Sleep? What's that?

[TwittyMcTwitterson]

Hi,

My perfect little 17 month old has a bit of an issue with sleeping. I think it was originally brought about by teething and now is a habit!

I put her to sleep on my chest, after drinking a bottle in my arms, then move her into her cot once i'm sure she is fast asleep. She will stay there for a fair few hours (anywhere from an hour to almost the morning) but at some point she will start screaming. Sometimes she has her eyes open. Sometimes she is still asleep but very upset. The only way I can settle her is on my chest, which is fine, but as soon as I put her back in her cot she screams! I work fulltime and usually give up and put her in our bed to get some sleep. This was ok when it was a rarity but its now every night and me and my partner are having disagreements as he hates having her in our bed and believes in controlled crying! I don't and will never resort to this method. Our sleep is so broken that i'm a walking zombie most of the time.

She won't go to sleep if I just put her in her cot and giver her a bottle, she just screams. I have to get her to sleep first.

Our bedtime routine is either Bath, Brush teeth, Bottle in Bedroom and then cot or without the bath sometimes.

I was thinking of making her cot into a bed as it seems to be the movement of taking her away from me and moving her downwards that wakes her up and causes issues.

I'm currently reading Pinky McKay Sleeping like a baby but I don't often get chance to read so it's taking me a while. Can someone please give me some tips?

Sorry about your lack of sleep... must be really tough going :( I know controlled crying can be controversial around here, but I am going to recommend it anyway for your and your baby's sanity! It does not involve letting them cry it out all night (that is different and wouldn't recommend that) and you do not need to leave them for more than about 10 mins (how long is up to you). You are training your baby to settle themselves, as you have noted she has a habit or relying on you, falling asleep in your arms. You will need to be ready to not give in though and a few tough nights. Whatever you do it isn't going to be easy to get rid of the sleep associations, there is no simple solution.... For us it took just two for each our DS's who have been sleeping like a dream since 10 months old (DS1 now 2.6y) and DS2 since 6 months, in the last few weeks. They have been far more contented and happy as a result of the extra sleep they are getting too!

You need to break the habits of feeding to sleep and also cuddling to sleep (sounds like cuddling her to sleep is more of an issue if she won't feed herself to sleep). She knows now that if she cries you will give in to her sleep association. At night, make sure she is well fed and burped and put her down in her cot in the dark. It may help to have a soft toy or taggy blanket as a comforter. Stroke her forehead, shush-pat, and hold her tummy firmly, say good night, sing, etc. for a few mins then leave the room. Return in 2 mins, and repeat. Then 5 mins, repeat. We mostly did 5 min intervals, never more than 10. Encourage using the comforter and try not to pick her up. If you do though, just for a few minutes, shush, rub back and put her down again. Please just try this for a few nights, over a weekend where your partner can help and you can catch up on sleep! x

She can either feed herself or snuggle herself to sleep but generally we do both. To be honest, I give her the bottle as I think it might shut her up for longer by keeping her full. I never thought about that before, I guess that's just a habit too! She used to sleep like a dream which makes me find it more annoying as I know she can do it! The amount of sleep she is getting doesn't affect her luckily, she is a very happy baby so I am lucky there!

The reason I am against controlled crying is because it reminds me of something I studied at uni. It was an experiment on dogs and they hurt them and the dogs gave up even whimpering to let people knew they were hurt because there was no point. It's an extreme version of a similar thing. The only reason she will stop crying is because she has given up. I don't want my baby to think I won't be there for her. I mean 5 mins prob won't do anyone any harm but she does get very hysterical quite quickly. Once when she was with my partner and she was crying a lot as she was getting over a cold and he left her to it. said after 15 minutes she stopped and carried on playing. I could have killed him as she was ill but he said she coped well with it!

What does all this DD,DS, DH etc mean???? new to this :-/ x

Hi EveesMummy,

I am not sure if I have answers for you, but I am in a similar boat.
Btw, DD = Darling Daughter, DS = Darling Son, DH = darling Partner
My DD is 18 months and breastfed and she will not fall asleep without being breastfed in the evening. Similarly to you, I then transfer her to bed, once she is properly asleep. She wakes up after 7 hours of sleep usually, sometimes earlier and will not go to sleep again if I don't pick her up and feed her. I usually take her to our bed at this point, I also work (although part time), otherwise I wouldn't cope.
I am not sure if this is of any consolation, but I can see a very, very slow progress. She used to wake up a few times a night and although she doesn't scream, she would call em until I come and pick her up.

I also don't want to do controlled crying and I personally am too lazy/frightened to teach her to fall asleep in a different way. It works, so I don't want to change it! I'd rather not do it at night though. My DD also had other issues, mainly terrible gas keeping her up at night and she seems to be growing out of it slowly too. I vowed not to change anything (if my patience allows me) until she finished teething. Could your DD waking be teething related too?

There is a good book called No Cry sleep solution, but I haven't read the toddler one yet. The baby one teaches to slowly get them to fall asleep without the 'prop', whether it's rocking, boob or bottle. I haven't tried this because it's requires a lot of patience. Did you try getting her into a half sleepy stage and then transferring her to a cot?

Another thing I read is that for working mums, babies like to catch up with cuddles at night... Have you been back at work for a while or is it fairly new?

Well done for breastfeeding for so long! I stopped at six months and felt I should have done it longer.

I do think this teething related as she goes through phases of this but never one lasting so long, which is why I think it may have turned in to a habit. She won't go into her cot if shes anything less than fast on! Last night was a reasonable night as twice i rested her back in her cot and just stoked her n rubbed her belly and she stayed but twice she wormed her way into our bed!

I have been back at work fulltime just under 9 months so I don't think its that. She is a very cuddly baby though. recently she has made it very clear that she doesnt want to come home from nursery so shes very happy there but obv they aren't me! x

Hey, interesting about your experience with the experiment at uni. Well the big difference is (besides not hurting your baby!) is that you are not not responding to their crying, you are going in at regular intervals and soothing them to let them know you're there, you're just not giving in to their sleep association. They don't stop crying because they're "giving in", rather they're learning to settle themselves, which is what you want, right?! Believe me, my boys have not given up crying altogether!!:)

There is a really good article on here under the sleep section but not sure how u get to it. U googled controlled crying and it came up. It's called 'sleep training and controlled crying'.

I will have a google! I might leave it a minute or two tonight and go from there.

I know leaving her to cry isn't physically hurting her but mentally it must be affecting her. When I was old enough to understand it still hurt when my mum didn't return my affection. Im away from her most of the day. I only see her an hour in the morning and three hours in the evening. She probably does want hugs to make up for that :-(

When I was getting her to sleep tonight, I changed her nappy on the floor and she lay there very content for about five mins til I put her in her cot and then she basically started arsing about! She's asleep now tho... Yay \0/