Help, advice needed!

[Dylmol]

I am desperate for advice about 'normal' 6 year old behaviour. My ds is currently in year 2, he is struggling at school, he lacks concentration and the school claims he is disruptive to the class. They do say he is clearly a clever little boy and there doesn't appear to be any malice in his actions but he is none the less disruptive due to the fact he is unable to organise himself. He is constantly losing things at school, for example I bought him a new pair of gloves that were lost within one day! I don't know about at school but at home he finds it hard to wait for anything, and dislikes any unavoidable changes of plan. He also constantly chews his clothes so much that holes appear and I dread to think how many buttons he could potentially have swallowed!!!

My main concern is that he could have adhd however all I can get out of his school teacher and the headteacher is that they couldn't possibly comment as they are not an experts!!!!! The head teacher seems very keen on laying the blame on our doorstep saying that we obviously do not have enough structure in our household and is he getting enough attention etc etc, which as a full time working mother I find only adds to the guilt I feel on a daily basis. However my dd who started school in September doesn't seem to be having any of these issues, I do not feel the same level of dread when it comes to picking her up from her teacher than I used to when picking up my son (every other day he would have done something, usually to do with not paying attention!!!), she loves her reading and is always bringing home pictures and drawings she has done. My husband thinks I am being paranoid and this is just ds being a 6 year old boy.

I visited our GP about 6 months ago who basically told me our ds just needs to mature a little and to communicate with the school more. His teacher has recently implemented an IEP to help with his behaviour and concentration and we have put a set routine in place at home so that we do the same thing every day and he knows what to expect.

I don't really know what to do, am I being paranoid and looking to blame something other than myself? Should I go back to the gp? Where can I find further advice?

Not paranoid at all, I would go back to the gp and demand a referral. You know your ds best and if you think something is not right then you need to get others to see this, from what you describe I would be asking for a referral, it might not be anything but its worth getting checked out.

I don't think you are being paranoid at all, but I think you are being given confusing messages. I'm a GP, and while it could be something like ADHD, it could equally be normal 6 year old behaviour. He is still very young and there is a big difference of maturity at that age. How he behaves now may be entirely different to how he acts when he is 8 and has just matured a little and got used to being at school and the concentration that is needed. I'm a little surprised at the head teacher's comments and can't help thinking that unless he is literally causing havoc and wrecking the school that their reaction is over the top. Certainly to suggest that his behaviour is due to lack of structure at home is narrow-minded and lacking in insight. Schools vary greatly in terms of how helpful they are regarding behaviour issues. I would have a chat with your GP where you can explain ds's behaviour in more detail to them. Can he watch an episode of his favourite tv show from start to finish? Can he sit still to have a story read to him? Children with adhd struggle to stay on their bottoms for long enough to manage either of these things. However, adhd is a spectrum of behaviour, and there will also be plenty of 6 year old boys without adhd with attention spans as long as their whatsits.

hi there my daughter has some similarities with your son. She is 5 though and is in year 1. She is also the youngest in her class being born mid august. She is not disruptive but the school wanted me to take her to the GP and get her referred. She has been referred and will soon go to see the pediatrician. Reading the post from mummy2benji gave me some hopes as she is a gp. My GP thought my daughter was a bit young and that the school was exagerating but they asked me and I just want to get an idea from the pediatrician. My hope is that she has nothing as I do not want her to be label. ut She does not listen always but she is not behind in school and is on whatever level she should be for her age, some in her class are receiving additional help but she is not. Their concern mainly is she cannot sit still and fiddle but she would sit for long period to listen to stories or watch a film. we take her regularly to the to the cinema or theatre and she would still nicely and she does lose things. The thing she was doing like your son was chewing on her clothes she did that for a month and after I talked to her about it she stopped and haven't done so for months now. My daughter I have to add that does day dream as well and the school is concerned as she does not always focus but amazingly she is on the right level for her age and is in the top reading group in the class even if she is the youngest. I would love to hear what mummy2benji thinks about my daughter's behaviours. I have personally always thought she was mature when it's to do with learning but immature emotionally. She has plenty of friends what about your son can he make friend easily? You know I would rather be in your place and that my daughter is given more time maybe a year to grow up a bit more but the school wants it. I would like to know if a child is said to be adhd or autism etc and does not take medication and change say in a year or 2 will they go back on their decision? sorry it's so long but like you i worry so much.

sorry i meant my daughter never loses things.