New baby - how do I train her to be left?

[Wishiwasanheiress]

Hi, this is about dd2. Dd1 I held lots of the time. Tbh if she cried I picked her up. I'm trying to not be so much like this, this time round as I need her to sleep in basket rather than on me for time with dd1 whose 2.

Can u help me work out how to do this? She's bf. Unsure if useful to know. I'm less panicked by crying this time round. I'm keener to be fair so im not trying off load her entirely! I just need to encourage her to sleep in her basket once fed. Or be comfortable being awake but not attached to me.

Some people seem to do this very naturally dunno why I feel I struggle.......

Sorry dd2 is just 3wks.

You can't.

Little babies are supposed to be held a lot. You can't make them like a Moses basket or cot.

DD was 2yo when DS was born. DS was unputdownable. I couldn't leave him for 30 seconds without him screaming blue murder sobbing. I got a sling, amazing thing. DD had to adjust to DS being here and that included me not being available every minute of every day, until DS was less...well, less new!

You can't make a rod for your own back or make your baby needy by cuddling them - quite the opposite in fact.

A wrap sling will save your sanity

Those who do it naturally have babies with an easy personality who don't mind going with the flow.
Most babies are not like that

Ugh yeah that's what I've wondered.... Yeah just want to play/share time with dd1 when dd2 sleeps but getting her in basket once fed and staying there can be a struggle. Nothing more...

Will look at slings... Wrap things....

DS1 would have been happy to play on a rug next to me. DS2 is velcro. Wish it had been the other way around, TBH.

I had exactly the same plan as you Wish when my DC2 was born...and failed miserably. Turned out that she was unputdounable and she was with me and slept on me days and nights for the first 10 weeks. Whilst not easy when you have a toddler as well, I think this is pretty normal baby behaviour. a sling helped tremendously in these days and enabled me to play with 2 yo DC1 whilst DC2 was asleep. Things then got gradually easier and DC2 is now 19 wo and happy to play on playmat for 15 minutes whilst in same room with me and Dc1. I found it very hard at the beginning but you get used to having two relatively small children!

She's 3 weeks old.

When my second was born, I forgot just how needy they were. I don't mean that in a bad way!

So I stuck dd in a sling for the first few weeks. None of this "while baby sleeps, play with the eldest in a lovely way". More like "dd sleeps, I panic and try and do seven hundred things".

It's only once dd got to 5-6 months could she nap in her cot for a decent stretch.

Now she's 14 months life is easier so much easier!

Swaddling with a light muslin (large ones from eBay) might trick her into thinking she's still being held and you might be able to pop her down? Worked with ds ... until he realised I was being crafty :)

I don't think you can. Babies are either happy to be left or not, especially at that age. It might be that dc1 needs to learn that your time can't always be with them and dc2 needs you now rather than the other way round.

I'm not sure you can either.

I could leave DS next to me right from the start. On the postnatal ward he stayed in his cot all night just staring at me. He loved just laying next to me on a pillow in bed. In fact sometimes when he cried he would stop if I put him down!

Absolutely nothing I did. He just came out that way....

I kinda knew this but u live in (false) hope dont u? Seemed worth the question. Nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way or that 2 is well just a bit more overwhelming than I realised. It's just balancing the needs, feel so darn guilty all the time! Does that get better or do u get better at ignoring it?! I'm an oc no bros or sis so this is way strange territory!

A dummy is your friend for this!!

It gets better. They entertain each other!

Hi, i think all newborns love being held don't they?! I have a 2.5 year old & 4 week old, only suggestion i can give that's working for me is swaddling! Friend bought me a swaddle pod which is tight & zip up front, baby now sleeps in Moses at night for 3/4 hours, reminds them of being in womb. Hates Moses during day so i swaddle her in cellular blanket and have her next to me or on cushion on floor if playing with son. Good luck x

moby wrap sling saved my life with a 2.5 DS and newborn DD

I was in exactly your position in July. Dc2 (ds) is 7 months old now (time has flown by) and watching my two dcs before bed tonight, dd (3y) running up to ds and screeching at him, him wildly trying to grab her before she ran out of reach and giggling madly, has shown me already that it is so worth it. I can already see the beginnings of their friendship and it is so exciting.
Mind you, even at 7 months ds won't sleep well, last night I thought was a good night as I only had to feed him at 10, 2.30 and 6.30... Roll on more nights like that (down from the 2 hourly feeds we've been having up til now).

Oh it gets better. DS is 9mo now, he and DD play now. By play I mean he touches her stuff, she takes it off him (repeat ad infinitum).

Far easier.

Gin that only works if they'll take the blasted thing. DS will not allow such a thing to pass his lips!