Help me help my 2 yo DS to cope with 3 languages and his frustration please

[SanneSannes]

DS is 2.2 yo, we speak german and dutch at home, whilst we live in the uk. His CM and the rest of the world therefore speak English with him. He is a very affectionate, cheerful toddler, but I see more and more that his understandably slower development language-wise frustrates him very much. How can i make things easier for him? Conscious that this is a very broad topic, maybe any suggestions of books that might be helpful for me to read up on this? Many thanks!

Oops, just realised that very similar thread was posted over past days w useful tips there, certainly wouldn't want to hijack, so no need to respond!

Well, I wanted to say: stick with all 3... reading books in all 3, TV, speaking, games etc. He'll pick them all up - eventually!

Our school is very international and I have found children who can't communicate well do get a bit bolshy, stroppy and can be a bit aggressive. No wonder! It must be hard for them BUT they do get over it fairly quickly. DSs friends speaks Spanish, Dutch and English all beautifully.

Wherever you live/plan to be long term is the language that you should try to focus on. I have also seen kids at DSs school who are still struggling even after 3 or 4 years with the language because they don't/can't speak English at home and their friends outside of school are all from their home country. They watch films, read books etc but not in English.

I am completely in awe of anyone who can not only switch between languages but can also think in a foreign language (if that makes sense).

Many thanks Lollipop. Will do, plus lots of cuddles whenever he is lost. I certainly do not want to push him and am not worried that it will take him a bit longer to figure it all out...but find it hard that being a toddler he seems to be quite frustrated at the moment as not able to communicate much at the moment.

Thanks Moomins' completely agree with you regarding making sure that he does have a lot of exposure to the language that he will use at school, ie English. I think it is a great opportunity for him to learn various languages, but it is a lot harder for him than I expected it to be. I also think that his life is generally a bit difficult at the moment...next to the three languages he also just got a little sister, so lots of things going on in his little life. In any case, i do not want to give up on the languages yet but think I better beef up my knowledge a bit regarding language development as currently i have no clue at all and hope i can make thinks a bit easier for him that way.

Don't give up! He is still quite little and even a 2 year old can have frustrations with language even if they only have one! Have you also moved home/country too? Lots of changes for a little man!

Try to make it fun - songs, any local 'language' clubs for kids, nice children story books etc. If you can find cartoons in languages, then that will be fun too. Have you seen Muzzy?

He may favour one over another later on but this may be a phase. One of Dss friends decided to favour english over italian, then settlds on his own 'Frenglitalian' after he started learning french at school! After a while, they switch between languages so easily, they hardly even notice.

Got to go to a school 'thing' but I'll pop back. I can't speak another language to save my life but all the children I know are multilingual, so I see it a lot!!

from my understanding if they connect one language with one person it makes it easier for them but in the long run a real advantage. I am very of my friend who is Swiss and speaks English, French and German.

I'm only talking from personal experience. My mother is Spanish and my father is English. I only had two languages to contend with but my mum would speak Spanish to me most of the time and my father English and at school it was obviously all English. So, perhaps speak a mixture of all three languages at home. Speaking multiple languages is so good for children. My sister and I really excelled in languages at school and I speak Spanish to my dd and so does my mum :)

Trilingual kiddo here in the making too, parents Finnish and Norwegian and we speak English together.

We used to be really rigid about speaking only our own language each to our child but soon realised it was more important that our family had a common language too, i.e. English so for example dinner time conversations are in English so that no one feels left out. Nursery and environment is in English although we have some family/friends speaking the other languages as well. DD(3) clearly understands all three but tends to communicate mainly in English although does swap languages as well according to the audience. When playing with other kids she clearly prefers English. I think this is fine, any understanding of other languages will give her a good foundation to learn more and languages tend to come back quickly when you are exposed to an environment where it is the main language, e.g. seeing grandparents etc.

Can someone please link to the other thread the OP mentioned?

TIA

of course! Thanks for reminding me Needles. Should have done that earlier!

You can find previous thread on this topic here

Many thanks for all the reassuring replies! Think our approach is similar to the one you are using Emmie, our "Home language" that we use when we are all together such as during dinner time is Dutch. I then exclusively (well, try to) speak German to DS and DP speaks exclusively Dutch to him, whilst anyone else speaks English to DS.

I have been fairly relaxed about his language development and though he will get there over time, but find it painful to watch him getting so upset lately. I have also noticed that since his little friends (who speak English only) have made significant progress language-wise over the past 6 months, his CM and also other parents seem to treat DS differently and more than once i heard people say "what shall I do, he just does't understand me!!" - which made me quite as I expected other parents to show more understanding. I certainly do not want my DS to be treated differently from other kids, but I also do not want it to be rubbed in his face by others that he is slow on the language front - if that makes sense??

so I figured maybe my laissez-faie approach makes things more difficult for DS and i should try to help him a bit more...and thought first step would be to understand exactly how multi-linugal children actually learn their languages - if anyone would have a suggestion of a book worth reading on this topic that would be great!!!!

Moomins - if you have made it at all through this latest of my rather long (sorry!) posts!! Many thanks for all your reassuring words. We have been living in the UK for a couple of yeas now, so thank God DS did not have to move recently, but I have the feeling that the new baby sister is unfortunately also adding a bit to his recent tantrum-mania.

meant "Laissez faire" approach...should'n't use difficult words whilst bf-ing DD I guess - sorry for any other typos!!

No knowledge here just jealous of anyone who is brought up bi/tri lingual.

I did read that it does take longer, and development appears slower than if only learning one language, but they will soon catch up and overtake their monolingual peers.

My monolingual toddler has frustration over her ability to express herself, so don't fret that it is too much.

(wishes I had another language well enough to teach the tot)

My DD was clearly slower learning to speak than her English speaking friends but has made massive progress in the last six months or so, partially because she got older and possibly because I started reading lots of books also in English. I would still relax about this, and only worry if he does not seem to understand what he is being told. Does his childminder say that he does not understand what she is saying?

You are absolutely right Emmie, I will try and relax about this. His CM goes with the flow in this regard (which i like), but the instructor of one of the playgroups DS goes to IMO too quickly and too often comes to the conclusion that DS would not understand her anyway. He sometimes does need a bit longer when asked to follow instructions, but again I thought that was pretty normal.

Would it be possible to teach your son makaton signing alongside each of his languages?

We only have two languages and did OPOL with both of us using the makaton signs. Being able to sign for what she wanted really helped reduce toddler frustration and she gradually dropped the signing as her verbal languages improved.

OP, do you just feel he talkes less than his peers or do you think there is also an issue with understanding. don't put it down to the 3 languages.

My DC was slow with his languages and it was always put down to the 3 languages. in fact he had glue ear (have yiu had a hearing test yet) and was later diagnosed with severe autism. i am not saying this is the case with your DC just making the point that speech delay can have more serious causes than 3 languages.

DC2 grows up trilingual as well and his speech and language (at least his english) is very advanced c. there is actually a lot research which shows that multilingual upbringing is not delaying speech and language development.

We had this situation ( living long term in Colombia, with DH English and me another European nationality).

I ended up dropping one language, my own mothertongue. People mind n my behalf, but I do not feel sad about this, for me language is just a tool and not your identity.

I am not saying this is what you should do, most people say kids can learn any amunt of languages. My DS turned out to be dyslexic, and I am glad we did not persevere with too many languages, as he still struggles with English. But I guess that is bad luck, and does not apply to your situation.

In your case, there is a difficulty with German and Dutch being quite similar, so maybe that makes it more confusing?

Mariah-many thanks for your response. May I ask at what age your DS was diagnosed with autism? He certainly also understands less than his peers, in any of the three languages. When I give him pretty simple tasks like asking him to bring his shoes he more often than not does not understand and looks at me completely confused. He is reacting very well to changes in volume of voices/sounds/music etc so do not think that he has got glue ear, but will keep this in mind. Your point on research saying that language development of multilingual kids is not slower is v interesting and shows again how little I know about this topic. So....my plan is to above all not panic yet as he is still little, but to keep a closer eye on DS on how he is developing in this regard, plus to read up more on this topic. I saw today that there is a playgroup near our home for children who have English as an additional language-maybe that's good to go to too.

Chandon completely agree with you, I just want us to be a happy family and do not want my DS to feel stressed because of languages.

diagnosed just before 4. the first sig was actually that his understanding was behind. at 2.11 our first diagnisis was severe receptive sperch delay.

not to understabnd instructions as simple as to get his shoes does sound very delayed i think.

do not wait and see. the system is very slow. in many areas waiting lists for speech and language are about 6-12 months.

if I were you i would go to GP and ask for referral for hearing test. does he have ear indections? have you heard about glue ear? and also get a referral for Salt (in msny areas you can in fact sekf refer) but do not wait. expressive delays are obe thing but delay in understanding is a different issue all together.

how does conmunicate/tell you if he wants a drink/toy etc.

sorry for typos. cooking at the same time

Thanks Mariah. He has had a hearing test as a newborn, but nothing since then. Also no earinfections and afaik no glue ear (I know what it is but as I have not had concerns regarding his ears, I have not had it checked yet).

He usually points if he wants a drink or toy, or takes my hand and leads me to whatever he wants. now that I think about it he has never asked for anything verbally.

We do read loads of books with him and he loves it. He also sits down with a book by himself, pointing out things but any communication is still limited to single words such as car, cow, shoe, animal sounds annd hello/bye bye...he does not call me or my DP anything by the way, not mummy or daddy whilst we refer to iurselves like that when we speak to him.

Ok-appointment with GP it is.

Your son sounds at a very similar level to my DS2 (who is only learning 1language) so it could just be a speech delay. Ds2 was quite delayed with speech, By your sons age my son only had 3words. He never used Mumma/Dadda and He would point and use hand gestures to show us what he wanted. He is now almost 4 and has speech therapy and can say everything, though his pronunciation isn't great.

My nephew is bilingual and didn't even say his first word till he was 2.7 yrs. He is now 3.4yrs and chats away perfectly in English (far better than my son) and understands Polish (though speaks very few Polish words). I know research says bilingual/trilingual children aren't any slower at talking, but from what I've seen it does seem to take a little longer. A trip to the GP sounds a good idea and just carry on what you are doing. I will ask SIL if she can recommend any good books on the subject.

Sanne, you can also develop glue ear without ear infections, so worth getting his hearing checked even though he passed the newborn screening.

and don't let the GP fob you off with the old chestnut of "all children are different and 3 languages take longer than one". we had this wait and see treatment and I am still beating myself up that I allowed them to waste an entire year of my child's life.

If GP is reluctant to refer to Salt, just self refer - just ring your local SALT department and see how to go about things.

and in the meantime, THIS BOOK. it is full of fantastic strategies to help your child.

good luck.