Talk to me about the terrible twos....

[MamaBear17]

My DD is 19 months. She is starting to become a little more demanding and has started throwing tantrums. She speaks beautifully and this seems to make her come across as even more demanding. Not only does she tell me 'no' she also articulates WHY she is refusing to keep her shoes on/eat her dinner/ stop bashing the TV. I know it is all 'normal terrible two' type stuff - my niece is a couple of months older and is just the same - but I would be very grateful of any advice as to how to deal with her. Part of me gets annoyed when she is throwing her 6th tantrum of the day, but part of me worries she is unhappy and I hate that. I will fully admit that I am a first time mum, and the type of mum who will say 'no' when my dd does something wrong, and then go on to explain to her why I am saying no. I am sort of following the 'super nanny, low, authoritative voice' thing, followed by a cuddle then I distract her. I do not do the naughty step or anything like that because she is still little. She goes to nursery 4 days a week and is very happy there, so happy in fact that when I go to pick her up (she is picked up earlier than all of the other children - we are teachers and lucky enough to alternate picking her up at 3.30) she often initially refuses to come with me! She always does, and seems happy, but I still get that initial 'no!' During the weekend and on my day off we do lots of child centred stuff - soft play, swimming, playdoh, crafts, reading etc. She is my first, she is the centre of my universe, she completely knows it. How do I get through the tantrum stage without setting her up to be a madam in the future? Any opinions are very welcome!

She's just trying to see if she can control the situation - ie leaving nursery - she knows you can say NO to something and mean it, she's trying to find out if she can do the same.

So I'd say, make sure she knows she can say No about things - ie going to the park when you have loads of time, and accepting her No if you ask her if you want to leave, or letting her choose which shoes or coat she wears etc. But at the same time, simply saying "Yes, we've got to go now." when she can't and just doing it - ignoring any tantrum as you carry her away.

DD (20mo) says No alot, she also gets over it and accepts the No in response almost immediately. Just be consistent in not giving in, and give her some control over the things she can be allowed control.

At this age you can often distract from a tantrum ('Look!' and point, and then think of what you're looking at after :D).

Otherwise I think it's important to be clear about what is going to happen - sometimes I think they get a weird 2 - yr -old idea in their heads and then there's a tantrum when it can't happen.

When all else fails (and sometimes it will) acknowledging they're upset and a hug when they're really going for it, or when they've finished if you can't get near for flailing limbs is the only thing you can do really. Strong emptions are a bit scary when you have them for the first time, but at least she'll know you're sympathetic. Doesn't mean you should give in though!

Good luck.
I've eventually learned that less intervention and a cuddle when it's all over works for us!
Oh and feel no shame when you are out in public because that's when they will practice their "new" party piece.
Bitter...moi?
Enjoy and again...good luck!