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Behaviour/development

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Desperate. Please please help me.

2 replies

CocacolaMum · 25/02/2013 17:25

I live with my husband and our 2 kids. A boy who is nearly 12 and a girl who is 7. The boy is mine from a previous relationship. He doesn't know his biodad but as my husband has been around for 10 years he is dad to him.

The issue we have at the moment is an ongoing one. My son steals.

He shoplifted when he was 9 (just the once as far as I know) I took him to a local playscheme which was meant to be supervised by the play leader but along with another boy my son left and walked to a local shop where he was caught stealing chocolate. The shopkeeper walked him home and of course I was mortified. My son wasn't allowed back to the playscheme and was grounded for a couple of weeks.

Over the past few years there have been a handful of occasions where he has taken things out of the cupboards (chocolate usually - its not like he starves, I do feed him! Just like to limit the junk) and money from my coat pocket. Usually this is a couple of pounds though on one occasion it was £40 which I was supposedly keeping safe for my sister. The latter happened last summer and since then he seemed to be doing well behaviourally

Anyway, hes started again. Its now a few times a WEEK. Its a couple of pounds each time but the amount (to me) isn't the point.
I have tried shouting, reasoning, asking him why he feels the need to steal from me, rewarding good behaviour with masses of attention, telling him how hurtful it is, telling him what happens if he gets caught as an adult, my partner has (shamefully) even smacked him. I just feel completely helpless now. He is constantly grounded, has had his electrical items (mp4 player, ds etc) all confiscated. He knows he could earn weekly pocket money by tidying his room but instead seems to prefer me catching him steal!!

OP posts:
CocacolaMum · 25/02/2013 17:35

Just to say also, I have had my son visit the GP with my mum (thinking he might find it easier to be more open without me?) and asked that maybe they could refer him for some kind of counselling but I received a letter stating that they didn't feel it would offer any assistance.

He isn't a bad kid, very polite and well mannered to everyone (except us obviously), has a few interests but he is very disorganised (I have been encouraging him to straighten this out) and forgetful (I think both are probably an age thing) but all in all he isn't violent or naughty at school. I just don't understand why he keeps stealing (and lying) because I catch him ALL THE TIME and now of course his sister is watching his bad behaviour like a hawk.

He is pretty average now academically (has struggled in the past to keep up but tried so hard in the last year - again we made a big deal of this to encourage him) but his sister is very advanced and I am of course careful that he doesn't feel at all degraded by this but I think it does niggle him - he jokes that they are like perfect peter and horrid henry (it kind of IS like that). She has been known to help HIM with homework.

OP posts:
anonymosity · 25/02/2013 19:26

Just two small thoughts really - could he be doing it a) because its a sure-fire way of keeping your attention and / or b) its actually exciting for him to do it and risk getting caught?

Is there some new, exciting outlet he can find as a replacement to this activity combined with extra reassurance from you that he does have your attention (I'm sure he does have it, but may well need the reassurance)

Hope you get some more helpful answers.

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