Toddler waking in the night since baby brother arrived

[NichyNoo]

Please help - I am at the end of my tether

DS1 is 2.5 years and his baby brother is 2 months old. DS1 has always been an excellent sleeper - sleeping through from about 3 months old. When DS2 was born in December it coincided with a stressful xmas and DS1 having a nasty virus (so waking in the night to cough/have medicine).

Since then our once perfect sleeper is waking in the night anything from twice to ten times (last night). He is crying in his bed or getting out of bed and walking into our room.

I am beyond shattered. I am waking to feed DS2 two or three times and then DH and I are having to wake to lead DS1 back to bed and comfort him.

We have got a gro clock which he fully understands the concept of (chatters about staying in bed until the sunshine all day) but still gets up at night. We have tried a reward chart with stickers and presents. Again he understands the concept but is still getting out of bed. We have tried reassuring him and telling him we love him (in case he is feeling insecure). DH has tried shouting at him and ordering him to stay in bed.

Nothing works. DS1 has started to go a bit longer between feeds so this really should be the start of me getting more sleep and feeling a bit more human but instead I feel worse than ever because of DS1. I am so angry with him and finding it hard to function. Plus it means that DS1 himself is tired in the day (he won't nap) so his behaviour is deteriorating.

Please- does anyone have any advice on what else we can try?

So much change for you all in the last couple of months, as an emergency measure can you DH sleep in his room, on the floor on a airbed, with him for now, so you get some sleep and so do they. Once you have done this for a week or so and you are all feeling better becasue you've had some sleep, you could try going back to the old routine, or if it works I keep it like this for a few months, you can sort everything out in one go, what matters now is sleep for you all otherwise all family life will go from bad to worse. Then when you are all feeling better and you and the baby have a settled easier routine you can slowly start to change things. Don't underestimate the way your toddler feels, TLC is needed not a battle.

Ha! There is no way on earth DH would do that. I've already considered me sleeping on DS1 floor and DH coming to wake me when baby wakes for feed but he doesn't always hear him and would wait ages before coming to get me. DH is pretty much no help as he is just so angry about the lack of sleep (despite the fact that he is getting more sleep than me).....currently trying to get DS1 to nap but to no avail despite him behaving really badly due to tiredness. And DS2 barely stopped crying now for 3 days.....God help me

Dd1 is doing same since new baby. Similar age. I'm doing the supernanny technique. Basically u speak the first time then remain silent all others. Happened 3 times this week. I'm in bits. I'm bf too. I'd bottle but unsure that wont improve things by much.

I have no answers. Just sympathy. And ill selfishly admit its comforting to know I'm not alone.... Sorry. Maybe not polite, but true.... :(

Our dd1 did exactly the same when dd2 arrived and we solved it by putting a stairgate on her bedroom door.

Ds is 3.3and has done the same since dd came along 3 months ago. We've put it down to insecurity and jealousy of the baby being in with us. So when ds comes onto our bed some time in the middle of the night, dh normally swaps and goes to his bed. So it's. baby(who sleeps like a log ), me and ds. (pure wriggle) in my bed and dh in ds's bed. I'm guessing it's a stage.

Glad to hear its not just us! We can lock DS's door or put stairgate on but this would just result in screaming and tears so we'd need to get out of bed to re-settle him anyway....only woke 4 times last night.

We (I say 'we' but DP hardly ever wakes ) are having this problem too, I feel for you all but its nice to know it a common thing.

Ds is just 2 and dd is 4 weeks old so I'm usually up BFing her when ds wanders in or stars crying. Tbh I can usually leave him if he's just grizzling and he'll settle back to sleep himself (which i feel sad about because i never used to before the baby came) but if he comes in I have to either leave the baby and let her cry or do that awkward bent over scurry while she's still attached to my boob. This doesn't reassure ds that he's my priority much either!

God, hope its a short phase!

Hi NichyNoo,

it sounds like your son may be waking because he is adjusting to his new sibling arriving. It helped me to understand that children wake in the night, because of emotional reasons such as stress just like adults do. If he's previoiusly been a good sleeper then I'm sure it won't take long to get his sleep back on track.
There is a brilliant article that explains, how you can help a child release the emotions that keep them waking in the night. The fact that he is waking crying shows that he has some upset feelings to release. Crying is actually a natural healing process,(when we cry in the presence of someone who loves us not alone) and sometimes we as parents do everything to stop that natural healing process from taking place.
The article explains how you can gradually allow a child to release their feeling, and be a safe confident sleeper in the night, so you DH won't have to go and sleep with him. And the great thing about this approach is that it will help your son to adjust and get on with his new brother as well!
hope you get a good night's sleep soon.

I do second the stair gate, we went through exactly this and my DH was really against stair gates. It went on for 3 weeks until I over ruled him, we still had to put him bak to bed for 3 or 4 nights but he switched onto it pretty quickly and wanted the praise in the morning of not having got up. Good luck.

You other half may not want to but he might have too for a few nights so evryone sleeps, you end of doing many things you thought you never would pre-children, whatever gets you through/over a bump, won't Be like that forever! Tell him there is no point in being angry, helps no one at all.

We used a stairgate on eldests room when younger DS was born, he would scream and shriek by the gate but as other have said eventually he went to bed or fell asleep by the gate and we just put him back in bed.

Hello can u tell me if it ever got better? 23m son waking since 8 WK old sister came along. Losing will to live!! Luckily baby is amazing and sleeps! Son is waking all night x