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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

Any tips to deal with a toddler that smacks mummy?

16 replies

tracyk · 02/05/2006 08:12

I do know its a phase and he'll grow out of it (eventually) - ds - 26mo. But whenever he's tired or grumpy and doesn't get his own way - he smacks my legs or if I'm down on his level trying eg to explain to him not to be naughty - he'll smack my face. Sometimes he catches it just right and it bloody hurts!
If we're in the house - he'll get time out - but what can I do if I'm out and trying to get him into his car seat? Do I just get him in forceably and then go in a huff with him and ignore him for the journey back?
Any tips on how to avoid the blows?

OP posts:

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beansprout · 02/05/2006 08:27

I have an 18mo who does the same. I just stop whatever we are doing, ignore him and walk away. The message is IT IS REALLY BORING WHEN YOU DO THAT. Not always easy as sometimes we do actually need to get out of the door but the more I respond the more he does it. If I really can't do that, e.g. getting him into the car seat, I just get it done as quickly as I can and then move away. Really frustrating though and just not nice to be constantly hit by someone. I do sympathise! Not sure if the same stuff used for a an 18mo is relevant to a 26mo but hope you find a solution.

carwillin · 02/05/2006 08:43

I have a 21mo ds who is exactly the same, I agree with beansprout the more you ignore it the better it becomes. It hasn't stopped altogether (consistency) but you can now see him think twice before he lashes out.

Getting him in the car seat is the worst when I literally have to take it on the chin for a minute but once he's in I just ignore until he calms down.

HTH

MrsBigD · 02/05/2006 09:18

can only echo what has been said. DD used to to that to me and it was amazing how much it hurt considering how small she was :)

I just told her that that wasn't nice because it hurt mama and left the room, leaving her there looking rather perplexed. Obviously that's not an option when out and about, though the 'ignoring' on journey back usually prompted a 'sowwy mama'. It will get better... well... there will be other phases... dd is now 4.5yo and in the 'whatever' stroppy phase

chickenrice · 02/05/2006 09:29

I too have the same problem with my DS who is 20 months old. He is smacking me each time he does not get his own way. I have tried saying 'No hitting' but he does hit again and starts crying and hitting at the same time. I have decided to try ignoring and walking away. This sets him off screaming and crying. Not sure if time out will work.

Beansprout and Carwillan, what sort of reactions do you get off your DS when you ignore it and how long did it take for this to work? I do hope this is a short phase. Any tips from anyone else? Thanks.

biglips · 02/05/2006 09:31

the only time my 9 mths old DD smacked me in the face is when she is tired... i give her a warning to not to do it again and warn her if she doesnt it again she go in the playpen.. (she starting to understand what is a playpen now) and if she does it again (which she does) i put her in the playpen and i ignore her and go out of the room.. come back and just carry as normal

biglips · 02/05/2006 09:32

sorry 19 mths old - not 9 !

biglips · 02/05/2006 09:33

must preview!!!..... i tell her if she does it again she go in the playpen

Notquitesotiredmum · 02/05/2006 09:34

I too try to ignore it or to rise above it - "that was a bit daft, wasn't it? Let's go now"
I too find it really hard to be grown up when it hurts especially when I am tired!

However, since the car seat thing is sooo awkward, I usually avoid that one by having a treat to hand - a smartie or something - as a reward, once the seat belt is clicked in place. He's now angelic getting into the car (about the only time he is!) although ds1 - now 6 - has only just stopped expecting his smartie!

biglips · 02/05/2006 09:34

chicken - it will work but its takes time for your 20 mths old to understand about the time out...

beansprout · 02/05/2006 09:36

It depends how he is - if he is tired/hungry etc he will get upset, but if he is ok he will tend to look at me for a bit and then, if I just start doing something else, come over and want to join in (cue lots of postive attention from me). If he gets really upset, I'll leave him alone for a bit and then go and offer him a cuddle, if I am hit again, I just walk away again. I don't leave the room, I just remove myself from him. Boy, do those apples in the fruit bowl get rearranged lots!!

Original poster

tracyk · 02/05/2006 09:43

Glad to hear its not just me then! He now hits me and then ryhmes - 'no hittin', as he's hitting! I just try and empathise with him and realise it must be very difficult and confusing being a 2 year old!

OP posts:

carwillin · 02/05/2006 10:00

Chickenrice - if he's tired then it sparks a full on tantrum and can sometimes take up to 10 minutes for him to calm down. Again echoing beansprout the fruit bowl gets rearranged many times. It took about a week for him to realise what was going on and although it hasn't stopped completely it has definitely lessened.

HTH

HunKeRMunKeR · 02/05/2006 10:04

DS1 occasionally smacks DH and me - we just say "Oh, what lovely patting!" and it confuses the hell out of him and he ends up kissing us.

We never smack him either, so he doesn't get conflicting messages.

The only problem with this is that when he does really pat us affectionately, it's now quite hard...!

chickenrice · 03/05/2006 14:56

Thanks for your advice Beansprout, Carwillan and biglips.

Hunkermunker, shall try your technique to see if it works. But I guess I am going to have to be bloody patient as he has resorted to whacking me with toys (eg toy tractor)when I've tried the 'ignoring' method. I am wondering if we are just starting the 'terrible twos' stage as he bit me a couple of times too yesterday.

forestfern · 08/05/2006 00:11

Biglips. You got me really worried then! I couldn't beleive it - a 9mth old knowing the playpen and being discipllined like that!

neena28 · 08/05/2006 00:39

Not really a tip but I had a bit of problem with this and ds when he was about 2 (now 5.5 and much nicer!)

Anyway he hit me as i picked him up to stop him doing something he shouldn't have been and he smacked me across the side of the face. Dp was there and is normally the most placid, laid back bloke never really gets involved with discipline. He took ds straight off me and really roared at him 'don't you ever hit your mummy again'. He never hit him or anything and then put him straight down again but it was such an obviously disgusted voice that he used to ds plus the fact the ds had never heard him shout before but ds has never ever even thought about it since.

I really do think that dp was just so upset that he hit me and that was so clear to ds that he knew how wrong it is.

Might be some help if yor dp is not normally the get involved type. Cos mine isn't the kids do respect him a bit more if he really says no.

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