Frustration is making me a bad mum!

[Thumbwitch]

DS1 is 5 and has just started school (Australia). He was at pre-school last year, and I thought he'd progressed quite well with writing his own name and learning letters etc.
He knows his numbers and can say the alphabet but has a lot of trouble associating the letters with the sounds.
Now he's at school, they send a reader home every evening for us to read with him and it's driving me bananas that he doesn't seem to "get" it at all.

Even though he "knows" the letters in his name, he often can't identify them elsewhere; the readers have the same words on every page bar one, which changes, but DS can't recognise that this is the case and after 2 or 3 repeats will change what he's saying; he doesn't "get" that sounds run together to make words; and so on.

I know it's early days, and I'm sure I'm being highly over-reactive but I'm getting cross with him because I'm frustrated that he seems so incapable of simple recognition! Then I'm worried that perhaps he's a bit thick and I don't know how to cope with that either.

Please give me some tips on a) how to manage my frustration and b) whether or not this is "normal" for boys this age.

Don't get me wrong, I fully know IABU about this - I just need some help in managing the situation before it goes completely pear-shaped, please. :(

I wonder if it is possible that your ds senses your frustration, and feels anxious as a result?

I'd have a word with his teacher to get her opinion.

Stop reading. Seriously. Two or three days are not going to cause a setback are they?

Point out letters and numbers in real life. When you go shopping share the list with him or give him his own little list with something to 'match' game. Look at letters on his favourite DVDs, toys, food in the kitchen. Go back to baby books with simple words and look at those again but in a new way.

Pixi - I can't. He has to read a sodding book EVERY SCHOOL NIGHT. I have to sign the sheet EVERY DAY to say he's done it, it's part of how the school here does it. :(

We've done and do the things you're suggesting - I even have home made flashcards with things specifically interesting to him - it's all worked well with numbers but not with letters - so far?

Earlybird - I don't know - I didn't get frustrated the first few times, but I'm getting worse with each book! It's only been 3 weeks, argh!

The teacher seems to think he's doing ok but it's hard to get a word with her at either the beginning or end of the day, because of the way school pick-up works - I'd have to wait until all the children from her class have left, and I have a 4mo baby with me as well. Sounds like I'm making excuses and perhaps it will get easier as we get further into the term but it's all been fairly frantic so far! I will try to have a more in-depth discussion with her about it whenever I can get hold of her.
She's been a bit dismissive so far, when I've tried to ask/ tell her about other stuff - because of the other stuff going on around us, I assume (they don't let the children out of the classroom until they've seen the relevant parent, so they've always got half an eye on the door). Will try again though.

Can your dh/dp share reading duties? Might give you a break, and ease the tension.

Regarding talking to the teacher: maybe it would help the 'dismissive' attitude if you formally arranged a time to speak rather than hoping to catch her at a good time. All you are looking for is reassurance, or some more constructive techniques for reading with your ds. Hopefully the teacher can provide that.

Hi I get this with my dd who started school in September. We can read a book with the same word on every page and by the 3rd page she seems to just forget what the words are. I get really frustrated with her and one night she told me that shouting at her wasn't helping. How guilty did I feel! I stopped reading with her for a while and just signed the school books anyway. I explained to the teacher in a parents meeting that she does nothing at home and worries me that she isn't learning anything and they told me not to worry. Arrange a formal meeting with school and take a step back. My dd read a whole book today to me for the first time with only a few words of help from me. It does take time and I think nowadays we are all rushing with their education. Also talk to other parents as you'll probably find they feel the same way too.

Thanks for all messages - I'm still getting used to the whole set up - will find out how one arranges meetings with the teachers here (probably very easy, I just don't know!)

I am getting DH to help with the reading homework too but he gets just as frustrated as I do! so it saves me, but not DS1, iyswim.

I honestly don't know how they're being taught, whether it's phonics or what - he has lists of "sight words" that he has to learn to spot and write, but I don't know how they learn them! He isn't able to explain either. Will have to ask the teacher.

I had this with my daughter and judging from conversations with others it is absolutely normal. I spoke to one of the reading 'gurus' at school and she told me to ease off. The theory being if I get stressed it will put her off reading and she won't learn. So I did. My dd still isn't keen on reading (which is absolute anathema to a bookworm like myself!), but she can do it and has whizzed through the various levels - sometimes I even find her reading to herself! Get him other books he will be interested in and will want to know what happens and do the whole 'you read a bit and then I'll read a bit thing' and if he doesn't want to then let go - reading is supposed to be fun and actually I think that's the most important lesson to teach him.

Yes, I was hoping he would find it fun and deliberately didn't push him when he clearly didn't (I'm also an avid bookworm!) because I didn't want to put him off - so I hope that we can all settle down into an acceptance state of the situation, without all the frustration and aggro.

Will try and relax more and speak to teacher.

He has loads of books, btw. Including several about dinosaurs and animals, which he is passionately interested in - so I tried suggesting we use those instead and got told "I don't want to read them, Mummy, I just want to look at the pictures and make up my own story". Can't fault his imagination, at least.