toilet probs with 7 year old ss

[Payney]

When my stepson was 4 years old, he came to live with us full time (rather than the previous 50%). He had quite a few "accidents" (i.e. not going to the toilet when he needed to) but I (not having experience of kids) thought that this was to be expected considering the change in circumstances plus the fact that he was still quite young. I remember having a conversation with his infants teacher who was horrified that he had had an accident in school that day and she said that we needed to sort the situation out before he moved up to the first year of primary. The problem went quite quickly, with us using merit charts, treats on Saturdays if he went all week without an accident etc. Just as we're thinking that we're "sorted" though, he starts again. He is now 7 1/2 and since before Christmas, the accidents have started again. He has gone from loving school (wanting to go in at 7am) to hating it and refusing point blank last week to go in. I have been into school to ask if anything has happened and his teacher has been great in talking to him but if there is something, he's hiding it well. Both dh and I have a great relationship with him and he tells us everything (even when he's done something naughty and he knows he'll be reprimanded)so I'm sure he'd tell us if something was going on, like bullying. We've taken him to a cranial osteopath who said that it's a tension thing - not letting go etc. It's really heartbreaking - the other day he ran out to the kitchen to say something and a little "parcel" fell out from his trouser leg. He says that he doesn't realise it's happened - can this be possible? I've spoken to the HV as he was also having real temper tantrums and I wanted him to be seen by someone but she didn't seem that bothered. He has a very insecure mother who gives him a lot of hassle with emotional blackmail etc. We found out a few weeks back that having moved away from the area, she is now coming back. I thought this explained the accidents but looking in my diary, this started again before we knew anything of her return. Sorry about waffling on, but I really don't know what to do - does anyone have any similar experiences?

I could be way off here, but do you think he could be constipated? Some children get into the habit whether consciously or subconsciously of "holding on" to stools. After a while they lose the urge to "go". Then what happens is that you do just get small hard stools coming out. This was my son's problem last year (at a younger age) but we could not get a doctor or health visitor to take it seriously at first. Eventually we got a paediatrician to write to the GP to ask for them to prescribe lactulose, which worked very well.

DS1 did this at 5 and 6 years old and I never did find out if there was a root cause for it; it just seemed to be that he didn't want to stop what he was doing and go to the toilet. I tried talking, reward charts, the GP, nothing seemed to make a difference, it was bloody horrendous. He just stopped doing it eventually but it lasted a year - 2 / 3 times a week

He could be constipated as mentioned, my dn(ephew) holds on like this because 'it hurts to go' although he's had this problem since a toddler. Also could he have a problem about using the school loo? Maybe he doesn't like to ask to go during lessons or he just doesn't like using them (they can be pretty smelly places!)

We thought that it was because he was too busy playing etc to go - this certainly is the case sometimes, for instance the other day, he was telling me something and literally jumping up and down. I asked if he needed the loo but he said he didn't yet two mins later, he'd had an accident. I am starting to panic because three years ago when he had the problem we were worried about when he started primary, but if the problem is still there in another three years time he'll be about to start secondary school.

I can't help with a diagnosis but I'd definitely see your GP for a chat.

Payney - your ss sounds just like my nephew did at that age - he used to constantly soil his pants but it was never what I would call a full poo - just a bit, he used to also say that he didn't know that he needed to go. To cut a long story short it turned out that all of his colon was compacted with faeces (this was discovered during an x-ray) and that he had lost the control as, basically, him eating was just pushing the stools along a bit and he would soil himself. This, apparently, was either caused by his severe colic that he suffered as a baby or was due to severe constipation also as a baby or toddler. He has had to have two weeks of treatment to clear him out and then senacot which he used to have to take at night which would result in a stool pass in the morning - it took quite a while to clear him out and for him to be back to what I describe as normal but he is fine now.
Take him to the gp and ask if he could be compacted inside. Hope he gets sorted out soon.

Thanls for all advice - Jaybee, did your nephew have problems wetting himself as well?

Luckymum - I don't think the problem is as bad in school although I don't think he likes to ask to go to the toilet either. He seems to be worse at home - I sincerely hope that this is not because he thinks our bathroom is smelly! We have just found out that he has started hiding his swimming kit once he gets to school so that he has an excuse not to go. He had a letter in his bag last week from the swimming pool (letter was given to all parents) because they had found faeces in the pool and therefore had to shut it for 12 hours. I had a couple of minutes of that awful hot/cold & fuzzy feeling as I looked at the calendar before working out that the day they mentioned in the letter was not his swimming day therefore he was not responsible. This could, however, be the reason why he doesn't want to go anymore - i.e. he's worried the same thing could happen to him. He often looks behind him as he's walking to see if he's had an accident and he's left something on the floor

That's really sad Payney. Talk to your GP about constipation. Lots of doctors just don't seem to realise that a child can be contipated and still be doing several of these little "parcels" a day. My DS1 was a much happier boy when we got this problem diagnosed and sorted out.

I think it's worth talking to the GP, too, Payney. A friend had this sort of problem as a child and it turned out to be an abnormality in her bowels; something she had little control over.

Yes, he did, although there was no real reason for him to do so - the doctors thought it may have been due to pressure on the bladder or the fact that the brain had switched off to the sensation. He also went through the break up of his parents around that time so, like you, it was initially thought that him wetting himself may have been due to that or him worrying about soiling himself - both problems did seem to clear at the same time.

I second the advice about seeing your GP and maybe trying lactulose for a while to make sure he is not constipated. If that is the case, you need to stay on the lactulose (perhaps combined with senna) for quite a while to retrain the bowel. (dd1 was very constipated for a long time and we had problems with soiling. After a year on lactulose, her bowel was back to normal.) Don't know if this is the case for your son, but I would definitely get medical advice.