Behavioural issues with my six yr old

[Benandryansmum]

Hello! This is my first post as a member.
My issue is this. My six yr, since going into yr 1, has developed some 'problems' which were initially picked up by his school. They said his behaviour was not acceptable after a few weeks of starting and they put him on a behaviour chart. This was back in October. Since then his behaviour has deteriorated. 9 time out of 10 his chart is negative. They were concerned thathe was having problems socialising, sharing and taking turns. I believed his teacher was to blame. To me he is a typical boisterous six yr old who is into everything and I don't think she can handle him. Since Christmas however myself and DH have observed him closely and noticed that he does, at times, have problems sitting still and concentrating. Tonight, whilst reading his reading book, I had to tell him to sit still several times as he kept standing on his head.
During the day he is being removed from his classroom for being disruptive which I don't agree with because then he is not learning. I have been to see our Gp who referred him to CAHMs but they basically laughed and said he doesn't need their help. School have now employed a T A who works predominantly with my son and they have just had him assessed, which I am still waiting to hear what the outcome is.
Sorry for the long post but I just needed to have a rant and get it off my chest. Any comments or suggestions will be very much appreciated as I feel very alone and upset ATM. Oh p.s we ave had him on eye q capsules for 9 weeks so waiting for the effects from them to kick in! X

Hi Benandryansmum I'm not a teacher just a parent .

Experienced teachers don't mind 'spirit' provided a child can listen and follow orders; 26-30 pupils all being boisterous could cause strife. They are learning a lot even when it looks like playing. The more easily distracted ones quickly lose focus and the teacher and TA are going to be thinly stretched.

How was your son at pre-school or reception? Did he play all right with others, was he receptive to adult supervision? Maybe the assessment you mention will pinpoint a specific problem area.

If you can put in practice at home things he'll be expected to do at school, that will get him used to it. Simple things like putting away stuff when asked, following instructions, listening quietly. He'll get the chance to burn off energy at break and lunchtime at school but when indoors he has to be aware of being in a restricted space with others to consider.

At school he has an audience and not grasping something they're learning and fear of being made to look foolish or just being bored can result in bravado. 'Easily led' is not the way to go. He may only act up when showing off but the teacher has to dampen down any disruptive influence hence sending him out.

Don't be put off by a shaky start, keep in contact with his teacher and learning support and Head Teacher. Of course you will feel upset and defensive of him but see how things go this term.

Thanks for the reply DonkeysDontRideBicycles.
In nursery and reception he was fine. Yes he was into typical boy play, fighting, army, etc but wasn't a concern which is what initially made me think it was the teacher.
Today I have been to the doctors with him and he has made a referral to the community paediatrician. Whilst we were at the doctors he was very restless, wanting to touch the stethoscope, make the bed go up and down, to which the doc commented on. My only concern is, if it turns out tobe ADHD I am not happy about him taking medication for it. Does anyone have a child who has been diagnosed with this disorder who can advise me on the medication side of things? With thanks.

I think a lot of ADHD is treated with behavioural therapy now (not meds). Depends on individual symptoms. There are other relevant conditions, too.

I'm not a teacher either but a parent of a figity, difficult for School, could have a dx of ADHD if we want it, aspergers traits, dsypraxic traits 6 yr old now in yr 2 - yr 1 was terrible - I think its a complete change from the play based learning in reception and there are lots of children who struggle with the transition.

Firstly I would be asking what school are doing, what is the TA's background/experience/age/qualifications? does he have an IEP? How is he being helped with turn taking and socialising? I'm not sure if you should wait for a 'label'/diagnosis (if thats what you want) if you recognise behaviours then ask School to specifically target those behaviours (which hopefully they are with the TA) Who has he been assessed by? another teacher or an expert? Ed Psych? If you have IEP's then you can review their action plan and your ds's targets. Its also good to have an incident log - when is he removed from class? what happened? what was the trigger? is there a pattern ie always just before lunch or during a certain class?

The Ed Psych could be important for understanding the behaviour - we had an ability assessment through school last year, he also identified that sticker charts DO NOT work for our ds (we did say this to School before but they needed to hear it from an expert) They have a negative effect to his behaviour, he views it as manipulation and the whole week was on display - why on a Thursday would you want to know you had a terrible day on Monday?? He labelled himself as naughty and psych said his self esteem was cronically low and advised us to find him an extra curicular activity to raise it - Beaver Scouts has been amazing for him.

You also mentioned the doctors - was there anything for him to do whilst at the doctors? my ds will play with bed or stethascope etc if there is nothing to do, talking is boring, I take some books with us now - its working out what works for him - you could have taken a computer games and I'm sure he would have sat beautifully but that wouldn't mean he was or wasn't ADHD...

I'm not saying your ds is or isn't ADHD but I totally get how upsetting it is to constantly hear what your ds CAN'T do - you feel like you have failed somewhere because it seems like everyone else can do it. Your ds is still young, school doesn't suit everyone and it is very reading writing based. I also think once someone gets under your skin as difficult its difficult to see the positives (I see this at work all the time!) I think this happened at School last year with ds, his teachers this year are amazing and he is starting to settle down - he is allowed to have a bad day now if that makes sense.

We've done loads on diet and routine - strict bedtime routine so can wind down, multi vit, omega oils (if chewable check for additives),reduced sugar (no squash, limit sweets) some compliementary therapies too, It might be worth posting is Special needs as there are lots of people who have experience of different types of behaviour and dealing with school who can help x

Glad more knowledgable posters came along. I know how easy it is for a child to get identified as 'difficult' throughout a school, or put in a particular group and perpetually labelled thereafter.

I was going to mention additives and watching out for what he eats and drinks. Stick with the eye Q tablets my friend tried these with her DS and coincidence or not, his behaviour improved.

Hope you'll stick around these threads Benandryansmum, posters here can be very supportive.

Thankyou everyone for replying your post have been welcomed. With regards to eating and his diet I wouldn't know where to start! He has a varied diet and sweets are kept to once a week. I try to give him fish several times a week to give him the boost on top of the oil supplements. Time will tell I suppose. I will keep u all updated. Thanks again x

benandryansmum on diet I found this book very interesting to start with Brain Food Plan it has some good ideas for supplements x

My DS1 was diagnosed with ADHD the January after he started school, so age 5. We thought he was a normal, if a bit excitable, little boy that would settle down once he started big school. But they had problems with him from the start: not being able to sit in his chair, not paying attention, chewing things incessantly, etc. There are a lot of things that can help a child with ADHD. DS2 was given a special squishy cushion so that he could squirm around in his seat. He was given a chew-tube so he had something safe to chew. He got extra help at school with his fine motor skills. He attended two week-long summer schools to improve his social skills. DH and I went on a parenting course and we also received family therapy.

But, and this is what you don't want to hear, he is now medicated. We resisted meds for the first year and tried to use behavioural management but it wasn't enough. He couldn't cope in school. Once he started the Ritalin there was a huge improvement and then further improvement as his dose was tweaked. At first we didn't medicate him at the weekend but it reached the point where we couldn't cope with him at the weekend. So now he gets it every day apart from occasional medicine holidays where we see how he does without it. There's no doubt that DS1 would not have been able to stay in school without the medication.

Have a look at and see if you think it might describe him.