Help please, Any experience with developmental delay ?

[PagingDrFaggot]

We have recently moved to a new practice area and met out HV. She is lovely came round for a chat and I mentioned i was concerned about 21 month old DS lack of speech . She came back last week with a nursery nurse and did a full assessment on him which he failed rather spectacularly.
Some background on him, he has always been behind even from smiling onwards. He rolled over at around 9 months sat up at 11 months and crawled at 1. He finally walked at 18 months after refusing to weight bear on his legs until 16 months. His walking is still not "steady" at almost 22 months he has just started to be steady enough to walk outside without constantly faceplanting !
There are also issues that have been picked up, he flaps his hands a lot, is obsessed with hair twiddling and will sit and spin the wheels on his cars for hours. He has now has a referral to paeds outpatients clinic and a SALT.
I know the peads referral is going to be looking at autism,The HV did the CHAT on him and he needs further looking into he does have some of the symptoms often displayed at his age , eye contact is excellent he loves a snuggle and is happy to be removed from his car spinning ( or spinning other things for that matter!)
Im just a bit up in the air ATM and would like a bit of hand holding and advice, i feel as though i have failed him. I had a crap pregnancy with DH having an affair which i found out about and i am worried the stress i put him under as i spectacularly lost the plot whilst pregnant has damaged him in some way.
He was a difficult colicy velcro baby but in the last 6 months we have turned a corner and he is making progress with walking etc
Is it possible he is just a bit "slower" than others of his age or am i going to have to face facts here that he is so way behind ( cant build bricks, feed himself , hold a pencil he just eats it that there is something going on and he isn't magically going to one day catch up as i always thought he would.

Stress won't have damaged him :)
It is good he is being looked at - although it may not feel like it.

More later - my severely autistic teen wants me to take him to the beach. I can say whatever happens - it'll be fine - in many ways ds1 is my 'worst case scenario' but he's lovely, and actually very funny. So I can say even if the worst happens it's still ok. (And it may well come to nothing and this time will just be a bad memory).

Sorry not to post more - am being made to neck my tea! Do post in special needs as well.

I agree with saintly it is very good that he is going to be assessed while he is so little, pop over to the special needs children board. Its very friendly and there are lots of knowledgable people over there.

Good luck

My 7yo DS had a mild global development delay and caused me tons of worry, ranging from ASD to dyspraxia, dyslexia and Tourette's.

I first had concerns when he seemed distant and avoided eye contact during his second year and I just happened to mention it to the paediatrician who was seeing my DD about something else.

DS was seen by various people over the years including the SaLT (who was crap). We are at the point now where DS is doing fine - a bright lad who is nice and average. Just a couple of weeks ago he was discharged by the school paediatrician who we had been speaking to about some of DS's 'odd' behaviours and tics.( Part of our prob was not knowing what was 'weird' abnormal behaviour and what was normal little boy behaviour; the doc was lovely and explained that parents often forget that there is a broad scope for 'normal'.) DS still sees a physio and OT as he has hyper-mobility which affects motor skills and makes hand writing a real struggle.

My younger DS (2.9 yo) is following a similar pattern to my older DS: v late walker, still not talking much etc. I have come to accept that he too seems to have a global development delay and I am about to get the ball rolling with my HV to organise a hearing test for DS.

I also have two DDs who are both quite advanced, which only emphasises the issues with my DSs.

I think you are right to have these issues of your son's looked at, but more than likely it will just work itself out with time and he may just be a bit behind. It is always better to get in the system early, so that should you need intervention and support later, things are already in motion.

I have always found that my worries with Ds1 were quite vague and sometimes difficult to pin down but the doctors and health care practitioners we saw listened to our concerns and were happy to see my son on a regular basis for reviews even when we were going through good patches. For us we just felt something was not quite right but couldn't say what and our worries about him still come and go. I don't regret going to seek professional help at all - you either find reassurance that your child is okay, or you get confirmation that there is something that needs addressing and you feel relieved that someone is going to help you do that.

Hi there, why don't you ask your HV is you might be eligible for portage - even just a one off visit and they can give you some activities in the meantime while you wait to see paed. the main question with speech is whether he has the intention to communicate (ASD would suggest not) but words aren't coming, or if he is having trouble making sounds / words but wants to communicate - does he point, for example? The Autism society strap line is something like: deep down parent's know - so trust your instincts. A crappy start may be the cause of delay or in fact a sign of delay / disorder - most likely the later. Drs can hold off diagnosis in the face of uncertainty and the parents of ASD children often feel resentful of this delay so my advice would be to get a Portage Home Visitor to go through a Developmental Journal across all areas, not just speech. Good Luck.