Clingy 15mo. Any tips?

[PastaBeeandCheese]

My 15mo can't walk yet and just wants to be carried all the time. If I put her down for a second to say, wash my hands, she shouts 'up, up' before dissolving into real tears if I don't immediately comply.

I actually don't mind carrying her and I know she just wants to see what I'm doing but she is getting heavier and heavier and every morning I wake with a new ache. I wish I could put her down just briefly to wash my hands, go to the loo, make a sandwich etc.

Any tips for how to put her down briefly? I suspect my aches and pains are due to bending down whilst carrying her. I've tried toys and even giving her my phone or iPad if I need a few minutes but she won't wear it!

OR, am I just asking for the impossible and need to get on with it?!

Oh, she goes to nursery 3 days a week and obviously she isn't like this there...... When are they ever?!

In my (limited) experience (DD 3.9, DS nearly 16mths) the period leading up to them starting to walk is awful for clinginess and poor sleep.

I think it's because they are on a biological drive to get moving and separate a bit more, but at the same time the separation anxiety is at its height to make sure they don't just disappear. It's a real psychological bind for them, they are desperate to move but terrified of losing you.

My son did first steps at 13 months but didn't really get going inside till about 14 months. He has been walking confidently outside for a couple of weeks now and he is a different boy - the clinginess has gone.

During the clingy period I found he was much more confident about being on his own if I was "anchored" in one place where he could keep tabs on me. If I sat on the sofa next to him while he played on the floor, he would gain confidence, sit and play for a while and soon would be moving around the room exploring. The moment I stood up and started pottering about trying to get stuff done (even though I was always in his sight) he lost his confidence and would become clingy.

So I spent a lot of time on the sofa with my iPhone!

If he was mega clingy and I was trying to make supper I would put him in his highchair with kiddy videos on the computer, or alternatively carry him in the backpack.

Is your DD your first? I found that my DS was much better when his sister was around, playing around him. With my DD it was much more intense as there was only me and her.

That makes a lot of sense bump. I feel so sorry for her as literally all her friends can run about and she can't keep up. When we go to a play centre or a friend's house she will play for a bit and then climb in my lap and cling to my clothes. I can only put this down to anxiety around her mobility as she used to play with her friends for much longer.

At home I just can't understand why she gets so upset if I put her down to butter her toast of whatever but you're right..... To her I put her down and immediately walk away.

She has always been clingy and yes, she's my first and I molly coddle her if I'm honest and DH is worse than me! If I had another she'd have to be put down whether she liked it or not. All I see is my friends having a seemingly easier time with their walkers because they don't have to continually carry them and they don't seem to be so clingy.

Roll on her taking a few steps then and hopefully it will improve. Incidentally she has taken steps at nursery and routinely pushes a truck around. She has never walked at home and screams her head off if I line the push along truck up so there's definitely some sort of thought process going on in her head.

Bless her, she sounds lovely! When she starts walking she'll probably get the knack really quickly. If they take first steps younger, if often takes them ages to really get going. Older children master it quicker as they are bigger and stronger and more co-ordinated.

In my experience (limited to two kids!) the worst thing you can do with a clingy child is try to force them to be independent when they are in a clingy phase. I tried and failed with DD and when it came to DS I didn't even bother. Their anxiety is 1000 times stronger than your will to get 5 mins on the loo alone (and given how much you would love that, its a measure of how strong their feelings are!).

So I wouldn't worry about mollycoddling, she'll get through it quicker if you are reassuring. Its a pain though isn't it! And it was so much harder with my DD as she was my first and I had no concept that this phase would ever come to an end. It was easier second time around to just go with it as I knew DS would come out of it.

PS you sound like a lovely responsive parent who puts her needs first. When she is a secure and confident three year old, you'll congratulate yourself for all that hard work.

My DD was like this, calmed down once she learnt to walk, and now it's returned! She doesn't like being down on the floor by herself, she likes being up with me and DH where the action is :) as my DD is a few months older, she can stand on a chair beside me, e.g. when I'm doing something in the kitchen. Or have you thought about a sling that you can tie so she sits on your hip? It's a bit easier than carrying them all the time but you can have hands free.

My 16mo DD is exactly the same! She's a non-walker too. It is exhausting but, like you, I just go with it and ignore the housework. She's my first too, so good to hear from others that it doesn't last forever.

She's not horrendous with housework fish provided I let her do exactly what I'm doing and she can stay right by me. She will load and unload washing machine, has a cloth and squirty water bottle for cleaning bathrooms and a duster but is obviously not so good with hoovering, ironing, mopping etc!

Thinking hard about what bump said I've removed a cushion from next to me on the sofa so she can climb up and down to me at will using the base of the sofa and already she seems happier and I'm having 5 minutes to drink a cup of tea without her crying to be picked up. She has been up a few times to check on me but is now playing terrorising with the cat on her own! Amazing!

I think she's perfect bump but I expect I'm biased. I think I just need to really think about how I can help her to feel more secure. I've been focusing on distracting her from noticing my absence until now which seems to make her very cross when she notices I've slipped into the kitchen or whatever.

I've been focusing on distracting her from noticing my absence until now which seems to make her very cross when she notices I've slipped into the kitchen or whatever.

My son was just like this - I would let him have TV while I ran upstairs. But they have such a sensitive antennae - he would never ever fail notice me go, no matter how exciting whatever distraction was that I tempted him with. I gave up in the end, ha ha!

The irony is that once she gets walking the roles will be reversed - she will be off without a care in the world, abandoning you, and you'll be chasing after her and preventing her from walking under a bus keeping your beady eyes on her at all times!

Happy days ...

I'm painfully aware that I'll miss the cuddles.....!

Just keep reassuring her. Tell her what you're doing - they understand a lot at this age. Dd is 15 months and we've taught her signs - so she can tell me if she wants toast, milk, a drink, cuddles etc. so talk to her - don't just leave her. They're a joy at this age - understanding you, curious and able to communicate. (dd is my second and I'm being reminded why I love this age again).