seperation anxiety in 9 month old...she is driving me mad!

[EntWife]

I know it is a stage and it will pass but not before i go completely mental.

DD2 is 9 month old and literally like a clock has entered separation anxiety land. She has gone from a placid, good natured baby who was happy to play on her own to a screaming banshee that i literally cannot put down for even a second without not just howls of protest but hyperventilating hysteria.

It is so bad my 3 year old DD1 runs from the room with her hands over her ears to inform me that the baby is crying again and she wont come back in until i have calmed the baby.

I seem to spend all day trying to calm and distract DD2 at the expense of DD1 and she is starting to react to the lack of attention. She has had 6 accidents in the last two days when previously she was 100% dry. She has invented a new game called "Baby" and will steal the DD2's left over milk and pretend to be a baby, asking me to feed her, or burp her etc.

With DD1 the separation anxiety stage seemed to pass in about a week and was not really a big deal. DD2 seems to be cut from a different cloth.

I guess what i am looking for is any advice in helping DD2 deal with her new found anxiety or coping strategies for a bewildered mum and neglected older sister while we ride out the storm.

I used to bring the baby with me in it's bouncy chair, wherever I went tbh and I'd chat away to them as I did housework, cooked dinner etc. I never left them in a room without me.

Mine both did get very frustrated at about this stage, they just wanted to be able to crawl and move about and follow me. So I tried to do everything I could to keep them occupied/ involved with me. I was lucky though that within 6-8 weeks they both began to crawl and then I wished they were immobile again

Where do you leave them, when you go out of the room?

When the baby had naps I tried to spend time with DD1 at this stage and also staggered bedtimes, so I got lots of time with my big girl then. I also tried to praise DD1 lots, whatever I was doing and ask for her help, as the big girl etc.

I'm sure you do most of this, but this is what came into my head. It is a stage and will soon pass.

How long has your second child been like this? I always found mine were more unhappy when they were teething, tired or coming down with a cold. Has anything changed lately? Are you back at work and she's seeing you less?

Oh, dear. Poor you. I'm afraid I can't offer any help apart from my usual rant about our stupid and unnatural modern western solitary child-rearing practices and not to beat yourself up about this and it ain't natural for us to be responsible for our young 24/7. We humans evolved to rear our young in a tribe, always someone else there to see to baby when we're picking berries (or tearing our hair out). But No! We must fit in with the Industrial Revolution/Protestant Work Ethic/Factory shift rather than It fit around Us. My youngest, (sixth), was an amazing baby, never had a tantrum, never wet the bed from the moment we took off his nappy at 13 - (just kidding), never tidied up and still doesn't at 17 - minor flaw in the plan, there - because he had loads of other mums and dads (his older siblings) and a Spaniel who doted on him, just as it should be, and he's a lovely lad, currently working hard at his A levels. I might have given the first few shit, but hey, I'm only human.
Just a thought, from experience, I suppose your 3 yr old isn't poking the littl'un while you're not looking? Not necessarily out of evilness, just curiosity - they do that. And yes, as DontStep says, any little change can affect them, teething, etc, and stress can also affect the state of their wee so check her bum isn't (even a little bit) sore. And YOU, young lady, get some help, rest and some time off as God(ess) intended.

If she's wanting to be carried everywhere then it may not be separation anxiety - it may be the usual grumpiness that 8-9 month olds get about not being able to move about independently. Do you have a door-bouncer or anything like that where she could satisfy her urge to move/affect things while still letting you get on with stuff? Or a back-sling like an Ergo may work for you - I used one for most of last summer with a 9mo who was going through the same thing.

Yes mine loved the door bouncer. Good idea