Older child suddenly behaving badly - help!

[PeggyL]

Have 2.5 year old & 4 week old, older child now being so naughty & i don't know how to deal with it, got so upset yesterday as realised I'd done nothing but shout at him & give him a hard time. I know baby has shaken his world but don't know how to make it better, tried spending time alone, lots of cuddles, positive reinforcement etc but doesn't make much difference, or he just wants his dad who seems to be current favourite!

It passes!
2 yr gap between mine, and 18 months on, they are best friends.

We found telling baby off occasionally helped - toddler gets told off for being loud, so tell baby off when he's screaming, either one of them gets messy, they are called a mess monster - basically we talked to baby like we talked to toddler (but not expecting the same behaviour!).

Baby also had to wait occasionally - he woke from nap, and I say to toddler, baby has just woken up, lets finish this story, then go get him.

From about 6 months, I;d also try to get them to do the same activities - toddler wanted to paint, so I'd get the aquamat out for baby (he seemed to think it was the same) - basically treat them as equally as you could seemed to work for us.

Is there any way you can do some of the things you did before baby arrived - I got strange looks turning up to baby groups with a tiny baby in a sling, but it kept me sane, and left my arms free to help the older one (and lots of Mums helped out also!)

Its very early days. Congrats on your new Baby.

Thanks, some really good tips..good to know it passes xx

I'm not sure I handled DS's sibling jealousy terribly well but I second the sling. It was a lifesaver. Also - do not expect your older child to love or even like the baby. They have very little in common yet and the baby has just completely disrupted his world. I can never believe it when i hear mothers say 'oh yes, s/he just loves the baby!' Yeah, right. Ds only started to see the point of dd once she could walk and talk and be bossed around. She was always happy to play with him on his terms and that's always endearing to a 3 year old. So it may take a while (and it was a nightmare while it was going on) but they get there in the end. They are now best friends even though dd is not nearly as submissive and grateful as she used to be!

I have no personal experience of this, only having 1 dc but according to my mum i was the jealous older sibling (18 months between us).She would find me doing things like trying to squeeze into my brothers babygros (with a big purple angry face).And also hiding his baby toys so that he would cry!In the end mum sought some professional help & they went through her daily routine with her.Without realizing it she did everything for baby brother first as she thought it was easier.

As it says in nextphases post they advised mum "to make baby wait sometimes" for example getting me dressed & then dressing baby after.
As they said to her this wouldn,t bother baby in the slightest but would stop me being jealous.
Anyway she said it worked & we were always close growing up afterwards, so good luck.