Help with baby feeding issues

[Ridersofthestorm]

Long one sorry.
I'm literally at my wits end and out of ideas to encourage my 9m old ds to eat savoury dinners, all he wants is the pudding at dinner/tea time.
Also he WON'T feed himself at all!!! Not with a spoon but put anything food wise to his mouth with his hands. He's not really a put things in his gob type of baby anyway (only soft stuff) but he won't even try with his food. I've tried everything, putting his hand to his mouth with finger food, he holds it there but when he takes it out just won't try and put it back again. He then gets frustrated and drops whatever is in his hand and gets upset if I try to force it. I asked the hv about it at his 8m check and he said if he's not doing in a month and yr still worried come back. He thinks he might just be lazy, a few other people have suggested this also . With the feeding issue the hv also thought he is probably just finicky and discovering what he likes and doesn't like. In this case he is obsessed with sweet stuff for dinner. He does like some savoury stuff like toast but not much else.
The thing is the hv doesn't have to sit there with him for every meal time and watch him scream his head off when I try to feed him. We've tried putting food on his dummy which worked but takes ages and is not something I want him to learn. We've tried giving him pudding on spoon first followed by his dinner which worked for a bit now he's got wise to that and just refuses everything. He will take food from my fingers (getting funny now about spoons) but I don't really like doing this as its a bit unhygienic.
So tonight yet again sitting him in his high chair followed by screaming because he doesn't like what I am feeding him. I've tried making sure he's not too tired, had a bottle before. I've done homemade puréed food now on pouches, he's even gone off carrot he used to love it.
I'm so worried about him just eating sweet stuff (thank god he likes some fruit). I didn't want to be one of them parents that just give in all the time and give him the pudding. I'm so sick of the screaming fits at dinner/tea time. He even refused apple purée for pudding tonight and he'll normally eat that. But he scoffed the yogurt.
I try eating in front of him so he can see what I do, I try pretending to eat his food I play here comes the plane, car etc etc aghhhhh
I just want my son to enjoy meal times, get messy and learn about food. It makes me stressed when all the other mums babies at baby group are loving their food and gulping down what ever they give them (apparently).
Please has anyone else had this problem with their baby? Am I worrying about nothing? Should I just be glad as long as he eats something? Help

I'm sorry but I am a first time mummy so this is new to me

Ok, I have 4 dc and they've all had finicky phases were they are all of a sudden picky for no reason.
I would suggest making sure he's hungry before you feed him, so no bottle before hand. Maybe try him with a cup of water at meal times.
Try not to get wound up, if your getting frustrated just go make a cuppa and calm down or your dc could pick up on your anxiety.
I would also stop giving puddings for awhile, just give him one meal. If he doesn't eat in 30 mins just take it away and try him again in an hour.
Try making sweeter main meals, so maybe mac and cheese, pork and apple casserole, noodle chow mein, chicken and apricot cous cous, lamb and prune stew and rice.
Also don't fuss with the spoon if he won't eat don't push just leave him otherwise you could put him off. You could also maybe try Toasties maybe tuna and sweetcorn, banana and chicken, cheese and beans.
Hopefully this might help. It is upsetting and frustrating but your dc will come round. All the best.

Thank you ohmy that's really great advice, I'm clutching at straws at the mo so it's much appreciated. I've always assumed he's hungry but maybe he might not be? He's not a greedy baby quite happy eating little amounts and he is bang in the middle of his development. I suppose I probably get more worked up listening to other mums saying how well their babies eat. He was a small baby when he was born and is smaller than some of the other babies of his own age, but perfectly healthy.
I really love the idea of toasties tho, I will certainly give that a try. I have tried other types of sweet food much like what you listed but he still moans. Funnily enough his dad and grandma don't get as much fuss off him as I do, so maybe my anxiety about the situation is something he is picking up on. Time to relax me thinks, and breathe.

Can you eat exactly what he eats at the same time? What would he do if you cut his up and left it on his tray whilst you ate yours? Wait until he's hungry and don't offer puddings see how that affects things maybe?

The bigger deal you make of it, the bigger deal it becomes so if he throws it all on the floor or refuses the whole lot- forget about it! He's still having enough milk so don't focus too much on the food. Good luck!

Hi Nora, yeah he will eat my food if i cut it up for him and feed it to him. I leave some on his high chair table, he won't feed himself but the hv said it was good for him to see me eat too.
I was giving him puddings because my cousin said that they are supposed to have them (apparently)? I give him yogurt which is his favourite, and will make fresh apple, banana or pear purée. It's the rice puddings, banana crumbles etc out of the jar that i am more worried about.

I'm a bit confused. Are you feeding purees or solid food?

I'm feeding mainly puréed textured food. For example breakfast is porridge with banana mashed up or broken into bigger bits which he can chew. Dinner ellas savory pouch with yogurt, either fresh fruit chopped up or a fruit pouch. However on some days when I am having my dinner or breakfast I will give him some of mine instead for example toast, scrambled eggs, beans. Maybe I am confusing him with different textures then?

I have no idea - I did BLW.

Will he eat finger foods? If he's not eating off a spoon, then maybe that's the way to go.

He'll eat finger foods but only when I feed him it from my fingers. Not the best solution I know but he won't feed himself at all. God knows if I'm doing anything right tbh

I would stop feeding him off your fingers. I would also be giving him chopped up small food by now. You can buy small pasta like orzo and orecchiette which is quite good for little fingers. Maybe chopped up fruit, breads try maybe naan, chapati, tortilla for a change. My dc loved the coconut and sultana naans. Maybe try a mild curry. I know my boys loved strong foods, so maybe something with a different taste will help.
I know I sometime gave pouches but not that often after dc 1 because I was making family meals so I just made a salt free/milder portion of what we were eating for the dc that came later.
Should say as long as your dc has some teeth otherwise some chopped up food could be tricky.

Children don't have to have puddings at all, it can be a nice treat but not a necessity. Don't worry about doing everything 'right' - everyone's just trying to do their best!

Does he pick toys up and put them to his mouth? If he does then he's able to do the same with his food and in which case I'd make sure it's in reach and let him get on with it. Instead of you feeding it to him from your fingers, make the pieces big enough for him to grasp and put them into his hand?

Ohmy thanks! I've been giving him baby organic pasta which is small enough for him, he seems to like that. I always feed him with a spoon but sometimes will use my fingers to get him to eat. I always have finger food on his tray which i just leave for him to play with. He just won't feed himself no matter how I try to show him, holding his hand to his mouth. All I can do is persist. His grandma had him today whilst I was at work and she said he had about 7 spoonfuls of food and then just refused. I think he might just not be hungry when I try to feed him and likes to eat little and often.
I just wish he bloody would try and feed himself tho, why won't he do it???

Hi Nora, yeah he can put toys to his mouth but not all the time ( about twice a day). He is just not a baby that puts every toy in his mouth, only light soft toys mainly?? God knows why. So no wonder he doesn't do it with his food. I just get paranoid thinking is it a development thing or something or laziness?
I've took your advice and cut down on the pudding so he is getting only dinner and fruit. He seems pretty happy and not crying with hunger. I suppose I forget he is only a baby so his food is still mainly his milk and he's not got a massive stomach. As long as he's getting what he needs your right I shouldn't worry, I can only try my best.

OP my DS is exactly the same, I started weaning at 6 months, he refused all spoon foods so we did all finger foods, he didn't eat much at all just playing and the occasional lick then throw off his high chair. He is 8 months now and still not much better, will only have yogurts from a spoon and no savoury, finger foods are just played with!

Also always hearing about how other babies his age are wolfing down 3 meals plus puddings and snacks!

No advice as in same boat! I'm just not letting mealtimes be a battle and hoping eventually it will just click with him!

Hi flossy, thanks for taking the time to reply. I'm glad I'm not the only one. It certainly makes you worry when you hear about other babies scoffing everything in sight. I keep thinking its me, I'm not doing something right and I've tried everything. Im going to try and relax a bit more and hope he just gets it on his own. I can only keep trying, offering finger food for him to play with (hopefully one day eat) and persist with spoon and savoury food.
I just thought someone on here would reply with something like "oh mine did that he/she is fine now".

Maybe you should have a glass of wine yourself at dinner time to relax a bit? ;)

What times are you feeding him? How many milk feeds does he have?

Don't let him see puddings or sweets. Those foods are not age appropriate. You aren't being mean by hiding them or refusing to give them. In fact it's your duty not to give your baby pudding at this age.
Only let him see the food you want him to eat. My DS is 2.4 and still doesn't want to self feed much. He'll do finger food himself but wants spoonfeeding the rest of the time. Up until now we've indulged him but DC2 will be here in 2 months so DS1 will have to feed himself more so we are actively encouraging it more. Should have done it sooner!
Have you tried making pureés of vegetables mixed with fruits? You can make them yourself. Try copying some of the Ella's Kitchen flavours. Root veggies such as sweet potato and carrots are often a hit with young babies. Your child is still very young. The next few months are very important for forming healthy eating habits.
When I started weaning DS I made batches of fruits / veggies / savouries and froze them so I always had healthy food / snacks available. Silicone ice cube trays are great for this.

www.askdrsears.com/topics/feeding-infants-toddlers

There are some greats tips and advice on this site.

Thank you all for your advice, ill certainly be taking it all on board.
He's cut down on his bottles from four to three 6oz bottles a day. He still has two bottles of a night but I think he'll be dropping the second one soon.

I've purchased the Annabel karmel book on weaning so I'm going to give that a try with the recipes and just persist as much as I can.
I need to just stop stressing over this so much and relax a bit more.

Thanks everyone your advice really has been so helpful xx

Food is for fun until 1! Remember this & try not to worry.

Try not to worry and get worked up about feeding - they are all different, and as long as he is eating some foods and growing still and developing that is the main thing and it will get easier with time. I don't think it matters at all that he isn't feeding himself yet. My ds (now 4) had severe reflux and feeding difficulties as a baby and as a result didn't start weaning until 15 months. I had tried finger foods (he screamed at all purees) twice a day for 5 months before he started putting anything in his mouth and eating it. And then we only succeeded initially with meringue and trifle sponge fingers as they dissolve in the mouth. He now has a pretty limited diet but eats well at certain things. He has only really been spoon feeding himself since the age of 3, and still eats baby jars of fruit as that is the only way I can get any fruit into him. He doesn't eat any veg. I am past the point of caring what other people think when he eats these jars in public and I tune out when other mums talk about what their children eat. Obviously ds was an extreme case, but it still sounds to me like you're doing okay with your ds. Trying to relax is key because if he feels your stress, it will put him off eating. All the best.

Thanks Benji, that's fab advice! I get so stressed over him eating properly and you've just made me realise that I can only try my best and not to worry.
I've had an awful day with him today, he's teething so he's been so whingy and clingy. Feeding time was a nightmare but I held it together and did not force anything. I've cut out all puddings and I am now giving him homemade puréed pear and apple mixed with natural yogurt instead. He gets upset as soon as he sees his bowl and spoon so I've come up with some new things to reassure and trick him haha. I've kept an empty pot of his favourite yogurt and filled it with his purée fruit. That certainly fooled him and he ate the lot. I've taken him out of his high chair and sitting him at dinning room table on my lap with his toys. This seems to calm him down and we are more relaxed.

But I'm going to just take each day as it comes and not worry too much about how much he eats.