'Lazy' 3.2 year old

[WhispersOfWickedness]

I'd love to get some perspective on this issue as I'm really not sure the right way to approach it!

DS was 3 in December. The last couple of months he has become reluctant to do much for himself, even though he is perfectly capable. He will occasionally decide he wants to do something for himself (which is how I know he's capable!) and is very motivated when it is something fun or that he wants to do. The things I'm talking about are things like getting himself dressed, walking up and down the stairs without help and going to the toilet.
He has been potty trained since around October with virtually no accidents until recently. Now I have to remind him to go as he just won't take himself, will just wet himself and won't tell anyone. When it is pointed out, he just shrugs, it doesn't bother him at all to be wet, whereas it did when he was first trained. He doesn't have poo accidents, although has started pooing in his night time nappy again which I assume is for much the same reason that he can't be bothered when he knows I will sort it out for him.
Dressing is the same, He is fine to do it when he chooses to but if I ask him, he will roll around on the floor screaming that he can't do it
I know that this is probably a very common phase, but I'm still not sure how to handle it! Should I be letting him tantrum (often resulting in an accident if it is going to the toilet related) until he does whatever it is for himself, or should I just give in and help him? I'm obviously just a bit worried that that approach will mean I am dressing him until he is 16, as why will he decide to do it himself if someone is always willing to do it for him?!
Does the dressing thing and toilet thing need to be dealt with seperately or are they part of the same thing?
I think I've just got myself in a tizz about it and can't see the wood for the trees, please can you tell me how you would handle it?!

Bump

I have used two different tactics with my three year old.

The first was to baby him, do everything and stop suggesting he do anything to reassure him he has my attention and also so he can rebel by doing things himself. Then loads of praise if he does something so praising what he does do rather than critisising what he doesn't iyswim.

Then when he was nearer 4 I did a tick sheet (hand written once a week) with pocket money for getting his ticks. It turned out one tick on a page was better than any praise I could lavish on him. He doesn't even seem bothered by the pocket money, but if I say he needs to do something to get his tick he generally does it.

HTH

Sounds like my ds. Although we ditched the night time nappies and lift him at 10pm. With wees in the day I just tell him to go when he starts to hold himself.

Dressing - I lay his clothes out and ask him to dress. He does actually struggle with long sleeves but ok otherwise. So I ignore him until he starts to try - as soon as he does, I give positive praise for doing so. Sometimes I pull him into my lap and help him which is a good excuse for a cuddle - sometimes he just wants one.

He tantrums when tired - he's trying to drop his nap - so I have to watch for that. I'll ignore him and keep the requests to a minimum when he's in one of those moods.

I suspect he's caught between independence and wanting his mummy still.

Thank you both

Got a few ideas from your posts. I do think I need to start giving him more positive attention separately from when I need him to do something, as I think if I made a fuss of him when doing it for him, he really would lap it up and i would be fanning him and feeding him grapes before I knew it

Two more things that I've thought of that he has issues with doing himself are putting on shoes to go out and doing jigsaws That's the one that really gets me, and I have ended up saying 'I don't need to do your jigsaw for you, it's supposed to be fun and I learnt how to do puzzles a long time ago, so really don't need the practice!' It's strange, it's not like I'm standing over him forcing him to do the puzzles himself, he picked them himself from the puzzle cupboard to do

Iggly, what do you do when you've got to go out somewhere fast? I find I don't mind if we have no plans (he has been spending all day in his pyjamas a lot this half term ) but it's stressful when we have to get out to preschool on time. I also have an 18mo to get ready (which I'm also guessing could be a factor?).

Btw, he is going through a mummy phase, he would pick me over DH any time, which is stressful in itself, especially as 18mo dd has been a Velcro baby since she was born. He makes a fuss getting ready for DH as well though.

I have a 15 month old too so feel your pain.

I'm guessing that you know you've got to get ready so give yourself more time. It's rare we pop out on a whim. The ignoring him until he gets dressed works or I ask if i should do it or should he. He'll answer "no-one" so I say "mummy do it then". Sometimes he'll run away as if it's a game - whch is fine because the goal is to get dressed, not for him to get dressed iyswim. I know he can do it and he will, sometimes he just wants to mess around. And when he does do it, I will praise him - nothing wrong with that. He really takes pride when he does something well.

Don't underestimate the impact of your younger dc. Sibling rivalry lasts forever IMO - so if he sees you treating your youngest one way, he'll want similar. Telling him "because he's 3" won't cut it.

Thank you iggly, this has been really helpful
It's not that he doesn't want to be dressed at all, he just can't be bothered to do it himself. Think I need to give him a break and just start helping him again and try taking a step back again in a few months and hope that he's matured!
I do actually realise that it's more my issue than his tbh, after 18 months of having to get two children dressed everyday, I nearly sang for joy on the day he spontaneously got himself dressed and have been expecting the same ever since He is very much like me though, very determined to get his own way in a very quiet and stubborn manner, not good when we're both at it
I am conscious of the sibling thing, I have been since she was born, it has been one of the hardest parts of parenting for me, balancing their needs. I can't quite believe that he was so young when she was born; she's only a couple of months off the same age and such a baby still!!
I have expected too much from him really and he has attempted to rise to my expectations admirably, bless him. Maybe this and the potty training are his little rebellion Feel awful for him now and want to go and give him a big hug!

My DD is also of the same age and also likes to pretend to be a baby at times. She is quite good at getting dressed etc but very lazy with eating, i.e. will expect to be spoon fed at times. Won't do this in nursery of course but at home I think it is a way of ensuring she has my attention. I have just thought it is a phase and one day when I have more energy I will simply stop doing it but for now it doesn't really matter that much. 3 year old is still quite small, tbh although will look very big and capable next to a younger sibling.

Yes, you're right, it is very easy to forget how young he is when he is next to DD.
Well, this morning I did just get him dressed myself, he was very confused! Will just go with the flow for now and trust that I won't still be doing it when he's a teenager
I don't really know why I've made it into such an issue, I'm pretty relaxed about a lot of other parenting things, we have no issues in the food department for instance!
Still not really sure how to deal with the potty training, hopefully it will resolve on its own soon