Unconditional parenting people WWYD?

[nappyaddict]

DS has stopped at my sisters overnight and I am about to pick him up.

Yesterday afternoon we discovered one of mine and DPs Christmas presents. It was a canvas of a photograph taken at DPs brother's wedding that is usually hung on our wall. We have found it in the bin with food stains on. We tried wiping them off but no luck. I wouldn't have wanted DS to clean it himself in case he did more damage. He is 6.8 BTW.

I think then maybe the difference for some people then is the meaning, description and onus that is put on to feelings and how we transcend these to other people.

I personally don't think I could be made to feel cross or disappointed, to throw another feeling into the mix, by a behaviour I or my child did not quite understand. I would feel confused and concerned and that is the message I would portrait in an attempt understand and resolve what had happened.

I am confused and worried about what's going on in his head to cause him to do that but you can you not feel those things and cross at the same time that something got damaged on purpose?

I would expect a 6.8 year old to know the dangers of not playing with chemicals. It sounds to like he is exhibiting some level of impulsivity in his behaviour and I'm no expert but In my limited experience and knowledge coming up with strategies associated with learning and understanding his impulsivity would be great thing to do and then often has to involve the adults reactions being fairly rigid and predictable and calm.

A good technique like I had hinted to earlier would be the collaborative approach, where you explore his behaviour and ask him questions like why did you do that, what lead up to that behaviour, how did you feel , how could you better recognise these feelings in future, what could you have done differently etc.

a good strategy is the good voice bad voice as some children who act impulsive are unable to express why and often describe an urge or voice. So when the bad voice or urge kicks in he needs to stop and allow the good voice more power and this can give him an opportunity to think through the consequences of his actions if he can or just keep it as simple as make a better choice. this may allow him to control some impulses a little better.

The collaborative approach also allows for situations where dad left out the cleaner and like you did recognise that maybe if dad had put the cleaner away it may have been avoided.

Of course you can but I personally would decide to hid those feelings of crossness if it meant communicating with my child to better understand their behaviour and then if needed express I was cross. I don't think you are wrong for feeling cross.

My dd has taken to telling fibs it worries me a little at the back of my mind and I feel a bit disappointed when find out she has fibbed but the other day she told a fib and began to back track. I let her know I realised she had fibbed but she could have handled it better by saying, do you know what mum that was a fib this is the truth rather tying herself in knots back tracking. Had I told her I was disappointed then that would have straight away lost me the opportunity to talk about how people feel when others have told a lie and how the consequences affect people etc.