DD bit another child

[MoelFammau]

Just need a sounding board, I guess.

DD is 21mo. She's a very stoic little girl, never runs around with other kids. More into watching things, climbing things, carrying heavy objects, looking through books... She's strong and active but not the type to run around. She's smaller than average and has significant hearing loss in both ears. At soft-play she gets pushed over a lot by other kids but never fights back. She has a birthmark on her face which also attracts a lot of negative attention from under 5s.

The day before yesterday I collected DD from nursery and she had several bad scratches on her face, very very close to her right eye. Apparently she didn't cry or retaliate. Yesterday though, she went up to a kid and bit him. She's never done anything like that ever and I'm not sure what to do. I see it as a sign that DD is actually pretty stressed out. We've had to up her nursery hours from 2 afternoons a week to 2 full days and 2 afternoons this week and I think she found it too much.

Her nursery hasn't adapted to her hearing loss so she spends a lot of time being ignored. Because she's quiet they leave her alone. She has a severe lactose intolerance and despite me telling them at drop-off every day, the staff give her dairy products every bloody day she's there, resulting in severe diarrhoea and stomach pain every night. I think yesterday she just cracked.

I guess I'm trying to work out how to improve things for DD. Her father and I are in the process of separating so home life is a little strained. Is nursery too much for her at the moment? Should i be looking for another one? Or would a childminder be a better option? I desperately want her to be with me but I need to work longer hours now that I'm renting my own place.

Any suggestions would be hugely appreciated. Just feel wretched.

Oh dear, you and she seem to be going through a lot at the moment.

I'm normally a big fan of nurseries, but given what you say above, I'd be looking for a childminder who can give her more of the attention that she needs right now

God bless her. I think the nursery sounds awful and she's be better with a childminder. Don't feel too wretched...it's a funny age for most kids...when they're dealing with hearing loss too, normal behaviouir blips are bound to be more stressful for you as you'll be feeling worried about her anyway!

Get it all in perspective....most toddlers have spats at nursery...biting is very normal....and since the boy scratched her, she seems to be looking after herself by retaliating!

Get her out of there and into someone's home where she'll have a nicer time...less kids to deal with too. Whilst you're looking go in to nursery and let them know you are NOT happy with the dairy being given and you want to know NOW how they are going to ensure ALL staff are aware. And let them know the scratching was not cool either...then find a CM>

Don't feel bad...you sound like a loving mum.....DD will be fine.xx

Thank you both for the kind posts.

I think I'm feeling really sensitive at the moment - she's honestly such a sweet little thing and copes with such a lot.

I didn't have much luck with CMs the last time I looked but will try again.

Ask on the mn local board for your area...and tell everyone u meet that u r looking. Good luck.xx

Your nursery sounds terrible, a different nursery or as others have suggested a childminder may be an option. I would actually report then to social services about the diary products as ignoring a child's allergy could have very serious consequences.

The biting could be nothing, most children in nursery will bite and or be bitten at some point, often teething or their love of putting their fingers in each others mouths doesn't help.