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Baby won't go to daddy

4 replies

GinMonkey · 12/02/2013 10:51

I'm sure this is completely normal, just a phase etc etc but I feel quite sad about it so looking for others' experience/advice! DD is nearly 11mo and for the last month or so will not go to her dad. By which I mean, if he holds his arms out she either turns away (if I'm holding her) or just ignores him (if she's just playing on the floor). This has coincided with a period of intense separation anxiety where I can't leave the room (sometimes can't even go to the other side of the room) without her reacting badly.

She is with me two days of the week and at nursery the other 3 days as I work part time - the weird thing is she is absolutely fine when I drop off and goes quite happily to whoever is waiting for us. I think DH knows this and it's very sad for him. He does not try to force the issue when at home with her, and despite her crying when I leave the room she will calm down quite quickly and play with him. But she doesn't toddle over to him for kisses/cuddles the way she does with me (or the nursery staff!)

So... Am just hoping this will pass on its own? DH absolutely adores DD and I hate seeing him upset when she isn't affectionate with him. He has been very hands on since she was tiny, we take it in turns to do the night shift and he has endless patience with her - in fact sometimes I feel like he's stepped into the whole parent role more naturally than me.

Sorry, bit of an essay, but would love to hear from anyone with similar experiences and how you dealt with it.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
youmaycallmeSSP · 12/02/2013 13:30

Totally normal and expect it to come and go for a while yet and to be on the other end from time to time. DS is nearly 3 and has been through phases of ignoring DH or becoming hysterical when DH picks him up. Sometimes though it's mummy's turn to go to Coventry. This morning he wailed for 20 minutes because he wanted daddy to take him to nursery, not mummy Hmm It's difficult not to take it personally but try not to. The 'in' parent can help by not running to step in if the child becomes upset as that reinforces the child's perception that the 'out' parent is doing something wrong.

GinMonkey · 12/02/2013 14:01

Thank you :) I did go through a phase of getting involved when she would howl but do leave them to it now. I will probably regret saying this but I'm looking forward to her switching allegiance for DH's sake!

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youmaycallmeSSP · 12/02/2013 20:37

That's how I felt too and TBH I do take it a lot better than DH does. He takes it way too personally and is utterly heartbroken when DS seems to not like him :(

redwellybluewelly · 12/02/2013 22:15

Yup - this happens regularly in our house, DD has been at nursery since she was tiny and she has always been happy there, in fact the biggest issue i have is getting he to come home! Daddy always now gets hugely over enthusiastic hugs and shreiks when he gets home from work, if i get home last then she barely bats an eyelid, but i get the sleepy bedtime cuddles which are my absolute favourite

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