Worried about DS(3yo) behaviour / anger

[daisygatsby]

Hi there - DS is (nearly)3. He's in creche full time and loves it (he runs in there in the mornings). Over the last few months the carers have told us about the occasional instance of pushing and shoving, which obvioulsy is not great, but I thought par for the course.

Yesterday when DH collected him, the keyworker asked to talk to him and said DS had hit her and that he seemed very frustrated. He does get very angry and he hits me in anger and frustration at times too.

I'm really worried that theres something im doing thats making him like this: I dont know what to do. Hes a very lively and wilfull boy. I dont really know how to punish him effectively when he is hitting; he knows its wrong, but he seems to get so angry.

Can anyone give me some guidance on how to cope with a frustrated little boy?

Any idea what he could be getting frustrated about? How is his speech, can he definitely hear ok?

Could you play board games with him at home (we have this and this for our 3 year old so might be suitable for your DS) so he gets used to taking turns / sharing.

How is his language? Could he be frustrated over not being able to articulate himself? Or is he ok with that.

My ds is like this but he is very articulate. But I wonder if it's the subtleties that are an issue which he can't express. Eg he is overtired and wants to be cuddled but is asked to do something, or he wants to play alone for a bit and someone tries to join in.

He does have mild hearing issues - basically his ears get blocked up over the cold season but the GP says nothing to be done as its not a permanent issue iyswim.

I also think he gets tired after preschool and just wants to veg out at home but is always on the go.

He's also expected to share with his sister a lot (he's younger) and they have to compete for our attention as we work :(

I'm trying to address these things but it's hard. I find he's better if I am more positive with him. Otherwise it becomes a negative cycle. The other day he asked me why I was sad - I wasn't, I was just sittin there but maybe I look permanently miserable!

There is nothing you could be doing wrong which would make him hit a carer in the creche. His behaviour there will be affected by their behaviour management, not yours.

How do you usually respond when he hits someone at home?

Thanks everyone.

I cant think of anything in particular that would be frustrating him. His language is OK mushroom , but I think he probably doesnt have many words to describe feelings yet. PErhaps thats something I should work on with him.

iggly same as you, we find that after a full day at creche he just wants to zone out when he gets home. I try to be patient and calm with him so he doesnt see me losing my temper and mimic that behaviour but its hard sometimes with the pressures of full time work etc

gold if he hits me I just say 'no hitting' or 'we dont hit people' and then try and ignore him till he calms down. i really dont know what i should be doing.

gold if he hits me I just say 'no hitting' or 'we dont hit people' and then try and ignore him till he calms down. i really dont know what i should be doing.

That sounds pretty spot on to me. You are withdrawing attention from the behaviour you find unacceptable while making sure he knows why.

Can you give him an automatic 30 mins of down time, perhaps watching tv when he gets home to wind down and recharge a bit before the evening routine kicks in?

I think that sounds like a good idea OP...my DD at a similar age was missing me badly at nursery and someone told me that at 3 it's hard for them as they have no way to describe a feeling...so the sick feeling she had in her stomach...we called it "the missing Mummy feeling" and she was much happier once it was acknowledged as something everyone gets at times.

I was also able to come up with ways for her to comfort herself when the feeling struck.

With your DS, maybe discussing tiredness, or irritation might help?