery preschool group that couldn't to it and he'd have to go back to the baby room if he didn't learn.
I'm not too impressed about this, however it has made me concerned that school will have a similar attitude.

If I had posted at this time last year, I would have said very similar things about DD1, right down to thinking she had Asbergers. It turns out she is fine. Reception has a lot more structure than nursery, and that really suits her.

Six months is a long time when you are only 3.5.

That is a very poor attitude from the nursery

I'd estimate that about 60% of children (including both of mine) couldn't do up a coat when starting reception, most got the hang of it by the end of the first term, some are still not there.

It is harder starting school very young but a good school will be aware of this and accommodate it. And he will change a lot b/w now and September.

Thank you.
Nursery's attitude stinks for want of a better phrase! They just keep saying "he needs to do it for school, they won't have time to help him."

We are practicing coat / shoes /socks but progress is slow. He genuinely can't do it and if I push it makes him frustrated and despondent.

God move him! That's not a normal attitude at all! 6 months in a place where he's getting told off for that is too long.

Got to agree with Mrsmushroom move your child as this isn't right. The nursery mine went was not good as well and it did influence her behaviours. Still have regrets should have moved her. She still does want to go to a party that is done there how bad can this be? Do not let anyone put your child down and if they do so then they should not be working with yound children.

Attach a key ring or similar with large fun item eg furry animal, onto zip pull. Much easier to grab and pull up.

I feel regret over not moving my older DD too Stephanie. She's 8 now and I should forget it but at the time, I was convinced it was an ok place.

She never said anything much specifc at the time...but she never wanted to go. And not long ago we walked past there and it all came out in a rush She said "I HATE that place...I want to blow it up!"

That's from a very gentle girl...one who NEVER hits or shows agression. OP what I'm saying is don't sit it out...move him if you can.

Of course they have time to help him. I do up coats for year 3 /4 children (I'm a TA & lunchtime supervisor).

Would you consider keeping him in nursery for an extra term so he starts at 4 and a bit rather than just 4? I did this for one of mine (they started in January) and it seemed to work out well.

I understand how you feel Mrsmushroom at the time I felt it was ok she is 5.5 now but if someone of her class does a party there she does not want to go because it is at that place and now she says she did not like the place as they kept on shouting. It does make me as a parent feels why did I not see all this. So I'm with you on this.

My ds says he hates nursery. He cries every morning before he goes...however I'm not sure how much of this is because he just wants to be at home..with me. In which case he'd be the same anywhere.
He says he's bored at nursery.

Stephanie it's because they're so small but you don't always see that with number one...of course you know they're little, but you're perhaps not so aware of how much they put up with before telling you sometimes.
Whatsdoneisdone

How old is he? Has he complaiend of anything specific? that's what my DD used to say...I now know it was because there was no real input into helping her over her shyness and that the teachers were grumpy. My younger DD who is much more vocal went there on a trial and came out saying "I'm never going THERE again...they just left me with some bricks ALL morning!"

And she is so articulate that I knew it was true. this was a private nursery. I wished DD1 could have told me more.

Just over three and a half.
He's never settled brilliantly. But he has got a bit better so I wasn't sure if it was worth moving him for a term and a half and then him having to start all over again.
I have to say they don't seem terribly willing to make much effort with him. They like them to go off and leave the staff alone!

Can you spend some time in the nursery, helping out? I found that really helped DD1....her private nursery weren't very forthcoming about parents helping out so I offered to do a drama workshop...it was just games really...and they bought into that. Then I got some other Mums to help do a craft morning...we made puppets.

Nursery aren't very keen to have parents stay.
They are rated outstanding by ofsted but I must admit in general I haven't been that pleased with how theyve been with my child. They seem to have knocked his confidence rather than built on it.

Oh it's hard....OP could you just go and look at some other nurseries? Just to see the difference? I know you worry about him settiling again but is that worse than months of worry for you and possible unhappiness for him?

Or...more contraversial..you could pull him out, take him to playgroups...you know where parents can stay...and work on having a lovely time with him?

he sounds more than able re numbers and literacy...so it's only about preparing him for moving on later...he's not thriving where he is by the sound of it.

OP the nurserys attitude sounds horrible!
And btw they generally do help them with coats in reception if they need it, so although obviously try to encourage him I wouldn't panic if he is not able to do it.

I think that if you could get a different nursery for him it would be totally worth doing as they sound really poor.
My ds has only just learnt to do up his cost and he is 5, they are applying wholly unnecessary pressure to him. If he doesn't want to go, it may be more than wanting to be at home with you.
Try another nursery, I very much doubt it could do any harm.

My ds was at a nursery from 1yr. Initially he settled well but after a few months he would cry every session. We thought the nursery was great so stuck it out. I was then on maternity leave when he turned 3 so we moved him to a pre school and it was the best thing we did!

Ds adores this nursery and was actually in tears last week as it was half term and he wanted to go! Now when we drive past the old place he still gets a little nervous 6 months on.

We feel bad that we didn't look further into it but at least we have moved him and he is thriving. Ds is the same age as yours and can't do his coat, doesn't know all his letters and sounds but now has jolly good fun at nursery and is growing in confidence every day.