DD(4) ignores everyone.

[ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts]

DD is 4 (5 in April) and has always been very shy. she was a late talker but now she doesn't stop chatting away at home. school say she's chatty at school and communicates as expected to her teachers and peers and her confidence has grown massively since beginning school.

the problems appear when it comes to speaking to anyone outside of school even people from school. its like she thinks she's only allowed to talk at home and school. if we see her friends on the way to or from school she refuses to say hi/bye. in the beginning it was shyness. now it comes across as rude. i dont want to push her but she's alienating herself from her friends.

I've explained how it is polite to greet people even if she doesn't want to say anything else but nothing works. she just ignores everyone.

is this a problem or is she just stubborn and shy?

My ds2 was exactly the same (and very shy). I had to teach him to say hello to people we bumped into as he had no understanding of social niceties.

I had to explain in simple words that if you don't say hello people might feel sad or think you don't want to be their friend.

Then we practiced together.

Its very common.

I think gentle encouragement is the way to go. If she is too shy to speak, could she smile and wave?

she would never wave. i really did try to get her to say hi by explaining its nice to be friendly etc and she did do it once or twice. but now she just doesn't. should i keep uo with gentle persuasion or just leave it and not make it into an issue?

DD (5.5) was like this, in reception her friends would say hi and bye after school and she'd totally ignore them. I gently explained it was rude, or would speak to them myself (and sometimes say something like "she's really tired today"). I'd mention it every time, but only once (and gently - "X is saying bye, aren't you going to say bye to her? That's a bit rude it was nice of her to say bye, you wouldn't like it if she ignored you"), then drop it. Now she's in Y1 and if the car windows are open she'd yell at every single person she knew out the window, and needs a prod sometimes as she's not paying attention but will always respond. Not sure how the change came about, I think probably she just got a bit more confident at school. Don't worry about it she'll get there .

thanks :-) im just so drained at having to speak for her. I've done it for so long i think she just expects it now. i feel sad for her. it must be horrible to be that shy

DD1 really is so much better now than a year ago and she's just over a year older than yours so hang in there and try not to overthink it, if her teachers are happy with how she communicates in school she'll get there when she's ready.

My dd2 is also similar to this & is aged 4.

She is very able to express herself but sometimes refuses to speak at all. This can be at home or at school or pretty much anywhere.

It is very draining & frustrating at times particularly when people (Like my mum) say 'hello dd2.. Hello ? I said hello?? Arent you going to answer? Ooh hello grandma how are you? Well ? Hello?' etc..

I don't really have anything to suggest but I just leave her to it.

We have the slight added complication that she is very allergic to certain things & sometimes I need her to talk & explain to me/teachers/doctors/paramedics how she's feeling & she won't..